I think anybody who doesn’t have any “dating issues” probably has a whole other host of other issues that serve to mask anxiety about dating. And anyone who actually enjoys the process of dating–at least, the initial, awkward parts of it–is probably someone I could probably not share a cab ride without wanting to climb out the window while in motion. So I wouldn’t worry about misleading anyone else as to your issues; that’s just par for the course, and if you can at least be reasonable honest (without excessive or premature disclosure) then you’re a lot better dating option than many women (and I suppose the same is true for men).
I don’t think dating–especially in more culturally “progressive” areas is ultimately a precursor to marriage, and as long as you’re upfront about just wanting a somewhat casual, or at least not 'til-death-do-we-part oriented, relationship there is still a pool of like-minded people. While dating is probably always somewhat difficult even for people who don’t have an aversion to it, I think dating just for the sake of saying that you’re dating is probably its own endless well of unhappiness. It may be, as a friend keeps reminding me, that “you have to kiss a lot of toads…” but if you’re not prince-hunting, why kiss toads at all? That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t take a chance on someone once in a while, but if someone really doesn’t strike you as being even interesting in lukewarm fashion, why waste an evening with them when you could be [del]enjoying a Sam Peckinpah mastepiece[/del], er, well, doing whatever gives you pleasure.
That being said, I have my own issues with dating, on-line or otherwise, and have pretty much given up the game, at least for right now. For the most part, I seem to be invisible to the type of women I’d be interested in, and the few who are “interested” in me seem to be so because they want something from me that I’m not offering. A fair portion of this is of my own making; I’m just not that interested in many subjects that make for light conversation, and am prone (though I try to police myself on this) to executing pedantic monologues on technical or somewhat arcane subjects that are frankly not of much interest to any sane person. I’m also not so much on the understanding of body language and non-verbal communication, and have a sense of humor that is perhaps a bit too dry and referential to work into general conversation. So I have friends that I spend time with when I want company, and rather insular and anti-social hobbies (reading, films, chess, learning languages, hiking) that would probably be difficult to find someone to share with on a regular basis anyway. It’s not as good as having someone to curl up with in front of the fire, but it also means that I don’t have someone pawing around through my stuff or nagging at me to be less like I am and more like they think I could be.
If I meet someone that I find attractive I’ll pursue it (in my socially-deficient, ham-fisted way–hey, at least I know now not to use public key encryption in electronic voting as an ice-breaker), but if I don’t, meh. Who the hell is going to want to go on a three month tour through Eastern Europe to look at the ecological damage wrought by the Soviet Union, or sea kayak around Alaska, or watch obscure Russian movies while attempting to master the language, anyway?
As for “mak[ing] [your]self sleep with more random guys”, while I don’t have any moral qualms about casual sex, personally I don’t think it’s all that great (and certainly less than safe) to sleep around with people you don’t even know very well or care anything about, even casually. I certainly don’t think it’s going to make dating any less painful. But that’s just me, and the whole zipless thing has never really been all that great; perhaps others have differing opinions.
Anyway, good luck to you.
Stranger
Seriously, why waste someone’s time?