Should I Go to My Ex’s Graduation?

In My Humble Opinion
1

My ex and I broke up after two months almost a year ago. It was my first relationship, nothing out of the oridinary, really, and it was not terribly serious. However, there was not a lot of closure, although while we’re not exactly comfortable around each other, we still talk. He is almost always the initiator.

He’s asked some fairly personal of my boyfriend in the past (for example, “I hear you’ve got a big penis…how big is it?” and “so…did you and Orange Skinner have sex yet?) which…are odd, to say the least, but par for course with this guy. Other than that, there are no problems between the two of them, not to imply that they’re all buddy buddy or anything, but they do get along well enough.

On the other hand, though, most people think he still has feelings for me; I also get this impression. His profile has read “a thing I don’t deserve” under marital status since a month after our break up, and even though he sited “I want to be able to date whoever I want” as a primary reason for leaving, he’s yet to see anyone else. He’ll occasionally bring up the ‘good old days’ in conversation, and he’s repeatedly asked my to go see a “The Two Towers” with him. (He took me to see “TFOTR” after we broke up for a month, then got back together that night). I’ve politely turned him down. Sometimes his conversation will border on flirting, but he’s never said anything outright.

He graduates next week, and invited us to come to his graduation party on the eighth.

I am fully, completely over him. I sort of regret getting into the relationship in the first place, to be honest. And I’m very, very happy with my boyfriend. This is strictly an issue of wanting to avoid giving my ex the wrong idea, and avoiding a ton of awkwardness for the three of us. (A little I can take).

His family will be there, obviously, but that’s not a problem as we’ve always gotten along well enough, especially with his younger sister.

On the whole, I would imagine going would be a little awkward, but no more so than most conversation with him have been, and I think it would probably be a nice gesture to bring him a card and show up for an hour or so. This would also be the last time I’ll probably see him, and (cheesy as it sounds) I’d kind of like to say goodbye, as unlike me as that sounds.

I haven’t had a chance to talk to my boyfriend about this, as of yet, but providing he doesn’t have a problem with it (which I don’t think he would, considering we’re horrifically open with each other and he knows how I feel about the ex), I’m leaning towards going.

What do you guys think? Would it be a bad call, considering it seems likely that he still has feelings for me, or is there nothing wrong with attending? Thanks.

2

My inclination would be to go.

Then again, my inclination has also given more wrong impressions than I’ll ever even know about. It does seem like it would be a nice gesture, but sometimes that’s exactly what some guys need to convince themselves that they really can win you over if they just try hard enough. And then they start trying.

If I were you, I would show up with your boyfriend, bring a card, make small talk with the family, tell him best wishes, and leave. Not showing at all would make you stand-offish, but staying too long could be worse.

3

This might be too late, but go ahead. You’re an important person to him – it seems clear he’d like you to be more important, but that’s not the point. Sure, he’d like to get you in the sack, but the reason you’re invited is because he wants you to share this milestone with him and his other friends. And the fact that you’re even considering it means that you don’t mind hanging out with him, so go have a few laughs. Definitely bring your boyfriend, though – that way, he’ll have no reason to get jealous and your ex will have no reason to think your being there means more than it does.

–Cliffy

4

Sounds a little creepy to me.

I would not go. However, if you ignore my sage advice (and you will, I am sure) then bring backup. I am sure that this guy has a nice little scenario built in his head about you, him, plenty of liquor, and lots of things that you’d regret in the morning.

And even if you bring backup in the form of your current SO, be prepared for him to make some sort inappropriate comment, especially if alcohol is involved.

Am I the only one that just says 'fuck ‘em’ when a breakup happens? lots of sentimentalists around here.

5

I agree with Stonebow.

I can envision a number of possible scenarios, and all of them are bad. I can’t see this one finishing like Rick and Elsa at the airport in Casablanca.

Mix a pining boy with poor social skills along with a bit of alcohol and a big social event, and you have all the ingredients for a disaster.

If you really want to say goodbye, send a nice card and maybe make a phone call on the morning of the party, but I’d stay 10 miles away from there.

6

Were I you, I would discover that my favorite maiden aunt had extremely dangerous surgery scheduled that very afternoon and that she had specifically asked that I be available to hold her hand in recovery (or even step-down).

In other words, I would not make it a point to say “I will not come to your party.” However, I would definitely not be available for that party (prior commitments and all).

I do not specifically see a disaster if you go, but there is no point in offering any remote or incidental encouragement to someone who is still pining after a year for a relationship that only lasted two months (and who, apparently, lacks social skills as well as sense).

7

Mail an average quality card to him. That’s good enough, and avoids the social awkwardness that’s bound to happen if you attend the event.

What part of “Ex” is it that he doesn’t understand? Your attending will only offer him hope that the relationship might be revived.

8

I don’t think that I could get jealous of the ex-boyfriend, he is too much of a goon. I found him asking “how big is your penis” and telling me that he had a fantasy that involved Orange Skinner and her mother to be a little strange, but not unusual for him, It’s just the way he is.

I also think he realizes that he has no chance with her, but he still likes her a lot, and feels bad for the way their relationship ended.

9

Thanks to all of you for the advice. His graduation is tomorrow (June 8th). To clarify, there won’t be any drinking, and therefor any under-the-influence-of-alchohol-ishness–his mother’s throwing the party and he’s so far under her thumb that he’s got a cuticle imprint between his ass-cheeks…so that’s not going to be a problem.

I should also probably mention that I’m friends with some of his friends and vice versa–our social circles overlap, and that’s the reason (excuse?) why I was invited along. And as I’ve said, we’ve maintained the semi-awkward friendship thing thusfar.

I still am debating about whether or not Mudshark and I will be making a brief appearance tomorrow at this blessed-holy event, but in either case, thanks again to those of you who replied. :slight_smile: