The story so far…
Mrs. Z and I have been married for just shy of 5 years. Right now we are having a rough time. You see she suffers from clinical depression and to top it off my nerousies have kind of caught up to me about, oh, September the 12th.
Right now she says that she does not feel deep love for me. (She actually said the I love you but I’m not in love with you thing. Don’t women know how that just sounds like bull-ppop?)
Where was I? Oh yeah
So we haven’t had sex since December. (her idea not mine) When she finally came around to admitting that she had cut me off she said it was becasue she didn’t want to lead me on. She has started thearpy as have I and although she says she wants the marriage to stay together she doesn’t ‘know’ that it will so no sex till she does.
Although the other day she did admit that if I were to ‘force the issue’ at the ‘right time’ she would have sex with me so somehow I’m supposed to figure out when to kick in the door ala John Wayne in The Quiet Man but John Wayne had a script and a director yelling action but I have neither so I’m a bit less of a man.
Mrs.Z is an actress and is having a level of success at the off-off broadway level. I have been very supportive of this endevour. Even though it means that she spends long hours in rehersals. Even though it means that she sometimes kisses other actors. Even though it means that she works as a temp which sometimes really cuts into our income. I do this because I love her and I trust her. I thnk (and my doc thinks) that one problem with our relationship is that it is almost father/daughter not husband/wife and because I am so willing to put other peoples happiness before my own it kind of sets this up.
She has also admitted that she has feelings for someone she has acted with and feels terrible guilt over it. (she feels guilty alot, more than a normal person and is working on that in thearpy) I’ve told her that just because you take a wedding vow does not mean that you will never be attracted to another person the question is what do (or don’t do) about it.
So she is in a play which started it’s run on Thrusday. I of course that night witch is called a preview by some but opening by others. Most of the cast goes out afterward and I go along.
Friday I don’t go to the show. But she and the rest of the cast go out. She calls after the show on the way to the bar and tells me. She also calls when she leaves the bar to let me know she is on the way home. (we’ve discussed that I should know if she is going out or is going to be late) When she gets home she tells me how the play went and the funny things her drunk castmates did at the bar.
Saturday the same thing. I don’t go to the play and she and cast goes out and she calls on the way to the bar and again later when on the way home.
Sunday her parents (who know that we are at a tough spot in the marriage) come down and watch the matinee. I go with them we have dinner afterwards. It goes really well (we were both nervous) and she goes back to the theatre and I go home. She goes out really just for one drink and comes home.
Something you should know is that I snore and for a long time (before we were married) sometimes one of us will sleep on the couch. Mrs. Z fell right asleep when we went to bed Sunday night and I couldn’t fall asleep so I went out to the living room and watched tv and fell asleep on the couch. Now I seem to recall that her cell phone was plugged in charging as hers if plugged into the wall behind the couch and it fell on me in the night.
So Monday she is really tired and the show goes up at 7 and not 8 so she will be done around 9:30. I figure that she will come straight home being so tired and all. I don’t eat dinner thinking that we will eat around 10, 10:30 when she gets home. About 11 I call her cell. (this is a monumental task for me to call her and ask for the information (where the hell is she?) that I need/desire) It rings then goes into voicemail. She calls much later and says that her cell phone is dead and is calling from a payphone and is on the way home. When she gets home she tells how another woman in the cast had to talk to her about boyfriend troubles. Then she talks about the sister of one of her castmates, (also an actess that Mrs. Z competes with for roles) and she repeats a conversation that she told me about Saturday night.
I remember the cell phone charging. (was middle of night may have been wrong)
Called her cell and it rang. If it is off it does not ring but goes straight into voicemail. She said the phone was dead.
She repeats the recount of a previous night. After she accounts for time with actress A she adds time spent with actress B to fill out the night.
When she is home she seems even more distant than usual. (maybe my imagination)
This morning she recounts a dream she had last night.
she was in a bar with some of her castmates and members of Duran Duran. (but they were the good looking gguys of the early 80’s, no they were older and worn out) She tells everybody has she used to love them. Also everyone accused her of being drunk which she denies but she is constanlty spilling drinks on herself.
Gee subtitute my name for Duran Duran and switch fooling around with being drunk and dream makes perfect sense.
However I know I blow things out of proportion. I mean she broke the phone call pattern of the two previous nights. Is that a big deal?
Maybe she after not calling she felt guilty and decided to tell me a white lie about her phone being dead.
And now the ultimate test of trust.
Mrs. Z is in an acting company and after being in there a while they will produce a ‘special project’ for a member. It is a big deal. Generally the actor picks a play and casts it and chooses a director and the company will get a space for you. Mrs. Zs project is coming up. (rehersals start wednesday) This has been in the works for about 8 months. She is doing The Importance of Being Earnest. But guess what? The guy she is attracted to is in the cast, (wait for it) as her love interest! She says she hasn’t done anything but now for the next 6 weeks she will be going night after night to act with him. AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS THIS IS A BAD IDEA?!?!?! (hey there’s an open container of gasoline let’s smoke!)
So…what do you think?