That’s something that I learned from a Gore Vidal essay on his debates in the early days of television. Hard as it may be to believe, being an umpteenth generation southerner the notion that it is rude to interrupt even extended to those who interrupted me, but the first time I used this it was in a college class, I just kept speaking only just a tad louder, and while the other “One Who Won’t Shut Up” kept speaking as well at least I was able to make people not hear him (and since I had “the talking stick” I was the one asked to repeat what I said). Works beautifully.
I think you’re awesome for calling him up at work.
However, I wouldn’t follow Contrapuntal’s advice by calling him up again. The guy at least sounded sorry, right? It’s not like he killed somebody. He was rude, but perhaps it really was unintentional. I wasn’t there, but I know when people interupt me, they aren’t doing it to be mean. And I’m sure when I cut people off (which I try not to do, but I know I’ve done it before) I don’t mean to hurt feelings either.
Like I said, I think you did a good thing by telling him about himself. If he’s a good guy, he’ll take your advice to heart and change. Maybe his “That’s just how I am…” remark was the result of shock from being called to the carpet by someone he barely knew. If someone were to unexpectedly hold a mirror up to your face, you might not be that graceful either.
It sounds like he’s a jerk, though.
Actually, I did say some things to that effect last night. At one point in our lopsided conversations, for example, I threw my hands up and said, “Hey, I’m the one who’s being talked over!”
This guy flatly said, “Well, it not intentional” and left it at that. I guess it was his way of apologizing, but there wasn’t any real remorse to his tone. It was kinda like saying “Oopsie!” and nothing more.
I also cornered him after the coffeeshop closed and said, “You know, you were talking over me quite a bit there. It happened a lot. For a while, I kept pretty quiet, since I saw that whenever I said something, you would cut me off and just keep on talking.” Again, he responded with a “No offense intended” remark, with no real sense of grief.
And that’s why I called him at work today. I told him that I don’t think I properly conveyed how rude and offensive his behavior was. I said that I never told him how small he made me feel, or how he apparently felt that his words were many times more important than anything I had to say.
And believe me, telling him off felt pretty darned good.
Interesting that you should say that. This fellow responded by saying that nobody’s ever criticized him for this before. At first, I thought that maybe this was just a bad night for him, but perhaps the ones who are offended by his behavior just aren’t saying anything.
And to be fair, he does come across as a fun guy. Perhaps he only acted like a glory-hogging clown tonight because we had a pretty girl in our midst. After all, he did focus his attention directly on her, such that they paid little attention to the rest of our group.
Actually, I did say “Well, that’s no excuse.” He responded with the following strange remark: “Well, I think it’s no excuse that you’re playing the victim here.” (What do you make of that?)
To be fair, he did couple his “That’s the way I am” remark with an apology. I have mixed feelings about that. I want to give him props for apologizing; however, his “That’s the way I am” remark suggests that he was less than fully penitent.
Or maybe monstro is right, and he was simply shocked at being scolded for a blind spot in his behavior. There’s no good excuse for such obnoxious behavior, but I do believe in cutting people some slack.
To make matters worse, I myself was somewhat interested in the woman whose attention he was hogging. For this reason, perhaps I was more agitated than I would have otherwise been. Still, after seeing the way she was oblivious to what was happening, I’ve lost a lot of interest in her as well. I don’t want to date a woman who doesn’t know how to politely involve the entire group in conversation. You just don’t act that way – not if you’re a civilized adult.
Did I mention that he was fat as well? In fact, he’s morbidly obese.
And as far as I’m concerned, a jerk.
Uhm, that he’s clueless? I thought so.
“I’m sorry, I can’t help that I’m an obnoxious asshole. It’s just the way I am.”
JThunder, all in all I think you were way too nice, but then again, I probably wouldn’t have even had the balls to say anything in the first place. 
Now, c’mon, I’m morbidly obese, and, notwithstanding any of my posts today, I’m really not a jerk. I even have references, though sadly, nobody here :x
OTOH, he does sound like a jerk. He’s giving the rest of us fat guys a bad name
I tend to calmly deal with it as it’s happening. The first time is, “Perhaps you didn’t realize that you interrupted me.” Second time is, “Please stop interrupting me.” The third time can be very rude indeed.
It sounds like he doesn’t get why you’re so hot and bothered.
But…
You scolded him while it was happening. You scolded him right afterwards. And then you called him up at work and scolded him AGAIN. Now, I’m not coming to his defense or anything, but he’s probably thinking, “This guy is a giant crybaby!”
