Should I really be upset by this?

I’m 27. My parents have been together and there for me all my life. Today I get a call at work from my mom telling me that she’s going home to LA for the month. The reason: my father and she have been having problems for the past 5 months and they may break up. This, coupled with domestic problems of my own (the GF moved in with me & things don’t seem to be working out), has really got me upset. I’m at work, but can’t concentrate. I’m feeling a little nausueas (sp?). I love them both and I keep thinking what if my mom moves back to LA after they split? When will I get to see her? So my question is, at age 27 when I’m no longer dependent on my parents, should it really affect me this badly if they divorce?

No reason why it shouldn’t, at any age, BratMan. It’s part of your world tearing apart, and that’s a tough thing to go through. Don’t nurse any illusions about “being grown up” or “taking it like a man”. It’s devastating, so don’t feel bad about having a hard time dealing with it. I’d think something was wrong with you if you just shrugged it off, actually.

I’m 41, and a couple years ago my older brother went through a divorce. It still kind of weirds me out. And this is my brother, not my parents. What you’re feeling is perfectly normal, if you ask me.

Sorry about your situation, my friend. Hope everything works out, and you and your folks get through it all OK.

Hang in there, man.

Age has nothing to do with it. These are your parents and you seem to love them a great deal. The last thing you or any child wants to see is their parents splitting up.

The emotions you feel are normal whether you are 7, 17, 27, or 57. As an adult you can rationalize this much better than a child can but it doesn’t change the way you feel.

I hope your parents work things out and that the same happens for you and the GF.

Yea, I agree with Dave. It doesn’t matter what your age is, when your parents break up it is devastating. Don’t try to be the macho man, talk about it, let it out. It helps to have close friends that can help you deal with it.
I hope your mom won’t move that far away from you. Maybe this will be just a trip for her and she will realize that she’d rather be back closer to you.

BratMan007,
My folks divorced when I was 25. I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. Hell, I wished they’d done it when I was 15. My mom didn’t because she wanted my brother and I to have a family. Faulty thinking there. They always fought and none of us got along too well.
Should you be upset? Yeah, if you feel like it. Maybe your parents haven’t been getting along for a long time and you didn’t realize it.
My grandmother, bless her heart, gave me an newspaper clipping about kids dealing with parents divorcing. I appreciated the idea, but I didn’t care if they were divorcing or not. They’d been playing with that one for 4 years at that point.

Yeah, be upset. But don’t be selfish. Let your parents do what they want. You don’t have to be happy with it, but they need to be happy. You’ll see your mom. Maybe not as often as you would like, but it will make those times more special.

If you’re at work and you can’t concentrate, take some time off. I had to once, because I couldn’t function. (My brother had been in a serious life threatening accident.) Spend some time to yourself, and if your GF is nagging you about it, talk to her and tell her what’s on your mind. If she can’t handle it, or help you deal with it, then forget about her for awhile, because only you can make you happy. And I believe that everyone should be happy, or trying to make themselves happy.

My advice, or words, may not be of any help, but sometimes talking to someone you don’t even know can make you see things in a different light, a bit of outward introspecition, if you will. Just relax a bit, bro, and don’t get would up in it. Go watch “Office Space” and worry not about life.

Thank you everyone. I’ve been feeling on the verge of tears since I heard. Since all the crap I went through last year (broke up with my fiance, lost my apartment, lost my job, etc) I withdrew from all my social circles and now that something’s wrong I realize I haven’t spoken to any of my friends for about 7 or 8 months; work, depression, and most recently the GF took up my time. I feel strange calling them out of the blue all of a sudden with personal problems.

I do like Brood McEto’s advice though. Maybe I’ll grab a 6-pack and rent Blazing Saddles on the way home from work tonight to get my mind off things for a while.

It is not at all difficult to understand your having some feelings on the subject. A lot of variables can affect to what degree the whole thing might upset you, but, after all, they are your parents so of course you’re affected.

My parents divorced when I was 22 and the ultimate effect on me was not that great. I think it did significantly affect my two younger siblings, who were still in high school and junior high. It affected their daily lives. For me it took a couple of years of treading lightly on the subject of the other parent - I basically established the ground rule that I was not going to take sides. It was a bitter, long-fought divorce and they managed to utterly destroy their finances; perhaps I should’ve stepped in to help them see the folly in their war. I really couldn’t manage any discussion of the subject with either parent without it turning into a…, hmm, well let’s just say a non-productive discussion. With an additional 25 years of life experience under my belt I think I possibly could manage it a bit better now.

So, Bratman, you’ve not revealed much detail, but if you’re not inclined to take sides I’d guess it likely that the affair will carry some weight in your mind, but that will not knock you off track.

I hope that helped a bit (reading it now, I’m not sure if there’s much content to it). Good luck with everything, pal.

Thanks beatle.

