I’m an interrupter. Not a motor mouth but I do talk more than I’d like. I’m working on it. I’d like people to think, “There goes Jabiru. Still waters …”
You sound judgemental. Everyone has their faults. It sounds to me as if the fellow was a bit insecure and needed someone to listen. Perhaps he was too eager to fit in and that was the reason for his behaviour. You could have been a bit kinder and patient with him.
As far not going out with your friends if you know he is going to be there, that’s just plain immature. If you want to go, go. You seem angry and you are displacing that anger on another person.
You cannot control any social situation – just go with the flow and grow up.
Kinder? Patient? This went on for OVER TWO HOURS. Over two hours of virtually non-stop prattling on his part, stomping over anything anyone else had to say. That goes way beyond merely wanting someont to listen.
If you need someone to listen to you, then engage people in conversation. Don’t dominate the conversation yourself.
So no, I don’t buy the theory that he was merely searching for people who’ll listen. People who merely need a listening ear don’t go around ignoring other people’s words and making themselves the center of attention.
Sigh If given a choice, would you go around with someone who’s going to be deliberately and willfully rude to people? Why choose to hang out with that person, if you don’t have to? Healthy individuals do not let themselves be treated like doormats.
I’m willing to see if he changes, though I’ll be wary. If he genuinely tries to reel this behavior in, then I’m willing to give him a chance. If not though, then why torture yourself?
And if you’re insisting that I should NOT avoid being around such people, then I submit that it’s your judgment which is immature.
THAT REMINDS ME OF THE TIME THAT SOMEONE INTERUPTED ME! BOY WAS THAT I DRAG! I ONLY BRING THIS UP BECAUSE I AM BIG AND BALD, AND EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE TO SAY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY. 
Here’s a tangentially related update. I shared this story on another board, and one person said, “Someone was cutting you off? That’s not worth getting upset about!” And yet here, I see that several SDMBers expressed extreme annoyance at people who habitually do such a thing. Personally, I can’t fathom not getting rather upset at this behavior…
So my question is, “How do you think people normally react toward someone who talks over other people?” Is it something that they take in stride? Do they feel mildly annoyed, or extremely annoyed? Do they pretty much shut up and say nothing, but inwardly fume at this attention-monger?
I’ll let it happen twice and then say something like “Please let me finish my thought. That’s the third time you have interrupted me.”
It depends. If I’m trying to say something important, it will bug me more than if all I want to say is, “My cat’s breath smells like cat food.”
Also, if the offender is talking to me (or including me in the conversation by looking at me), then I will give them more slack than if their attention seems to be focused on someone else while I’m standing there with my mouth hanging open.
Lastly, it depends on who this person is and what they are trying to say. If it’s my boss, generally everything he says is more important than what I’m saying–even if he’s just chit-chatting (as my boss is wont to do). So I just sit there and nod. However, I have re-cut in on my boss when what I wanted to say is critical. I had to do it earlier this week because I had specific reasons for talking to him, and I was worried that if he didn’t let me talk I’d forget them.
If it’s just another Joe Schmo and he’s cutting in for no good reason, then yeah it’s annoying. I know someone who cuts in just to redirect the topic of conversation back to her. As in, I’m talking about a trip to Washington where I fell sick and she interrupts me during the climax of the tale (me puking over everything) just to say, “Oh yeah? I went to Washington too! Did you go to some-obscure-place-where-only-cool-people-go? That’s where I visited when I went there. You didn’t go? Well, you should. It’s beautiful.” So not only is someone like this interrupting, they are depriving me of the joy of storytelling by showing their lack of interest for the story in its entirety.
I have never felt strongly enough about being interrupted for me to confront someone about it, except for maybe during arguments.
Get one of those ‘joy buzzers’. Each time he interrupts you, zap him. Eventually he’ll change his behavior.
I could be big, fat and bald, but I choose not to. 
Excellent summary, monstro. I think that’s a very fair evaluation.
