So, I was in a coffeehouse with a couple of friends tonight when along comes this big, bald guy – a friend of our companion Sarah, as it turned out. He sits down with our group and starts engaging Sarah in conversation…
Nothing wrong with that, except that whenever I had something to say, he would steamroll right over my words. Before I could even finish a sentence, he would start yapping again, rather loudly. On, and on, and on it went, over and over again. One of our companions even likened him to the Energizer Bunny. What a motormouth.
Hey, guess what, fella? You’re not the only one whose conversations matter! Do you really think that your stupid little jokes and insights are so urgent, so important, that you had better toss them out there before the next guy can finish his sentence? Funny. I didn’t think that talking about your stupid motorcycle was a matter of such tremendous, earth-shaking urgency.
Sure, you made people laugh. Sure, you had some lively jokes to tell. That doesn’t mean that you can trample all over what other people had to say. Shut the heck up, jackass!
The next time that Sarah and her brother propose going to a coffeehouse, I will pointedly ask if you will be there. Because if you are, then I will choose not to attend, and I will gladly tell them why.
Well, you know what they say. Big bald guys are the only group it’s okay to ridicule.
As for the OP, I’m sympathetic. Lately, no one has let me get a word in edge-wise. There aren’t that many things more annoying than having someone cut you off mid-sentence. Particularly when you feel you have something important to say.
Well, I did something that would ordinarily be out of character. I called this fellow up at his workplace and told him off… royally.
“Do you honestly think you’re the only person with anything worthwhile to say?” I said. “That’s what comes across when you cut people off in mid-sentence, and talk right over them. It’s as though you’re saying 'Well, my thoughts are a lot more urgent and a lot more important than what these people have to say! I simply must get them out before these people can finish their sentences!”
He explained himself by saying “Well, that’s just the way I am.” I can sympathize somewhat, but really… that’s no excuse.
He also explained, “I didn’t mean to do that.” On the one hand, I’m sure that he was absolutely sincere in saying that. On the other hand, I find it hard to believe that he spoke this way for over two hours, and didn’t notice that other people were also trying to interject.
At this point, I’m willing to let bygones be bygones, but still… This was just utterly outrageous.
There was a guy that would come into my cafe and attempt to hit on me. I mentioned in the course of one conversation that I have a lot of comics at home and he looked at me funny and said “From when you were a kid?” I replied that no, I had only gotten into comics recently and some of them had more mature themes than most movies, TV shows, novels, etc. He gave me a look of ‘yeah right.’ I didn’t bother explaining that one of my favorite comics is the dark, twisted story of a young, boy prostitute and a serial killer. He also thought that ‘Lord of the Rings’ was for children. I stopped talking to that smarmy bitch sometime after the comic book incident.
That was my intent, to be honest. I was only trying to be descriptive. Still, from past experience, I should have realized that some people would perceive this as an affront.
In other words, I agree with you, but I also see how others would be rubbed the wrong way.
You should master the technique of after being interrupted continuing to talk with no acknowledgement that the other person is saying something. Make it so that there’s not even a pause or break in your speech as you adjust to the fact that they are now making noise. Just keep going as if they were in a bubble of invisibility and inaudibility.
Just so I don’t come off as a (complete) dickweed, my comment was sort of tongue in cheek. I figured I’d be pre-emptive in case anyone else was gonna start a pile-on.
FTR, I’m surely bigger than that big guy (you’ll have to trust me on this one), but I’m far from bald, so I didn’t even come close to taking it personally.
I should have mentioned (had I not been so snarky to begin with) that I actually agree with you – conversation involves more than one person; if that’s “just the way he is”, then by now he should be used to people telling him to STFU
JThunder, you sound like a pretty reasonable guy. Sorry you had such a sucky evening. Hopefully Big Baldy[sup]TM[/sup] will learn something from you
It would be lovely to think so, but IMO anyone who responds to criticism with “Well, that’s just the way I am” has zero interest in reforming what they’re being criticized for.
He didn’t explain himself; he tried to excuse himself. There really isn’t an excuse for being that oblivious to conversational give-and-take. Unless maybe he’s autistic, but it doesn’t seem likely. Perhaps you could call him again and suggest to him that if he would like to be less offensive conversationally, he could try really listening to other people talking, instead of thinking about what he wants to say next.
By the way, good for you for calling him on it. I’m guessing he’s lost a lot of friends who never told him why they stopped calling.
To which I would have said “You know, you are right, that is the way you are. It’s called rude.” “That’s just the way I am” is, in my opinion, too often allowed as a catch-all excuse for no manners.
You are more generous than I am. If he knows he is that way, and he willingly involves himself in a group conversation, then he must know he is going to do it.
