I’d like a general consensus on something I’m about to do in case it might not be all that good of an idea.
Years ago, I was madly in love with a young woman, who I became only a friend to, and we never even actually dated and she never actually loved me back, except once, for about 12 hours, maybe 24 and I was too young to actually handle my first real love but legends should be written about the 5 year pursuit by me of her. She was my age, but so much more world wise than I, having been married at about 16 and divorced by 17 and had been hitting the bars and stuff since then, something I had yet to do.
I did not even drink then. I had never had a girlfriend up to then or actually been interested enough to virtually risk everything to gain the love of one. (I was a late bloomer and, horrors, real girl shy, at least, until she fell over me and accidentally got my attention and suddenly, I was smitten and in pursuit.)
It started in 1970 and I ceased active pursuit in 1975, shortly after she married a guy much bigger than I, but, even today, older, wiser, much more experienced, I still think of her as the most beautiful woman I have ever met and I get embarrassed about some of the idiotic things I pulled to try to woo her. When it came to boy – girl relationships back then, I was not the brightest thing around, though her and I worked in a field where peoples lives often depended on our skills and knowledge.
Needless to say, I met her at work.
We became friends, something that lasted for years, and I became something like her psychoanalyst, listening to her hopes, dreams and problems, finding more out about her past life than perhaps I wanted to know and standing by her through thick and thin. Her parents liked me and often encouraged me while probably trying not to laugh at my bumbling efforts. At 19, I was probably equipped with a 17 year old world view and she had one of a 25 year old.
I think what my best asset for her was that I never gave up on her, when many people had, and was always there when others would have left. At one time, after I risked getting my butt thoroughly stomped by some guys and being challenged by her ‘friends’, then later risked my job by not going in so I could take care of her, I fished her out of a bad situation and spent a day making her feel much better about herself, and two days later, she told her Mom she was going to marry me, but then, a friend of hers talked her out of it. (Her Mom told me about this and, later, called me up to let me know what she had said when she got home from work because I was off that day.) Devastating. I stood by her when she accidentally killed a guy, no charges filed, and when this made her mentally collapse and she went to a big State mental institution and looked me up when she got out, almost a year later.
Ah, yes, nothing like youthful vigor fueled by idiot hope and overwhelming love to rock the world. She was always just about within reach, but I never caught her.
During this time, I matured probably 20 years in 5. This experience was about the most profound in my life, forcing me to rebel against my parents, to come out of my ‘shell’, to view the world as it really is, to start realizing that people did not fit into stereotypical molds, realizing that there was more to me than I thought, causing me to develop more power of personality and action than I ever had and equipped me to handle the outside world much better than ever before.
She changed my life forever. She later became one of the main reasons for me leaving the field I was in and to go on and delve into others, to learn how to act in night clubs, even to drink, to not stand out like a stick in the mud and to realize that there was much more to life than the realm of the complex job I did. I was one of those guys so in love with his work that I found excuses to work almost all of the time, with little social life and once I thought it would be nice to live right on the premises, so I could grab some sleep, a shower, and get right back to work.
I even went to college to learn more about the higher levels of my profession and often worked double shifts because I liked the field and the people, the clients and the building. (I know a whole lot better these days.)
Anyhow, she met and married a guy during a time when we had agreed not to see each other for a bit because I had, unjustly, angered her stupidly. I learned all about him in phone calls and letters she sent to me, right up to the wedding, which I did not attend. I even hung around in the shadows for a year or so, hoping they would divorce, but when she started having children, I kind of got the idea that the marriage might last a bit longer than I thought and, finally, let go.
That was well over at least 22 years ago and there have been many other affairs of the heart since then, but none ever so wild and powerful as that first one was. We never had intimate relationships but I never found anyone afterwards who could make me hang on for the wild ride she took me through. In fact, several who started to do something similar found that within a few events, I no longer was there to stand by them.
So, the other day, in a mellow mood, after shoveling out boxes of garbage and dumping momentos that I’ve had stored away for ages, I stumbled across her picture and fondly reflected on the past adventures and reflected on how I would never put up with such stuff today but recalled how intensely exciting it was and, just for the heck of it, went to the Internet and discovered that she still lived in the next city, where she had lived when I was after her, and still married.
I contacted old friends who knew her and found out that the kids are all married and gone, she and he still work, that they are doing very well financially and they live on the lot right next door to her original home. I learned that her father and mother had passed on years ago and she seems happy with her lot in life.
Now, in the past, with some old, special people, I have, occasionally over the intervening years, out of nowhere, dropped them a simple line thanking them for the things they taught me and have discovered through mutual friends, that they were pleased to receive the little note. I did not go and reestablish contact, just sent the note and in one case, the woman really appreciated it because it arrived at a low point in her life and cheered her up. I never have expected a return note or contact, but have gotten a few phone calls, chatted awhile and then we went back to wandering around in our own orbits in life.
So, I thought about sending this girl one. I never put on a return address, feeling that doing so might give them the impression that I’m rooting for a second chance, but I’d like to just drop her a couple of lines showing appreciation for her invaluable lessons she taught me, without which my life might have turned out far worse.
But, I hesitate, not having sent one out in 8 years. So, I ask of you wise folks with various and sundry life outlooks, should I? Guys, what would you feel if your wife of over 20 years suddenly got one? Gals, what would you do if out of the past, an ex-boyfriend just sent you a letter of thanks consisting of only 2 or three lines, especially if you recall how determined he was. Since this girl 'started it all, she’s special and I find myself in hesitation, not wishing to offend, which, for me, is a bit curious.
I owe her much more than I can ever repay. (I even sent my first sexual encounter such a note 10 years after we parted company and she moved out of State. I had to track down her address in order to do so. I never heard back from her, but that was OK.)
Well, do I or don’t I? You have all of the information now.