You mentioned that this offense is lessened if someone at least takes time to look your way and/or talk to you. Looking back, I think that’s one reason why I was royally ticked off that night. It wasn’t just that he was steamrolling over the things I said; rather, he was also directing virtually all his attention to the comely lass in our presence. He was also talking loudly and with nary a pause, thus offering few opportunities to interject at all.
And, since he wasn’t discussing anything of real sensitivity or importance–indeed, they were mostly just jokes and stuff–that made it quadruply annoying.
Contrapuntal, I like your approach. I’ve used that before, on occasion (particularly with my ex-roommate, who was a notoriously poor listener). On that particular night though, I didn’t feel comfortable saying such things. Perhaps it’s because our female companion Sarah was clearly enjoying this guy’s conversation. (And why not? She was kinda attention-hungry herself, and he was focusing his attention on her!) Or perhaps its because he was talking pretty much non-stop, offering few opportunities for even a gentle rebuke. And I certainly didn’t feel like making a scene in front of people that I didn’t know very well. I know I could have been more direct toward him that night, but I didn’t want to cause him embarrassment – and I didn’t want to sound stern in front of a woman that I was planning to ask out.
I’m a quiet person in real life, and as such, I don’t talk a lot in groups. If I have something to say, and someone cuts me off, I’m not likely to say much more in that group. If it happens repeatedly, I might call someone on it by saying something like, “I wasn’t finished yet,” or just leave.
jabiru, that’s a risk you’re taking - if you cut quiet people off, they may not talk to you again. I’m more sociable than my husband - he doesn’t talk at all in groups over two. You would miss the opportunity of getting to know two really cool people if you discouraged us from talking by cutting us off, when we’re not all that chatty to start with.
Oh, I was tempted to leave, featherlou. The only thing that kept me there was my desire to ask this woman out.
Of course, I could have saved myself a lot of time and aggravation if I had immediately recognized that she wasn’t the nice person I thought she was. Unfortunately, I had a bit of tunnel vision that night, and some things are only clear in retrospect.
“I’m just that way” to me is the same things as when people say “I’m just being honest”. No, your not honest, your an asshole. There are ways to be honest that dont include insults or making people feel small.
Some people just like the sound of their own voice.
I dated and was married to someone for about 6 years who sounds very similar to your big bald rude guy, except she wasn’t big, wasn’t bald, and wasn’t a guy. She was actually a hot redhead, which I think is how she got away with being so rude; guys tend to put up with a lot if they think they might get laid. (Unsurprisingly, most of her friends were male)
The problems eventually ended our marriage. Yes, I know, I should have figured it out earlier, but early discussions of the subject sounded like there was potential for improvement. I eventually realized a) she was not going to change, and b) I was starting to talk over people and interrupt them, since I was adapting to my wife’s behavior.
Having six years experience, I’ve drawn up a short translation guide for those less versed in this form of communication.
Motormouth: “It’s just the way I am.”
Translation: Deal with it.
Motormouth: “I’m sorry, but it’s how I’m am.”
Translation: I’m not sorry. Deal with it. (In general, “I’m sorry, but” means “I’m not sorry”)
Motormouth: “It’s the way I was raised, my whole family interrupts all the time.”
Translation: I’m not responsible for my rudeness.
Motormouth: “You should accept me for who I am.”
Translation: Stop asking me not to be rude.
Motormouth: “I can’t change.”
Translation: I’m not willing to try.
Motormouth: “But if I don’t jump in, I won’t get to have my say.”
Translation: I’m so self-centered that I think having my say is more important that being polite.
Motormouth: “I know I talk over people, I know it’s rude, I really want to change.”
Translation: Occasionally people take me to task for being rude. I sincerely wish that didn’t happen.
Motormouth: “…but I’m already trying as hard as I can.”
Translation: Though I may wish to change, it might involve actually making an effort. That’s too much to ask.
Me: “I notice that you don’t talk over these two particular friends of yours.”
Motormouth: “They have a way of listening that makes me feel heard. Maybe you could do that.”
Translation: If I’m rude to you it’s your own fault.
Motormouth: “I want to change, but I need you to help me.”