I have to be honest: If I received three lectures in a row from a guy I barely knew, over something that–while rude–is minor in the grand scheme of things, I would probably feel kinda-sorta the same way. I would at least wonder what this guy wants me to do. I apologized, but he still wasn’t satisfied. WHAT DOES HE WANT ME TO DO??! Buy him a sheet cake with “I’M SORRY” written on it in pretty icing?
I’m all for being pissed off and taking the arrogant pricks down a peg or two, but sometimes you just gotta let shit die.
[QUOTE]
???
I’m sorry, Contrapunctual. I meant featherlou, not you.
And I apologize for misspelling your name! :smack:
That’s an especially egregious misspelling because I hate it when people are late.
All is forgiven, however.
The “that’s just the way I am” is the most annoying phrase I’ve ever come across. For example, my friend’s girlfriend is a royal bitch. She’s immature, loud and extremely opinionated…and she hits my friend :mad::mad:. “I’m a bitch, that’s just the way I am”. No, you’re acting like a bitch because you think it’s cute. I’ve seen you drunk, and you’re a much nicer person. It’s not because you’re italian (her excuse, not mine) and it’s not because you’re the youngest. I was the youngest before you came along and I’m not a bitch. Amazing, that.
My grandmother was exactly like this guy. She used interruption and talking over me to show me how unimportant and annoying I was (any girl, for that matter, she never once interrupted my brother) for breathing.
Talking to them about it doesn’t do any good, especially if they know what they’re doing, because they’ll just get defensive and possibly do it more if they know it bothers you.
Did you talk to Sarah about this?
Wow, that was more of a rant than I had planned. Sorry for the hijack.
I disagree. Not once did he say, “Dude, we already discussed this!” In fact, when I had my lengthy telephone confrontation with the guy, he consistently acted as though this was a huge surprise to him.
Moreover, your summary is not an accurate reflection of what happened.
While this behavior was happening, I only commented once, and did so in a light-heartened manner so as not to embarass the guy (“Hey, I’m the one who’s being talked over!”). His actions persisted though, and so I briefly spoke to him before going home. I didn’t have time to discuss the matter fully though, and I didn’t want to cause a scene in front of his friends.
I sensed that he had not properly understood my outrage, since his reply amounted to a simple “Oops. Sorry.” For this reason, I chose to confront him more fully via telephone, so as to more properly illustrate how he had been cutting me off consistently throughout the night. I also wanted to point out the message that his actions were conveying – namely, that his words were the only ones that mattered, and that his thoughts were much more urgent than anything anyone else (save for our comely female companion) had to say.
So no, this is not as simple as saying that I scolded him three times over the same matter. Rather, I voiced a light-hearted objection the first time, and a brief complaint the second. I saved the meat of my compliant for a time at which we could speak privately, and when I could devote a great deal more time to our discussion.
And even now, I can’t help but feel that whatever change takes place will be short-lived. That’s how things often happen, unfortunately.
I understand. Sorry for misunderstanding.
But I’m curious. Are you going to be bumping into this guy on a regular basis? If so, then I can understand the investment you have put into “fixing” him. But if you think this encounter with him is going to an isolated event, I wouldn’t worry so much.
I don’t know if I would have been brave enough to confront someone who is such an obvious asshat (first time I ever used that word). So kudos again. I wish you success in dealing with him in the future.
Defensive remark. Doesn’t take criticism well.
Easy to say sorry - the proof is in his actions, if you see him again.
I agree with this. I wouldn’t be impressed with a guy who didn’t call someone on this, either. When I’m with a group, I always try to involve everyone - it is the polite thing to do.
Sadly, there’s a good chance that I will encounter him again, especially if Sarah and her brother decide to bring him places. <<Sigh>> Even if that weren’t the case though, I think I would have still wanted to tell him off.
On a plus side, this experience has pretty muc cured me of any infatuation I had for Sarah. True, her friend was the main offender, but she should have noticed that other people (especially me) were trying to participate in the discussion as well. A courteous person attempts to engage the entire group in conversation, and her penchant for ignoring most of the group is a bit troublesome.
In retrospect, I also realized that she very much likes to be the center of attention. Both of them were mugging it up all night long, as though to say, “Hey! Pay attention to me!” I don’t think I want to be involved with a woman like that.
Not in so many words. I did say, “I didn’t get to interact with you much tonight,” and hoped she’d catch on. I didn’t even receive a hint of an apology from her.
I do hope to bring this up with her at some point, if I can. It’s more difficult in her case though, since her actions were less severe than those of her motormouth friend. Still, if the time is ever right, I would like to point out that the way she acted kinda left me feeling ignored all night long.