Should I do this?

(Please, please forgive the cursing and frustration in advance)

Hi,
I’m currently contemplating on taking the biggest life- changing decision I’m ever going to have to make in my adolesence. I’m thinking of coming out to my parents. Now, I don’t wanna write lengthy reasons as to why I feel this is requisite of me to do but I can no longer stand to feel tethered and let all this rage and frustration build up. I have a pretty bad roadblock though…

My parents are REALLY homophobic, traditional and religious. I’ve heard a few remarks; they’re definitely not in favour of my orientation. – It seems like I’m basically setting myself up, but honestly, I’m so fed up of holding this in.

So the most logical thing would be to just keep my mouth shut right? Well, not for me. I’m am so sick and tired of this concealment and this “what if” bullshit I put myself through every fucking day. I am totally exasperated feeling unacceptance by THEM, my fucking FAMILY. I want the answers, I want the truth, whether they accept me or not. In my mind right now I could say I’m 75% sure that they’ll kick me out of the house…you know what though? Than so friggin’ be it.

This will test how much they love me or if they really even loved me in the first place. And NOT just shoving their dreams onto ME. If I do get kicked out, I have a friend’s house to go to and around 800 dollars in the bank. They can’t take anything away they given me so I could bring my belongings too.

I am entirely aware that if I do come out to them A LOT of MY dreams will be ruined and shattered. And that I may live my life with regret going “that day is the day that fuckin’ ruined me. I shouldn’t have said anything and should’ve kept my mouth shut that. It wasn’t really needed to told.” I think I can deal with that and I think it NEEDS to be told.

I know that I’m going to have to compromise a lot of things, my home, college dreams and probably a high paid job. But I cannot live without being accepted. This isn’t a big deal really (being gay). – And I may never know…my parents may accept and be loving after some initial shock. But I highly doubt that although wish that were to happen.

I can no longer live like this sad and a worried soul who keeps going “what if”? I know under all that anxiety and frightful BS I have there’s a survivor who’s willing to do anything to survive and knows his OWN importance in the world. No one has to tell him and no one has to care. Those who will care will come along.

Oh and I’m no tough guy. Just thinking about coming out to them (or anyone outside my 2 friends for that matter) scares the shit out of me. But I have to do this. I think I’ll come out to them while they’re working, so maybe I won’t be beaten to death in my own home and really can’t do anything about it. And I really don’t know how to say it but I will find a way.

It’s either they love me or they don’t. And if they do kick me out, I’m sure they’ll worry more than I will because I know I can make it. A lot of people could make it, so why should I MAKE myself an exception? There’s probably a lot of successful people who probably gone through the same things I did. I’m ready for this. I just want all of your advice and what you guys think about this.

{{{Kunimitsu}}}

I think you’re doing the right thing. As long as there is such a fundamental truth that you are withholding from your parents, there will be a wall between y’all that will prevent you from ever having a good relationship with them.

In a perfect world, your parents would accept you and love you for what you are, and this would lead to a better relationship for you and them. I will hope and pray that they can see that you are more important than dogma.

I can’t begin to imagine what it would be like to come out to my parents (being a flaming het myself), but a couple of years ago, I, too, had to make a decision between unhappiness and dreams. I had to decide whether to stay in a bad relationship or risk never having children. Not only did I have to give up my best chance for having children, but my mother’s best chance to have grandchildren. She stuck by me, and I hope your parents will stick by you as well.

You’re young and you’re smart. I know that you can find a way to fulfill all of your dreams if you want to. And if you can’t have the relationship with your parents that you want when truth is between you, then it would never have happened while there was a lie between you.

I hope for the best of all possible outcomes for you.

Okay, you don’t know me, and I can’t give you any advice, but…

((Kunimitsu))

Good luck! :frowning: