It’s perfectly okay to tell someone you don’t want kids, which should limit the dating pool. And once you are in one it is perfectly okay to mutually agree for you to have one. (Less competition for my virtual grandchildren.) It just seems reasonable to delay action which would be expensive to reverse unless there is a pressing need to do it now.
And if you hit 35 (or so) without being in one, then go ahead also, if you still feel that way.
If I were a woman and some guy told me not to worry about birth control because he had a vasectomy, I’d still worry. So having one might not improve anything until you get into a regular relationship.
Make no mistake, I’m for them. Mine really made my wife happy. Which made me happy. What’s the rush - unless there is a sale or something.
They didn’t ask me, but I had kids - one just before I got it and the other who was 5 who looked just like me. 
Did do lots of paperwork about being really sure, though. Back then there was reversal surgery, but I think the fail rate was a lot higher.
If he intends to be sexually active and wants to avoid pregnancy, the best way to do that is to take control of his fertility. That’s actually a bigger issue when he’s outside of a committed relationship than when he’s in it.
Thanks again, everybody, for your input and support.
Once the divorce and move are finally over, I’m going to talk to a doc about getting a fertility test, and get the ball rolling (so to speak…) on the surgery, after a fair window of extra thinking time as well. Will look into freezing a sample, but I honestly don’t think I will.
As I continue thinking about the surgery, I got to the realisation that my doubt - “what if I change my mind” - was all about being open to having my mind changed by a woman. That is, I am certain that I don’t want kids, for myself, but didn’t want yet to 100% exclude the possibility of having kids because of someone else’s desire to do so. In other words, I was only hesistating about getting sterilised because I didn’t want to potentially make a future partner unhappy.
On consideration, that’s a terrible reason to potentially have kids! I think I’d much rather only date people who don’t want (more) kids.
Again, I’m only going to start discussions and have a test done at this point, so it’s not final. But I think I’ve reached a decision at last.
No, I had none.
I had a vasectomy, and there are definite advantages within the context of a monogamous marriage. But if you are still dating, I’m not sure I see the point. You’ll need to use condoms, anyway, if you’re not a total idiot while dating, for disease protection, so I’m not seeing how the procedure is worth the small incremental decrease in accidental pregnancy. If you use the vasectomy to avoid condoms whilst dating around, that could lead to major regrets, disease-wise.
OTOH, if you DO change your mind in the future, you’ve got a major hassle if you did the snip. I vote for at least waiting another decade.
Do you have a dog? This is an important detail!
Even while married I’ve had ruptured condoms and had to resort to the day-after pill - more than once, and far more than acceptable.
Then there’s contraceptive sabotage, which in one case was done by a happily married woman - she wanted a second child, and her husband didn’t. (TBH he didn’t even want the first one, but got talked into it)
I’m not sure the incremental decrease is so small if I’m positive I don’t want to get anyone pregnant.
And no, I don’t sleep around much, and I’m careful when I try. I’m disease-free and intend to stay that way.
Eh? No. Unless a stuffed teddy-dog counts. Why?
And in a long-term relationship, you have a chance of both already knowing the other person’s opinion on what to do with an unplanned pregnancy and of having some valued input on what should happen next.
At the other end of the spectrum, in a one-night stand, you likely have neither of these things.
As a vasectomized 35-year-old with 2 kids, I have the following thoughts:
-You might think you will never want to have kids, but you should be a little more open to your own ability to grow and/or change. You never know how you might see things differently in 5 or 10 years’ time. You might meet someone who changes your entire outlook on things!
If you were 40, that would be one thing, but at 30 you have another 10 or so years where you could be a father of reasonable age.
-Reversibility is NOT 100%. My urologist said it was about a 50/50 proposition. Also, considering the original surgery is not exactly a walk in the park, I would be wary of undergoing the surgery twice (or three times if you have it repeated afterwards!).
-If you’re sure this is the way you want to go, the benefits are tremendous. To hell with condoms, I hope I never have to wear one again.
I think contraceptive sabotage isn’t enough of a risk to really worry about. The very rare times it even does happen there were warning signs ten feet high. Even in your example you mention the guy getting talked into having his first child.
The reason I ask about a dog is because I hear people who don’t want kids using the excuse “Well I’d be a terrible parent and wouldn’t want to put a child through that” then it turns out they have pets which are well cared for, nurtured and loved. If you can invest a decade or two caring for a pet, doting on it, etc then you have the capacity to be a great parent. Everybody is entitled to their life choices but I always find the “I’d be a bad parent” a very lame excuse.
But since you don’t have a dog so I guess you are off the hook…for now.
I completely disagree. I don’t think that a bad thing to consider at all. I spent my first 33 years not wanting kids. I never had an inkling of maternal nature. Then, I met my current SO. He had a vasectomy which I thought was great. No pregnancy risk! As I fell in love with him, I fell in love with what a great father he was for his kids (2 from a previous marriage). I found that I suddenly really did want kids, specifically with him. Raising kids with him seemed like a really fun prospect, whereas in the past, it had always seemed like a burden. Luckily, he was feeling the same way and was willing to get a reversal. So, for me, wanting kids was all about finding the right person to want to have kids with. I don’t think you should rule out the possibility of this happening for you, too.
For the record, a good surgeon should have a very high success rate for reversals (>80% return of sperm in the semen). A measure frequently cited is pregnancy within a year, but that is complicated by maternal factors too.
Freezing sperm is a highly dicey proposition. It’s something you might do as a sort of “Hail Mary” before chemotherapy, but it’s not a fail-safe. Interuterine insertion of sperm results in a pregnancy about 1/4 times–and that’s with a monitored, medicated cycle and either a fresh sample or a sample from the sort of person used by sperm banks–people with crazy high sperm counts so that many will survive freezing. For a normal guy to feel confident he could have kids if he changed his mind, you’d have to bank a lot of sperm.
I’m 56, got snipped early 30’s, after getting married and adopting my wife’s son. No regrets.
If I had things to do over again, I’d get one at 20 and make a sperm bank deposit! (Not that I’d have ever needed it.)
If you feel like you should freeze some sperm, “just in case”, then you aren’t ready to get a vasectomy. You’re still on the fence. Which means you shouldn’t have one.
And reversals sometimes work, but they very often don’t. If you go into this thinking that you can always get a reversal if you change your mind, then you shouldn’t have a vasectomy.
I had a vasectomy because my wife and I have two kids and we’re at the age where an unplanned pregnancy would extremely problematic. I’m very happy with how it turned out. But I’m happily married, I’ve already had my kids, and I’m planning on staying with my wife forever. And if something happened and I was on my own I’m not going to start a goddam second family.
You don’t need to even consider a reversal if you should change your mind ( or have it changed for you).
MESA or TESA procedures, where sperm cells are taken directly from either the vas, by syringe, or from a micriscopic slice of meat taken from the testes can yeild viable sperm cells which can be matured and used in IVF procedures with very good success rate are widely available these days.
I had my vasectomy at age 21 prior to fathering any offspring and never regretted it once.
It did alter the range of relationships available to me but not in a negative way, women who may eventually want children still want pregnancy free sex!
You’re only helping my case Everyone tells me I’d be a great parent, the problem is just that I don’t want to be. I love animals, especially dogs, but refuse to adopt one because it’s too much responsibility, too much sacrifice, and I don’t want to run the risk of possibly cocking it up and making the critter unhappy. I travel too much and wouldn’t be able to provide the care it deserves.
As for contraceptive sabotage - well, in otherwise happy relationships, especially among overworked couples, 10-feet warning signs (if they are present) are easily overseen.
And recently I’ve been working in the Brazilian Oil&Gas/Maritime industry, where contraceptive sabotage happens all the time (rich-ish guy, on shore, drunk - woman pierces his condoms while he’s in the bathroom, gets pregnant, sues for child support beyond what she could earn working a “normal” job). I’ve spent most of my life in the 3rd world. I’m very careful and don’t sleep around, but not having to worry at all about pregnancies, ever, would be nice.
That, my friend, is your answer. Good luck with everything!
I definitely see your point, and also understand why you wouldn’t have pets either.
My example was more along the lines of people who actually have animals/lifestyles that allow to care for them. My little rant wasn’t against you personally, but people that use “I would be a bad parent” as an excuse for not wanting kids. If your lifestyle doesn’t synergize well for having a family, then yeah, you’re better off getting a vasectomy.
And pardon my ignorance in regards to Brazillian contraceptive saboteurs; I was thinking in the context of the US mainland where the type of woman that would pull this would likely not be the type of woman you would have sex with. I didn’t realize this was a problem in Brazil though given how beautiful the women there can be I’m kinda not surprised it becomes an issue for people in your job field 
No one has to justify anything to you. Why the fuck do you care if someone doesn’t want kids? Their not wanting them is sufficient. Jesus.