Yeah. I mean, it’s possible that you’ll change (though I think that people who really think about it don’t change. The people who change, mostly, are the ones who never really thought about it very much), and it’s possible you’ll meet someone who doesn’t want kids and then changes her mind. But the best you can do is look for someone whose goals align with your current goals and hope for the best.
I wasn’t really against having kids, but I never had any desire for them. I assumed (when I was a teen) that I’d eventually want them, and would eventually have them. People told me I would, and I didn’t really think about it much. But once I did start thinking about it? It just wasn’t what I wanted out of life. I was 25 when I decided, and have never had a moment of doubt.
You sound to me like someone who has thought about it. Trust yourself. Chances are you aren’t an idiot.
If you’re asking other people for their opinions - no you shouldn’t.
Let it marinate six months, or a year and then revisit it. If you are still unsure, there’s no need to do anything permanent.
(I say this as someone who got sterilised at age 24 and has not regretted it for one minute. When I was ready to, I knew it was the right thing for me. It didn’t enter my mind to ask what others thought - I knew with utter certainty that it was the right choice.)
Toffe, I read your question yesterday, thought about it overnight, and was ready to answer the same thoughts Essured just posted. Wait a year at least.
There’s no such thing as “too young for a vasectomy,” as long as you’re a medically-autonomous adult. Don’t let anyone tell you what you will or won’t want later on in life. It’s your life, not theirs. If you have any regrets, they’re yours and nobody else’s. You can find all kinds of examples of people who had regrets, and others who had none. Nobody can know what you’re going to want 5 years from now, but I think it’s silly to hold yourself hostage to what your future self “might” want.
If you decide to get one, I agree that freezing some sperm is a good idea. It’s a good idea to hedge your bets just in case you change your mind.
jsgoddess has already covered my perspective for the most part. I have never wanted kids. That feeling has not wavered throughout my teens, 20s or 30s. I spent a lot of time thinking about it, and consulting with my then-girlfriend, although we both agreed that ultimately I had to make the decision independently of anyone else. I finally had a vasectomy at 36, and I have never felt any regret in two-and-a-half years since then. As others have said, having your dating pool limited to partners who also aren’t seeking children is definitely not a bad thing, in my view.
I’m not going to disagree with the people who suggest you freeze your sperm; if you feel any doubt, you may as well have that insurance. I personally did not choose that route, and the decision has never troubled me. You’ll have to do whatever you’re most comfortable with, since you’re the one that has to live with the impact.
I always knew I was going to get it done as soon as my second child was born (as in, two weeks later). So if you know you want to do it, go for it. I don’t think 30 is too young to know your own mind. There’s no real point waiting for some arbitrary age like 40 if you know your mind now. And it is reversible
I had mine after two kids, and it was great for many of the reasons stated here. When I got it IUDs were almost impossible to get in the US, and we were just about to go to Copenhagen for my wife to get one when we decided that I’d get a vasectomy instead. Used the money we saved for a cruise.
Still, if I were the OP I’d wait until he was in a committed relationship (I hope better than the last one) or hitting 35. It is hardly an urgent problem at the moment.
Actually it’s been marinating for around a half a decade at least. I’ve been seriously considering it ever since I was 25-26 at least, and never found a reason not to. I just never took the leap because of the “what if I change my mind” thing. But my mind hasn’t changed…
Why?
In my last committed relationship, we discussed having kids (well, she did ) and I never wanted them, even when we were happy together. I did give it a lot of thought, I think, but never found even a single item to put in the “pro” column, yet a bucketload for the “con”.
I’m seeing a lot of merit to the idea of limiting my dating pool from the start. If I end up dating someone who doesn’t want (more) kids but might change her mind, it’s not fair to either of us if she (potentially) might interpret my “no” as a “maybe” in the future - as happened to so many of my acquaintances and family members.
I knew from very early on I didn’t want children. I got my vasectomy in my Mid-20s and have never regretted having done so.
I’m 48 now.
One thing to keep in mind that I was not aware of. Before you can have the surgery, you have to prove you’re fertile. No sense in snipping things if you are firing blanks anyway.
So, I had to provide a before sample for them to validate the procedure would actually be changing anything. This is of course 20+ years ago so that may no longer be the case.
You will have to read and sign lots of documents stating you really do know what you’re doing and yes, you really want to take yourself out of the gene pool.
Prior to actually seeking out a vasectomy, I thought this would be one of the pre-surgery steps. It wasn’t, and at the time I completely forgot to ask why. Huh.
Bearing in mind that reversal comes with a significant risk of failure, particularly with the passage of time, and is unlikely to be covered by insurance. My own doc strongly encouraged me to think of it as a permanent step.
I think that is actually a very good point - you’re right that there definitely are women out there whose response to “I don’t want kids” is “Challenge Accepted!” You would be heading them off at the pass with already being snipped.
) and I never wanted them, even when we were happy together. I did give it a lot of thought, I think, but never found even a single item to put in the “pro” column, yet a bucketload for the “con”.