No, I do not want to take sides. I also don’t imagine this being a hard-fought divorce. Most likely, my dad will keep the house and my mom will go live with her father in LA (she can’t work since she hurt her back many many years ago). Since I’ve moved out of the house, I’m the last to know about these sort of things, and I had no idea that things were this bad. Basically, my mom call me at work today and dropped this on me - she’s leaving for LA today, that’s how much warning I got. Now I’m confused, stuck at work until 8pm tonight, and have no one to talk to, that’s why I’m posting it here, I just need to vent and bounce my feelings off some people. Thanks to everyone for understanding.

Bratster, my buddy. :frowning: My heart goes out to you. Sorry I’ve been gone so much lately. You’ll be in my prayers, as well as your parents. I will second what the others said, and yes, do go rent Blazing Saddles. Laughter never hurts.

{{{{{{{{Ron}}}}}}}} Kiss
Btw, I just loved the pic of your niece you sent me!! She’s adorable! :slight_smile:

Thanks PB.

I missed you lately, of course I’ve been gone myself. I went to KY for a 4-day weekend, then had a training class for a week for work, so I haven’t been around too much lately either.

{{{{{{{{{{{{purplebear}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Oh, uh, sorry PB, didn’t mean to grab your ass like that when I hugged you. Just a habit of mine.

'Saright. I take it you didn’t notice that I grabbed yours when I hugged you a little while ago. :wink: And, thanks for the hug.

<leans close and plants a quick peck on his cheek> smoooch!

Sorry things aren’t going well.

{{{{{{{Bratman}}}}}}}

I hope that everything works out in the best way possible.

Scotti

BratMan007, I’m very sorry. The posters before me have already said all the things I can think of, so I’ll just say I’ll be thinking of you. I’m glad you have us here on the boards as someone to talk to.

BTW, I’m Audrey… don’t think we’ve talked before.

Brat, yes, be as upset as you like. As long as you don’t take it out on them. As someone said in an earlier post, they have a right to be happy. I was 20 when my parents divorced. I know how that feels. I’m sorry you were so caught by surprise, tho, and found out over the phone and at work. That’s rough. If you want to talk some time, email me. {{{{{{{{{{{{Brat}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

When your parents break up its like the anchor that secured you in a sea of storms has come apart.

You start to realise that nothing is permanent and it can undermine your confidence.

Their decision was probably not taken lightly and to them at the moment it offers the best solution.

The only thing you can really do is show that your love for them has not changed, theirs certainly hasn’t. You ought to to talk to your brothers and sisters as they may have better or worse ways of coping, as for taking sides, well it is always the case that children tend to feel closer to one parent than the other but try not to be judgemental.

You do sound lonely and I would suggest that you make an extra effort to get involved with others.
When people have been what you have just lately it is so devastating that it is easy to withdraw from the world where possible.
Get into something even if its just the local pool league.

I’d like to thank everyone again for your support. I worked 12 hours yesterday and was thinking I’d go home to an empty apartment because my GF was supposed to be at a birthday party. It turns out she decided to stay home to be with me, cuz she knew I was upset. We talked for hours and she and I have straightened out many of our problems.

So anyway, I’m still confused about my parents, but I’ve had time to think on it and I realize it’s out of my hands. It’s not my decision, and after my parents have been married for 30 years, I doubt their decision was made hastily.

So at least one little crisis in my life is better (the GF staying home to work things out) and I’m just going to have to adapt to the idea of my parents not being together. My dad is going to church with my sister and her family today, and he wants to talk to me later on in the week. Unfortunately, I doubt he wants to see me cuz he got tickets to the Rams-Broncos game.

Bratman, a not so funny thing happened to me on the way to the… I got a call from my mom last week saying pretty much the same thing. After 42 years of marriage, my parents are splitting up. Very strange dealing with it. Anyway, I have an idea of how you are feeling and wish the best for you. My folks are already starting with the “he is” “she is” stuff, I am staying out of the middle. I hope it’s not the same for you. Hang in there man.

BratMan, it sounds like you are more concerned with not getting to see one of your parents if they split up rather than the split itself. This is very understandable. I hope that your mother will stay around so you can still see her as frequently as you used to. But even if not, hey–now you have another reason to go to California!

Both of your parents love you very much and they don’t want to hurt you. However, they have to do what is best for them. I’m sure your mom didn’t mean to be cruel when she called you at the last minute to tell you her plans. She is probably feeling more than a little guilty about the whole thing.

Most parents are conditioned to always put their children’s needs before their own. Therefore, when they go and do something for themselves, it bothers them–especially if the thing they are doing for themselves can hurt their children.

Don’t be too hard on her for how she let you know. You say that your parents have always been there for you, well now is the time for you to be there for your parents.

Maybe nothing will happen anyway! Maybe your mom just needed a little break! I’m sending positive thoughts your way! I hope everything gets better for you SOON!

I’d want my folks to be happy.