My partner (who I have ranted about b4) is no longer speaking to me. The reason I told him I had started smoking again… I am at my wits end. I feel like I am being treated like a 10 year old kid. It is the weekend. I have had a hard week at work.
He walks pass me bumping into me, not apologising. I walk into a room he walks out.
I have started packing my stuff. I have no where to go to as yet. I hope by doing this he might try and stop me. I dont really think he has even noticed. As long as he is okay. I cannot take the silence any longer.
It does not sound like you are in a mature relationship. Sulking and passive agressive actions are not how adults work things out.
I’m sorry to hear you started smoking again, but this is not the issue. And if you’ve ranted about him before, you already have your doubts. Now screw up your courage and do what it takes to make you happy. The first step is always the hardest…after that, it gets easier.
There is always somewhere to go. Drop this loser ASAP. My mom stayed in an abusive relationship for years because she, too, thought there was nowhere to go.
In a healthy relationship, you have arguments, you resolve them, you make up. If your SO is acting in such a childish, passive-aggresive way over your smoking, it’s time to get back your self-respect and GO!
If he’s being upset for purely health reasons, like if smoking might imminently cause you terrible immediate harm (you are an asthmatic or have some other condition) I can see that. If this is not the case, I think his best course of action would be to help you quit, or give you really good incentives to quit, if that’s his major issue.
Instead, it sounds like the smoking is only the trigger to a deeper problem. Keep packing.
If I remember correctly, you posted about a very weird and problematic relationship some weeks back. I remember thinking then, she’d be better off without him, but IIRC tried to post something constructive and positive.
Seeing your name again on the post title (assuming you are the person I’m thinking of) I thought DUMP HIM even before I clicked through and read your thread.
Reading your thread, I even more strongly feel that you should END THIS RELATIONSHIP asap.
Leave the bum. I agree w/Tranquilis: bumping you and not talking is comically immature… if it hadn’t actually happened. This is a man who is more concerned with manipulating you than with getting you to stop an unhealthy habit.
You are all so sweet. I tried to have it out with him and he told me to shut up. He then stated that I LIED to him. SOrry I did stop for 5 months but have started a hectic job and one day I smoked. So that is the reason I told him. He did ask me previoulsy if I was smoking and I said no. The reason for this was I knew that this situation I am in now would happen so I kept quiet.
For the love of God, don’t stop packing long enough to read the responses in this thread. Throw the rest of your stuff into boxes and haul ass out of there. If this man (and I use the term loosely) is acting like an adolescent, and is too stupid/inobservant/self-absorbed to realize that you’re packing, you do NOT want him trying to talk you into staying. You just want him to get the fuck out of your way.
One the one hand it’s kinda nice – I know that anyone I’d consider a long term SO I wouldn’t want to smoke. OTOH the way he’s dealing with it… unless he’s 14 it sounds ludicrously immature.
I don’t know this guy and I haven’t heard his side of things so I won’t start calling the guy names. There’s way more going on here than has been revealed. There has to be.
That being said, it’s probably just time to leave. If he really doesn’t care that you’re packing, why would you even consider staying. Since he’s not beating you or making threats on your life, you have time to find something reasonable for yourself and you don’t have to go running at the soonest possible opportunity but you should go fairly soon.
To Qadgop’s wonderfully succint two-step plan, I would suggest a third step:
Figure out why exactly you’re willing to accept being treated like furniture. Then change that, or you will repeat this relationship over and over, simply with other partners.
Life is way too short to do that sort of thing more than once. Take care.
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Has he always been an avid anti-smoker?
Sounds like this is only the straw that broke the camels back. WHY oh Osip of the Swiss cheese mind would YOU think that? Well, in your other thread. (previously linked) He has already shown a behaviour pattern of emotional withdrawl. You also mentioned there you had been together a year. In this thread, you have stated
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He lived with you and showed emotional support to you prior to your quitting. Actually, it seems he quit kissing you and such actions AFTER you quit smoking. Your renewal of your habit is not the cause of him being a baby. It is only something he want to use as an EXCUSE to act this way. I bet dollars to doughnuts there is something else under the smoking straw.
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No he is ACTING like a 10 year old child.
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Yep, 10 year old Passive agressive actions.
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Good you can do better out there than put up with this.
** If you have to spend a few more days in Hell before you can find a place to live I would suggest it. Heck, if I were not on the other side of the pond I would offer a couch.
** why? so he can treat you like shit again over some other infraction or action? well, ok. I would guess your trying to avoid the pain that you sense is soon to follow.**
**If he is that oblivious to you you should make plans to leave. Sounds like he is only upping the ante since your last rant about him.
**Silence is not bad, silence is nice when you do not have a passive agressive baby sitting in the other room. I am sorry to say this, This whole situation is gonna hurt like hell. But, leave as soon as you can find somewhere to go. The pain you will experience now will go away. It will also be MUCH less than what you will experience if he is unwilling to talk things out and meet you half way.