OK, good, I’m glad we’re starting to understand each other better.
I’m getting less resistance lately, probably because I’m starting to get a better Spidey-sense of what she will go for and when. But there are so many permutations it’s hard for me to tell you anything that I would call typical. I guess I can give you three examples that kind of run the gamut. In none of these examples was I trusting my gut, at least consciously, because that’s kind of a new concept for me.
Example 1: When I was in high school, there was a girl who liked me. I never did ask her out, largely because I didn’t even know her name. But she was always trying to corner me and get close. At one point we found ourselves alone and ended up making out. Several times I inched a hand up to her breast, and each time she pushed it away. We never talked about it, and in fact we never stopped kissing. She didn’t get upset that I was trying, we just kept making out. We graduated high school and I never saw her again. To this day I don’t know her name.
Example 2: About ten years ago, I started hanging out with a friend of friends. We began to spend more and more time alone together, and one night we just started kissing. Pretty soon she was coming over to my place several nights a week. We’d always end up making out, and I’d always try to escalate the sexual stuff. Usually she’d let me get so far, then say “nuh uh”, maybe pushing my hand away. But we’d always keep making out. Things eventually got to the point where we gave each other oral sex, but she was always a bit reluctant. Her ultimate resistance was to my trying to establish our friendship as a relationship. She called one night and said that things were just not working out. She wanted to remain friends, but I was emotionally devastated – I loved her very intensely by then. She since got married. I would love to be friends with her again, and I don’t think it would be weird.
Example 3: I was out on a first date with someone a few months ago. Our conversation was deep and intense and fantastic. At one point I reached over the table and grabbed her hand. I honestly can’t tell you whether my gut was telling me if it was a good or bad idea. My brain thought it was a great idea, though. As the night progressed, I kept holding her hand. But she didn’t hold mine. She was totally passive. She never yanked it away, she just kind of put up with it. As we were walking to the train station to part ways, my gut came up with a wonderful idea. I stopped her, turned to face her, pulled her in, and put my tongue in her mouth. Far from resisting, she kissed me back pretty aggressively. We got to the train station and said goodnight. The next morning she e-mailed me to tell me that she just wasn’t feeling attraction to me. We never spoke again.
Other than that, my usual resistance story is trying to go for the kiss at the end of a date, and getting a handshake instead. I never called for a second date in those cases. I’ve never been slapped, never had someone walk out in a huff, and never had a woman freak out on me. And I’ve never lost a friend over it, except for example 2. But like I said, I don’t usually date friends.
As far as talking about the three options, it’s not like I ever gave a girl three option questionnaire, at least not since 4th grade. If I like a woman and think she likes me, I’ll call her. She’ll either say yes or no thanks.
To get back to the heart of your question, what about the 20% when my gut is wrong? Well, we all screw things up every now and then. A bad decision on my part has never ended in true catastrophe. Just lost opportunity, and sometimes a broken heart.
I hope I’m giving you a better understanding! 