Run, don’t walk, in the opposite direction of this man. No good can come of this for you.
I’ll confess that I’ve been THIS guy before. You start thinking about how your life was so much better before X happened then you think of this girl… and you go look her up and start running your game instantaneously. First off if he really gave a damn like DTC said he should have at least came out to see you. Secondly you are going on a trip…on his terms… Seriously… some people are like crack rock to others… There’s really no way this is gonna go but exactly how its headed…
And to Astro… he looked her up for precisely the reason he did… ego boost… He remembers that he was the force and how that made him feel. Rarely do men look up women and kick game to the ones who either denied them… or left them.
i think you’re hoping that this road trip will be the start of something real. you’ll both truly fall in love and live happily ever after. trust me, i know. when i split from my ex (my one that got away) we indulged in ideas of road trips and vacations and yadda, and i can’t say what was on his mind, but i was convinced we’d do it and fall in love all over again and that’d be it.
those things never happened. it was all a fantasy. my situation was different from yours, i realize, but i see some of the same feelings and motivations behind it. you know something is off here, or you wouldn’t have started this thread. listen to your gut.
No, it’s not that I don’t want to listen to good advice. I’m listening. I’m thinking about it. What everyone is saying makes sense and I can easily see both sides of it. At this point, I think that I either need to talk to him about his intentions, or just get off the merry-go-round altogether. I don’t like drama at all, and except for a little bump here and there, I do try to arrange my life so that there is none.
I do realize that he is like crack to me, and that’s not necessarily a good thing.
In the unlikely event I’m ever asked to give a Drugs Are Bad speech to teens, that’s how I’m going to title it: “Crack: Not necessarily a good thing.”
Deep voice, eh? I’m guessing tall and dark… assertive, commanding… has some kind of noisy respirator breathing in and out all the time…
I am your destiny, Alice…Search your feelings, You know it to be true.
Nah, he’s actually pretty short- barely taller than me, and I’m 5’4. Maybe some noisy breathing, as he still smokes, which is a pretty big turnoff to me. So, hey, I found something about him that I don’t like!
You’re both real live, complex human beings. A lot of the commentary here, and some of your own to be frank, seems to have turned him into a cross between a “drug” and a cartoon. He’s a person just like you. He could much more easily boff local women with less hassle and complication if that was his primary intent.
There’s no guarantee that he will go, or stay, or do any particular thing when you meet. Once you meet again he may be no more interested in committing to you than he was 16 years ago, or possibly he has a while different take on it now. You might want to just focus on getting a sense of who he is today before the forced intimacy of a road trip.
One thing is certain, however, going into this interaction with a wounded bird “don’t hurt me” vibe is not what a full grown woman should be doing. It’s repellent. Make an adult decision to engage or not, but don’t limp into this relationship.
I totally agree with you there Regardless of how I feel, I try to never go through life like that. I am a very strong person and I do project that IRL. I feel like I can show my vulnerability and fears in this forum but that’s not how I operate out in the world, or with real people that I don’t know that well.
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If he were all that into you, he would be making plans to get together sooner than a few months from now. Seriously. Have you suggested getting together sooner? If so, what has his response been?
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He has indicated that he likes you? Well, knock me over at the effusiveness of his praise. And why is it that you are waiting for HIM to say if things will work between you. Don’t you mean that the TWO of you will have to examine if you think there’s a chance it’ll work out between the two of you? Can you not see how imbalanced the relationship is already?
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I can’t imagine how awkward it would be as an adult to meet up with his Michigan friends at the end of the road trip. “Hello, I’m Alice. I’m John’s fuck-buddy from 15 years ago. We met again on Facebook a few months ago and he asked me to join him on a road trip, so here I am!” If you were my girlfriend, I’d be slapping you and telling you to get some freaking pride!
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And what if things sour on the road trip? You’ll be stuck in a car with him for a few days. Yuck!
I’m not rushing into a decision one way or the other right now. But I am reconsidering the road trip- perhaps a short weekend visit first, if anything, would be more appropriate.
Alice, never ignore the little thing inside you that makes you want to vomit.
No.
He had his chance, and he told you some other woman told him not to see you.
In my part of the world this describes a lying scumbag. Sorry to be blunt, but your hormones are trying to back seat drive your good sense, so your vomit circuits are cutting in on emergency.
Run.
Tris
If you do anything, make him visit you.
To me it looks like you’ve already made up your mind to see this guy no matter what, but don’t be surprised when you get another pitch to just serve as a fuck buddy.
Yes, you do know.
