That use of the word ‘breeder’ will get you first a warning, then a swift ejection from my house if used a second time. It is a term I find immensely hurtful.
Why wouldn’t you, if the person looked like they were struggling with it?
You know? That use of the word used to bother me a bit. Until I got to know some gay men. I’ve met only one who used it in a truly hateful way.
But the people, that I see using it who are truly hateful tend to be other women. (I can sorta understand a group of SAHM jokingly referring to themselves as breeders). I don’t really agree with it, since it seems to make it “okay” for others to then use it in a nasty "I’m better than you are because I’M a career woman (TADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA).
Ummmmm, Big whoop sweetheart. I got news for you. Ain’t nothin’ “special” or earthshatteringly noble about that either. So are millions of other women.
Oh yeah, and LOTS of us work in male dominated fields, and have since the 50s, 60s and 70s back when dinos ruled the earth, and it wasn’t so pleasant and equal as it is nowadays.
I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s some sort of “working woman’s guilt” (similar to white man’s guilt) that’s in play here. It’s a typical psychological reaction of those who are severely lacking in a healthy self esteem and that when one feels threatened by someone else, the reaction is to put that other person down.
In many cases, it smacks of denial to me.
Exactly what would these folks like to have happen? Zero population growth and while we’re at it let’s kill off the annoying little creatures under the age of 18?
I read the slang dictionary’s definitions of “breeder”, and one of them referred to those couples who seemed to have bought into the “Cult of the Child” (you know, little Angel can do no wrong, even if he/she is climbing the curtains at a 4 star restaurant and sampling off of other patron’s plates?, or worse, screaming at 80 decibals in Walmart for a toy?).
So I can get behind why some people don’t like kids. Personally, I don’t like IRRESPONSIBLE parents, and then by association their horrible little creations (by which I mean what they’ve allowed the child to become). And yes, if you expect to just let your kids run wild, screaming like wild banshees and getting into whatever they want, and then whine “but they’re KIDS, kids DO that”, you’re NOT parenting. You’re being a lazy SOB.
By the way, I raised two “kids”. One 26 years old, she and her hubby, who is serving our country in Afghanistan, are about to make me a grandma), and one about three years from graduating HS.
Never said I wouldn’t. My contention throughout this whole thing isn’t that we shouldn’t be nice and give up a seat, just that pregnancy should not automatically equal special treatment. I’m not going to automatically assume a fat person, or someone with a bag or luggage needs a hand either, unless they look like they’re struggling or ask for assitance. Then I’ll be happy to offer.
But again, the thrust of the thread in question was about whether a pregnant woman should be entitled to a seat based solely on the fact she is pregnant. I say no. Others say yes. The qualifiers people keep adding really make it a completely different issue. The argument has never been about whether or not we should be nice to people who look like they need it, it’s just a matter of difference in who we think needs it. I err on the side of assuming people can manage for themselves, as I would like others to do for me.
I don’t think the OP was asking for special recognition at all.
This is such a simplistic attitude. Any two people can indeed create a child through mere biology. So?
Being a parent, and effective and DECENT parent, of a human being is where the respect should come in. It is a difficult job. No one is saying that it’s somehow above other livelihoods.
No one in this thread is asking to have sainthood bestowed upon them, they’re asking not to be labeled with a hateful term, and that is what the problem was with the other two threads. The term breeder was meant in a hateful, derogatory way toward people who had kids.
… Yeah, pretty much. Maybe not the businessmen with briefcase so much, unless he looks like he’s having a really hard time carrying it, but if it looks like it’s harder for them to stand than it is for me, then I’ll let them have my seat. What am I supposed to do? Assume that the fat person is lazy and eats twinkies all day, the kid with the backpack is on his way home after a hard day of shoving nerds in lockers and talking back to adults, and that the businessman regularly screws his secretary and kicks the homeless?
I just don’t see how “I got here first” is any better of a justification than “I got knocked up” or “I had a stupid accident while I was skiing in Aspen.” None of these things tells you anything about this person’s moral character, charitable deeds, and all-around swellness. So why assume that you’re more deserving of a seat than other people?
Actually, no one used the term breeder in the other thread, and no one said anything about parenthood. The only issue addressed in the thread was whether a pregnant woman should be entitled to a seat on a train or bus. That’s it. You want to read more into it, go ahead.
This is great solution.
Since people don’t want children in war zones, lets move the all kids out of there and then move all the adults that don’t want to be around children, in.
Problem solved, no kids in war zones and an adult only community.
Everyone’s a winner!!
Beirut, Baghdad, put out the welcome mats, you have new neighbors!
