Quit contacting him. He has made it abundantly clear that he’s not interested in a relationship. It’s not important why (though it’s undoubtedly your connection to his sister), nor is his lack of interest a reflection on you as a person.
It seems strange that you would believe this third-party remark strongly enough to act on it. It sounds far more likely that the person making the remark had the problem, not you or your uncle. But as you say, who knows.
Are YOU hallucinating? I never mentioned being clinically depressed, either, and never said that you did. Then you said “…if I did say depressed…” If you want to read your OP, you will easily pick up the word in the second to last paragraph, for a certainty, not ‘If’. That’s where I picked it up.
You sound a little paranoid in unreasonably suggesting that I want to *accuse *you, or anybody, of being on medication. Particularly as a slander.
But, I didn’t post to harangue you. You’ve been on here long enough to know that when people have more or less unreasonable fixations (which is what I regard your situation as), and they slip in phrases that include words such as ‘depressed’, the whole of the thread can go for pages and then the OP says ‘Oh, btw, my crack usage was slowed way down by the psychotropic meds that I’ve been taking along with my marijuana therapy’, and then ask if the Dopers think that that is relevant.
Listen, grude, no reason to get your underwear in a bunch; you were persisting in pursuing a relationship, when the other person has, consistently, dissed you. Yet, you kept on. After how many years? If you can’t take a clue, sheesh, I was trying to get you to see the futility of your activity. And, to find out if we were being led around the barn without all of the info.
Best wishes.
“I’m kinda depressed that another member is alienated.”
So this suggests depression that is warping my sense of joy and enjoyment of life and that I need treatment for? Not like aw I saw a puppy get hit on the freeway, so depressing.
You were so sure of it you proceeded to type almost a full paragraph worth of questions.
The English language, not always literal!
Agreed.
Not everyone gets along. Not all family wants to keep in touch. Who knows what he (and her) went through growing up.
I have my drug using, alcoholic, irrational, hateful, and sometimes threatening sister blocked from my e-mail and phones. When ever her addy/number changes, I block the new one. I rarely talk to my mostly normal family man brother. Just how it works out sometimes in some families.
The missing background is like I said my whole family is a bunch of whacked out nuts, its not like one estranged nut in a bowl of family it is a bowl of estranged nuts. And since he keeps sending cash despite not wanting to say hi to me I thought hey at least I could talk to the guy before he dies.
Anyway I think about the guy a few times a year, or when he makes another money drop. When I say try to contact him I mean an email or three a year, same amount of phone calls. Then other people will say aw look he loves you and wants to contact you, thank him!.
It isn’t a fixation, it is something I think about a few times a year if that(unless he does something).
Oh yea during the argument he had with my mom I honestly did want to ask him why he wanted to reprobate a long ago probated house that he already owned 50% of. He went to great expense with expensive lawyers to reprobate it to get…50% of it. I honestly wondered what the deal was, which became moot when he totally changed his tune and called it off. Then all of a sudden he wants me to sign accepting 10%, ok yea wtf man.
Totally off topic, but wasn’t there an address on the envelope or check you could send a thank-you letter to?
If you want some kind of connection, send a Happy New Year card every year. Maybe he’ll reply some day.
Didn’t you see the Seinfeld episode where Jerry suddenly cashed all the checks his elderly aunt had been sending him? :eek: Wiped out her account or something, sending her into a senile panic. 
Maybe he wants you to accept share of the house so you’ll be partly responsible for the taxes and insurance. And if he were to become lax, you’d surely pick up the slack, wouldn’t you? You know, to save your credit rating and all…
He sent you checks for years and you never cashed them or sent him a thank you note? (Not having his phone number is no excuse for not thanking him.) That amounts to snubbing him. For years. From his side, it looks like you’ve been rude. He didn’t know what was/is in your mind. Why would he be well-disposed toward you now?
It is a thing that happens here often where a poster is accused of altering a situation , or even outright creating it out of whole cloth, it drives me nuts. Once a poster asked how people would react to a medical doctor doing some christian proselytizing, sure enough someone accused them of imagining the whole thing and being nuts.:smack:
So your post struck me as “do you have mental health problems?” which is just a round about way of questioning my perception of the situation. I reacted badly cuz this shit drives me insane!
“So you admit to insanity, got it”
I did send thank you notes, and once he finally got a answering machine and then a voicemail left messages thanking him. The checks are mailed with no personal message at all, not even on the note line.
But even then it was kind of odd, and my family bugged me to thank him LIVE, get in contact with him and thank him properly grude! It felt odd he wouldn’t want to contact me but ok no biggie.