He does not want you. He likes that you love him but that is about it. If he really wanted to give a relationship with you a shot he would be taking a road trip to see you on your turf. He would be making himself emotionally available to you. He wouldn’t be asking you to put yourself out there without doing the same. You already know that but the thought that maybe he might return your feelings is intoxicating.
If you want to find out if he really wants to see if he is interested tell him he is welcome to come visit you. Send him hotel information and tell him you look forward to seeing him when he gets there. I’d bet good money that day will never come because he just doesn’t like you in that way, but if I’m wrong and he does show up and court you in the way he should have years ago then you’ve lost nothing and gained everything. If he doesn’t ever show then you have lost nothing and gained the knowledge that he really isn’t into you at all so the next time he emails you you’ll know to just delete the message.
I agree with Diogenes. If you want to have any chance of not repeating the past with this guy, you’ve got to claw your way out of your infatuation onto equal footing with him.
He looked you up, so rather than being all giddy that he even remembers you exist, how about thinking the onus should be on him to get together with you? He can visit you, he can call, and you can wait for him to show he’s willing to put in a modicum of effort before wasting your time on him again. I’m sure it sounds cold and calculating to your hormone-soaked brain, but even if this guy has good intentions, it will be just too easy to him to slip back into where you were before if you don’t assert yourself now.
He should be falling all over himself that he’s lucky enough that you’re considering giving him a shot. If he’s not, there are better fish in the sea.
/edit: Obviously, that’s assuming you should see him at all, which probably isn’t the wisest thing. However, if you aren’t prepared to approach this with a sufficiently hard-assed attitude, you should definitely do yourself a favor and pass on the guy completely.
[QUOTE=Alice The Goon]
But I will definitely take your advice under consideration.
[/QUOTE]
No you won’t. You’re going to go on the road trip with him, tell yourself it’s your lizard brain blah blah and it’s impossible to resist so you don’t have to admit you’re making a bad decision (since you’re a “stubborn and strong woman, and pretty damn jaded by now”, but I mean, his voice makes your chest vibrate, that’s magical omg!!!11).
Hell, if enough people tell you he’s going to break your heart, you might even pull the classic “You guys don’t think I can do this, do you! Well I’ll SHOW you just how much I can resist him by going along with him and RESISTING him!! That’ll prove you assholes wrong!!”
He’ll let you meet his friends so his friends don’t think he’s a lonely old loser who doesn’t have at least one chick chasing him around (since he used to be such a badass back in the day, gotta’ protect the rep Bro!!!11). You’ll tell yourself “well he’s introducing me to his friends, that means he really does love me, he just doesn’t know it yet, so it’s okay if I sleep with him!” Then at the end of the trip he’ll do something like “ya, we should definately keep in touch, I’m so glad I found you babe!” and then when you’re posting on here asking questions about moving to wherever the guy lives, he’ll slow down with the contacting until he’s out of your life again until he has another mid-life crisis where he gives you a shout because he knows you’ll be sitting there waiting for his call telling yourself “It’ll be different THIS time!!! I’m a stubborn and strong woman, and pretty damn jaded by now!!”
When you post here down the road, broken hearted after it all goes to hell you’ll backwards rationalize that it was the right thing to do and worth it because you’re turning it into this big majestic quest to test your resolve and willpower and maybe he’s changed because age changes people and he’s learned your last name and EVERYTHING. You’re already starting to justify hanging out with him now.
So everyone in this thread will keep telling you not to do it, and you’ll go “thanks everyone for your thoughts and I definately took all your advice under consideration but I’ve decided that the one or two posters who told me what I wanted to hear (that I’d regret it if I didn’t go see if this true love magic will pan out) are right and I’ll just turn off my feelings and be stubborn, strong, and jaded (I am such a martyr, this is just like a romance novel!!), I know I can do this, I HAVE to do this…”
[QUOTE=Alice The Goon]
He knew how I felt about him all that time ago, and if I hadn’t left, things might have turned out differently, he says- it’s definitely possible, he says.
[/QUOTE]
Ya, I told one of my exes that because we really did have a good connection but I didn’t see it going long-term and I was too much of a pussy to tell her flat out that while what we had was fun, I didn’t want to be with her long-term. That way she didn’t have to think there’s anything wrong with her, she can just think "if we hadn’t been separated by fate/destiny/life/etc.
[QUOTE=Alice The Goon]
For the record, when we first started talking again this past winter, I did tell him that now I would never have followed him around like a puppy dog like I did back then
[/QUOTE]
And what would you call going on a road-trip with him? Were YOU planning on taking a road trip before you talked to him? 
[QUOTE=Alice The Goon]
I keep finding myself wondering if a man can be happy with a woman just because she loves the shit out of him and treats him very well.