How is needing to sit down sometimes, or having physical needs of any type for that matter asking to have your “every wish” catered to?
Tell me, if a some person who just got back from a fantastic and expensive ski trip, (but broke her leg on the slopes), was on a bus and needed to sit down, would you refuse on the basis that she CHOSE the circumstances under which she currently finds herself?
Do you then think SHE’D be somehow magically requiring everyone to treat her as Goddess and confer sainthood, because “well, she has a broken BONE”? I mean after all, hundreds of thousands of people break legs every year, it’s not special or anything, and she CHOSE her circumstances.
That “well, you want to sit because you think you’re ENTITLED”.
It’s not like a pregnant woman gets through with her day, gets ready to climb on the bus and decides “You know? I think I’ll just let my ankles swell on up to the size of piano legs…and while we’re at it, let’s drop the energy level to negative 18, so that I’m about to keel over”…JUST so that I can get that special entitlement. You know that ULTRA special sainthood reserved ONLY for the elderly and the pregnant.
That grand prize reserved only for the VERY most deserving and special people.
Sitting down. :rolleyes:
It’s kind of a shame, but the contempt isn’t really about actual breeding, it’s based on a false assumption of superiority because of a current set of facts.
If the people who use that particular expression of contempt actually were consistent in their judgement, the problem would be self correcting.
Tris
You know, almost anywhere BUT this message board I might have automatically assumed you were kidding. On here? Not so much. Glad you were.
Whoops, hit enter too soon.
The “punishing her” part is calling her a breeder and subjecting her to the other hatred and derogatory comments that one often sees and hears, not the fact that she sometimes doesn’t get to sit down. Why is THAT so hard to understand?
You know what? I can totally get behind that. Because when I stand up and give up my seat, I’m making an assumption too. It just seems like there’s a certain amount of “My assumptions are better than yours” going on in this thread, and that isn’t true.
To go all the way back to the post that started this whole thing, where did the OP say that she was having the easiest pregnancy in the world and could stand on her feet all day without a hitch? Then people start claiming that pregnant women feel entitled to this and that and they don’t deserve any of it. How do you know? You don’t. I don’t know either, but I’m going to treat her as though she is. I’m assuming that if I was pregnant, I would want to sit down. You’re assuming that you would not. We’re both equally likely to be wrong. So why do you keep talking about “preferential treatment” and “entitlement” when you don’t know what’s actually going on in that woman’s head?
You’re a bad, bad man.
She didn’t say it was easy, but neither did she say it was all that difficult either. She just said she was big, tired, and unwieldy. And she did specifically ask if she was entitled. That’s where the issue of entitlement came from, the OP herself.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that if she really were having that difficult a time, she wouldn’t have felt the need to even ask people about it. She would just have gone ahead and felt entitled, the rest of our opinions be damned.
Note also that “it’s likely that a pregnant woman would like to sit down” has somehow morphed into “a pregnant woman expects people to CATER TO HER EVERY WHIM.” From what very little I’ve learned about the planet during my relatively short time on it, I’m pretty sure that “a seat on the bus” != “footrubs & bon-bons.”
I think it’s safe to say though, that it’s likely that just about anyone getting on the bus would like to sit down. Are we going to make up this huge matrix of who is more deserving and post it in every bus and train car and make everyone abide? I think the first come, first served approach is really the best, failing any obvious signs of distress. I just don’t think that pregnancy by itself = distress.
I said “…other two threads”. And a statement was made in the train thread about “if you want to breed, go ahead” (paraphrased) and is quoted above by another poster.
As to the comment about parenthood, it wasn’t a comment about the other thread, it was a reply to your post about “any two yahoos can make a baby, why should we respect that?” (paraphrased).
My comment about parents was that no, of course it’s not the “magical” ability to get knocked up that should be respected. It’s the fact that some are willing to take on the task of PARENTING as opposed to merely knock out babies ala Jerry Springer guests, that is worthy of respect. The same as anyone else taking on any other difficult career choice.
And I’m going to assume that, no matter how tired she is, she was going to err on the side of politeness until she knew whether she qualified as “handicapped.” And that if she really had some sort of overblown sense of entitlement, she would have just sat down instead of asking for advice on the subject.
You’ve got your reasons for the assumptions you make, just as I have mine. And it’s probably just as frustrating for you to hear “Oh woe, the poor pregnant women!” as it is for me to hear “Screw her - it’s her damn fault she got knocked up!” We’ve still both got to remember that we’re only making assumptions. We don’t know what’s actually going on. And it’s probably a good idea to acknowledge that every once in a while. Can you see where I’m coming from on this?