Then I heard he was sick of sending a twentysomething Christmas toy money, and that shit just made me angry! I was going out of my way to thank him and talk to him, for gifts I never asked for. No one asked him to continue sending a twentysomething toy money checks, and then refuse to talk to me so I couldn’t even confirm it. In fact had I been able to talk to him I’d have told him I was thankful and grateful, but he no longer needed to send me xmas money as I was an adult.
In short I felt like I was being jerked around and stopped leaving him voicemails and threw the checks away so he would not have something to bad mouth me about behind my back.
Then the whole thing with him wanting to reprobate happened and brought him back to my mind, and trying to give me a share after that.
I’m only fixated on it to the degree of what is this dude’s dysfunction? And I wasn’t sure how to read the situation, everyone else is like my god man he wants to give you part of a house?! Holy shit you’re ignoring a rich uncle, call him til you get in contact him you ungrateful shit!
This topic has made me fixate on the situation way more than I ever did before.
Yea this basically is the situation as I now see it, and this thread has made me reflect and realize this guy has been messing with me.
This has just been a situation that has puzzled me and I wasn’t sure I was reading it right, I think I am now.
Thanks everyone.
Actually, it appears that the only one messing with your head is you. From what you’ve written here, I don’t get the impression that he thinks about this situation at all.
Sorry, I missed that.
You “heard”? From whom? A troublemaker in the family?
And throwing the checks away? Yeah, that really got your message across. Not. Better to have mailed them back with a gracious note.
He shouldn’t have kept sending them, but he’s not here asking for advice. What he did and his possible reasons are not a good basis for your actions. IOW he sounds like a total PITA, but that doesn’t mean you get to be one.
Our work here is done.
By the way - if your uncle wants a new young relative to send checks to that will not try to thank him or contact him in any way, PM me for my address 
Family can be weird. I’ve got a whole leg of family right here in town that I never have contact with. My mom died when I was very young- about 6. I felt I was close with her sister, my aunt- her husband and kids (my uncle and cousins) and have fond memories of that side and visits with them.
But it seems that as soon as my mom died, that whole end of the family just kind of faded away. I made contact with them about 10 years ago and was invited to their Thanksgiving dinner. I went with some of my siblings, my husband, and my kids and had a very good time. Everyone was just as nice and friendly as I recalled from childhood. And then I never heard from any one of them since.
I guess they just have their own thing going on that doesn’t include this side of the family.
I have always felt somewhat hurt by this. My thoughts were that as I was a child, my aunt and uncle had some responsibility to maintain contact. Since they didn’t, I made contact as an adult that was apparently well received but got no follow up. I think the harder truth is that they just didn’t care enough to do so.
Since your uncle sends a check each year, at least he does care about you on some level. Perhaps that is all the family contact he is able to tolerate. You said your family had a lot of nuts- is it possible he has some type of mental issue? (Once my son was diagnosed with autism, it became pretty clear that I have a family full of diagnosable folks.)
Or maybe he is estranged because he felt someone tried to cheat him out of his share of the inheritance and still holds a grudge about being treated unfairly. Sending you the a check may mean he doesn’t hold you responsible for that. (Does he send checks to anyone else?)
Also, you said you gave him your US phone number and that he flew in for a visit. Is there any way you could show up on his doorstep one day with an invitation to lunch or something? Maybe a face-to-face visit would be useful if you really want to have or clarify a relationship with him.
grude, I think most people on this board is way too libertarian about their personal space. Its a running joke that the slightest relationship complaint here will result in piles of “he/she doesn’t really like you, get out” instead of trying to work at the problem to solve it or wait it out.
People are too focused on one aspect of your uncle’s behavior, the non-communication, and totally ignore the fact that he still sends money and has contacted you about the house. They over weight one and pretend the other doesn’t exist for some reason
I think that you cannot make an assumption on what the uncle wants one way or the other. He’s not against communication at all. His behavior could be that, or he can simply be lazy, or some other reason. I know for myself, I often know I have to do something, like clean up the house, or write a letter, and its not that I don’t want to do it, but sometimes I take months to do it because I simply am not in the mood. I think your uncle might be the same way
Barring any kind of “don’t contact me” letter, I’d say keep trying to establish contact. If anything, the contradiction in him ignoring you and the house and money contact he initiates makes him seem like he’s more than willing to talk to you. If he doesn’t want it, he can just tell you no, but I would keep writing emails and letters and occasionally try the phone. The best thing would be if you’re in his neighborhood and can just drop by, it’ll be more difficult ignoring a ringing doorbell. Eventually, you’ll force him to either tell you why he’s not communicating (or give you clear sign by slamming the door in your face) or get him talking, which is a win-win for you. Good luck
Again, off topic -
Your family thinks the “best” thank you, a written note, is some how a low-rent response to what is considered by many the worst* kind of gift? That is sad.
- I think cash is an acceptable gift for younger relatives too old for toys,