Should I take one for the team?

(MPSIMS poll)

SO just called and asked if it’s OK that he needs to spend the night out Friday night.
(He works at a cancer clinic, and signed up for Relay for Life-overnight fundraising event- months ago. They’ve had a lot of overnight volunteers back out last minute.)
My response?

“Have fun! I’ll make some sandwiches for ya!”

His response?
slightly disappointed
“Oh- uh-OK…”

Then it dawns on me…

“Ohhh- I get it. I tell you you’re not allowed to spend the night out, you get out of it since you don’t want to go anyway, and I take the heat for being the jealous sidekick. Is that what you were hoping for?”
(he is like the only guy among a bunch of very attractive girls at work, but honestly, it didn’t even occur to me)

He laughs, “Yep-that’s about what I was hoping for!”

He doesn’t like to say no to people.
So, I ask you, do we say I wasn’t down with it, possibly making me look like an uncharitable insecure type? We are a team, and I want him to have what he wants, and he’d probably do it for me, blah blah blah.
Or do I tell him to get his ass in gear and pack his toothbrush?

If he wants an excuse then fine, really I don’t think it’s all that unusual for couples to dislike sleeping apart. People bring their spouses along on business trips even. I can’t sleep if hubby’s just downstairs watching TV. (Just can’t sleep without my cold feet stabbing him in the back. :slight_smile: )

If you ever have to interact socially with his co-workers at all, then tell him to suck it up and go.

If you don’t…well, I’d still say tell him to suck it up and go, but maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you took the heat.

Just to clarify, I do have to socialize with these people. Not often, but there are the happy hours and the holiday parties and the like.
What’s it gonna be?

Oh, boy, am I the first heartless one here thus far? :wink:

I know it’s not your job to teach him a lesson, here, but neither is it your job to get him “excused from gym class”. Y’ain’t his mama, either way.

And in light of the fact that taking the blame may cast you in a negative light, I say don’t do it. He’s a grown man (I’m assuming???) so he needs to either SAY NO (it’s been done before, you know) or suck it up and pack his sleeping bag.

That said, can’t the two of you work together to come up with a compromise, i.e., you go with him (which will undoubtedly make it more fun), or come up with a different excuse that doesn’t scapegoat you (i.e., he had to visit a sick aunt)?

what auntie em said.

Uh-yeah-well-the thing is, I already thought about going with him, but I don’t really wanna go.
There’s mosquitos the size of kittens out there at the riverside baseball park!
I know, it just gets lamer and lamer…
but I didn’t sign up for it, see?

And I’d just like to add that the Relay for Life is a wonderful event for the whole family.

We’ve got ours coming up in about 6 weeks. Our company is really involved, and people bring their kids, friends, whatever. If he feels like he needs to go to support the company, you certainly would be welcome to show up, too.

Bah. Your response wasn’t there when I typed mine.

Okay, so if you don’t want to go, don’t go.

And leave it up to him how he gets out of it. (if he uses you as an excuse or not, well that’s up to him.

Just MHO.

That’d do it for me. No way am I gonna look like an ass to people I have to talk to later, just so my SO doesn’t have to admit he doesn’t want to do something. Nuh-uh.

He made the committment, he should go.
Using anyone else to create a false reason for backing out is not acceptable.
Tell him to hump his little ass out there and do what it is he said he would do.

Well, he made the commitment to go for a few hours, but not overnight. That’s what he really doesn’t want to do.
Anyway, I told him to keep his commitment to go as planned, play it by ear regarding spending the night, but to keep me out of it.
He agreed-doesn’t want me to look bad anyway, so that’s no longer an option.
I will go with him if they have a need for extra volunteers.
Otherwise, I’m doing my thing…
Thanks for the input all!