Run like hell away from him. And stop smoking before it kills you.
I would like to recommend the following from one of my favorite sites, Heartless Bitches, International:Eight Easy Ways To Spot An Emotional Manipulator, and Emotional Abusers.
Further reading can also be had here: Romeo’s Bleeding: When Mr. Right Turns Out To Be Mr. Wrong.
To sum up - run like hell. You don’t wanna be thinking, some years from now, “Ya know, if I’d killed him when I’d met him, I’d be out of jail now…”
It’s all about control, baby, and he’s trying to control you. You don’t seem to be trying to rationalize his actions or excuse them with “But he looooooves me!”. You seem to have a clear view of what he’s doing is not acceptable in a loving relationship. When you’ve had enough of him, you’ll leave and not look back. Are you there yet?
If he’s acting like THAT just because you had one or a few cigarettes as a reaction to a very stressful day, I’d have to say he was trying to control and manipulate you. From what you’ve described, his behavior sounds very immature and childish. Dump him.
F_X
I’m sure there is a lot more to this than you lying about smoking. Quite possibly it could be that he’s a manipulating control freak that will find reasons to act like this for ever.
Dump his sorry arse. You don’t need or deserve this kind of CRAP! And stop smoking would you please?
Don’t just leave, but stop being a doormat as well…
If I were you I would confront him (or her, as it would be for me) and say something along the lines of, “Ok, I’m not happy with this, and unless we make some chances around here I’m on the next bus! Ok, so I smoked, but it was just one after a stressful day and you could always have tried to help instead of sulking like a 10 year old. I love you, but relationships are a two way thing!”
Of course, you know the guy, we don’t, so you’d have to gage how firm to be without throwing him too much on the auto-sulk-defensive. However, if you never stand up to these things how is he ever going to know it’s a problem, let alone change?
Hell, if you’re planning on leaving anyway, you might as well have it out and leave knowing the full score.