Translation: It’s your job to fix my problems.
Motormouth: “You’re always shushing me.”
Translation: When I said you needed to help me, what I really wanted was for you to stop bothering me about being rude.
Motormouth: “If I interrupt you during something important, stop me and say ‘I really need to get this out.’”
Translation: Don’t expect to get to talk unless what you’re saying is urgent. And did I mention that it’s your job to fix my problems?
Motormouth: “All my friends talk like this. It’s not wrong, it’s just different.”
Translation: I’m oblivious to how my friends talk, and when I earlier admitted my behavior was rude, I didn’t mean it.
Me: “I was in Washington last month and…”
Motormouth: “I’ve been to Washington too! Blah blah blah blah…”
Translation: You are less important than me.
Friend: “So, Sengkelat, what did you think of your trip to Washington?”
Motormouth: “He loved it, especially the part blah blah blah blah…”
Translation: Sengkelat is not a person.
So there you go. I hope this reference will be of use to all who encounter these unpleasant people. There are two things I’d like to note, relevant to previous questions: I believe these people can in fact be so oblivious that they don’t notice they’re talking over other people. It’s just a habit with them, and they pay no more notice to it than to breathing. And the woman (Sarah?) isn’t necessarily to blame. Sure, she could have helped the situation, but sometimes it’s fairly awkward to do so. Cut her a little slack, but be wary of further evidence of that side of her.
Wow. Very impressive, Sengkalat… and I’m sorry that you were forced to endure that for years.
Regarding Sarah… I don’t think she declined to help merely because it would have been awkward. Rather, I think she was genuinely oblivious to what was going on. She was laughing all night long, without a trace of awkwardness on her face.
What’s more, just as the bald fella was focusing 95% of his attention on her, she likewise focused on him, and paid little attention to the rest of the group. So she certainly earned some social demerits for that faux pas.
As featherlou and I said, if you’re in a small group setting, it’s important to let everyone feel free to participate in the discussions. That’s just common courtesy. To form a tiny two-person clique and (mostly) ignore everyone else… well, that’s just rude.
I know. I’m really working on it. I wonder when I’ll know if I’ve made any progress? People do talk to me and I’m not as rude as the motormouth of the OP but interrupting others is a trait of mine which I really dislike.
If you’re listening to someone else talk, you’ll know that you’re not interrupting if you don’t start talking until they’re done what they were saying. If you’re not listening to what the other person is saying, but thinking about what you want to say instead, then I think we may have pinpointed your problem. 
JT, it sounds like Sarah is into big, bald rude guy. Two people feeling the first throes of infatuation can be pretty oblivious, unfortunately for those around them.
I’ve wondered about that myself, featherlou. I’m not so certain, but it’s certainly a possibility.
I hate to say this, but if this big, rotund, follically deprived fellow were better looking, I would think that she was romantically interested in him. However, he’s honestly not much to look at, and he’s about 20 years older than she is. What’s more, I know that she has no idea how to get in touch with this guy, which also leads me to think that it’s not a romantic infatuation.
Also, I saw her behave similarly toward another person in our group earlier – Big Baldy’s buddy. Before the motormouth came along, she was focusing on him, and pretty much shut out the rest of us. She seems like the kind of person who’s oblivious to everyone except for herself and whichever person she happens to be conversing with.
In fact, would you like to know why I decided to ask her out? It’s because a mutual friend said, “JThunder, I think Sarah’s really into you! Did you notice that she was directing all her questions to you when we had coffee last week? There were other guys around, but she didn’t act interested in them at all!” Now it looks like this was actually a sign of poor social graces on her part, rather than romantic interest.
(As an aside, her social clumsiness was less obvious at the time. I think that’s because I deliberately involved the rest of our group in the conversations, keeping eye contact with them and directing pertinent questions their way. It seems like her antisocial behavior becomes more obvious when she’s around individuals who are similarly indifferent to what other people have to say.)
Indeed, I think we have. As I said, I’m working on it. :o
Good for you. The fact that you’re doing this says a lot.