[/QUOTE]
Nope. Some men can, but not the type of guy you’re describing in your OP.
[QUOTE=Alice The Goon]
True, all true. The question now for me is do I drop it, or do I go to MI with him this summer and see what happens?
[/QUOTE]
“You guys are definately right this definately won’t work out and is a bad idea…the question now is should I do it and see what happens?”
[QUOTE=Alice The Goon]
I kind of agree with those who say if I don’t do it, I’ll still always wonder what would have happened and regret.
[/QUOTE]
Of course you do. Because that’s magical and romantical and you’re backwards rationalizing the trip already.
[QUOTE=Alice The Goon]
I really am a stubborn and strong woman, and I’m pretty damn jaded by now. It takes a lot to hurt me
[/QUOTE]
Get ready for more!
[QUOTE=Alice The Goon]
I’m not rushing into a decision one way or the other right now. But I am reconsidering the road trip- perhaps a short weekend visit first, if anything, would be more appropriate.
[/QUOTE]
Good idea. Because you know he’ll be on his best behavior during the short weekend visit since he wants you to come on this road trip, so he’ll bring out all the charm and even tell you he remembers when you wore that red shirt with the flowers on it that one time (he’s not REALLY a narcissist, see??) and he’ll tell you what a fool he was and that while he’s nervous about this he just HAD to get in touch with you again. Then you’ll be able to convince yourself that there’s something there and then the road trip is DEFINATELY justified, sweet! Then it’ll play out just like my post has been describing.
[QUOTE=Alice The Goon]
and I am more able than ever to rationalize instead of emote.
[/QUOTE]
No you’re not. And that’s not a bad thing, unless you deny it. “I don’t need alcohol, I’m able to stop drinking whenever I want! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to walk through a few liquor stores and hang out at the bar for a few hours!” Attraction isn’t a choice. You can’t logically turn off your “lizard brain” and make yourself not feel anything for him. If you’re an alcoholic, once you admit you can’t control yourself instead of denying it, you stop going to places with alcohol and stop keeping it in the house.
But you’re in denial and don’t want to admit that you’re not strong enough to control this, and so your lizard brain will win and get what it wants. That’s why you’re saying you’ll just turn off the feelings and have to be happy being just friends with him. Your brain already knows that won’t happen but that’s the BS you have to tell yourself for it to get close enough to him for it to get it’s emotional fix. “Sure he abuses me but I can’t break up with him…he has my CDs in his car!!!” “I am definately not going to put out tonight, he said we’re JUST going up to his apartment to watch a movie!!!”
Good luck though! I’ll be referencing this thread in the future when people tell me PUA concepts only work on ditzy low self-esteem bar sluts. 
And for the record, I DO feel bad for you. One-itis/infatuation is rough as hell, and if you don’t date much you don’t really have any other guys in your life to take your mind off this guy so you’re kind of stuck obsessing. It’s a really hard situation.
- TWTTWN
P.S. I’m being blunt with my wording because you aren’t listening to any of the excellent polite advice that you’ve already been given in this thread to cut this guy out of your life, and hopefully if this post makes you sick enough you’ll pay attention to what I’m actually saying (before other people jump on me telling me I’m an asshole because I didn’t sugar-coat my advice haha) Everyone knows where this is going, including him and you.
TheWhoToTheWhatNow was kind of harsh, but he is exactly right and absolutely nailed the thought processes of this type of guy.
And just for the record, I’m not saying he’s doing it purposely/intentionally, and I’m not saying she’s dumb for falling for it. I’m just saying that this is what’s going on, as someone who has no stake invested in the situation at all. He probably isn’t any more self-aware than the average person and on his end he may even legitimately think there’s a chance of them being together and it all working out. And she’s just reacting the way anyone else in the same situation would react if they were actually IN the situation and not just posting their rational sober not-in-love-with-the-person logic.
We human beings are complicated creatures.
- TWTTWN
Thanks for clarifying. I’m having trouble reconciling a person who would delay meeting for 6 months for the sake of caution…but who would then consider a multi-day road trip as an appropriate face-to-face icebreaker. Were I your friend, I’d wonder if you weren’t delaying in order to lose 20 or 30 pounds.
FWIW, I recently got back into contact with my high school friend/boyfriend, who I hadn’t seen in 20 years. We emailed for a few weeks, then met for lunch. THAT’s an appropriate ice breaker, IMO.
You obviously really, really like this guy. Then quit stalling on meeting face to face. You won’t really know how YOU feel until you meet face to face. Email is great for communicating words, but horrible for communicating emotion.