I should emphasize that I didn’t “grab her jugs” - she put herself into a position that my hand was resting on them. I then just explored any opportunities that were to hand, so to speak…
Anyway, interesting. I wouldn’t have thought of trying to make her. I’m not a pushy person, and I certainly don’t want to appear to beg. Anything she does should be of her own volition - but I do kind of see that I could demonstrate my ardour a little more firmly. I actually think she’s ever-so-slightly messed up, and I’m a nice person, so wouldn’t want to hurt her in any way. She did seek me out on Thursday night and walk 20 minutes in the snow to come and see me, though left early, but gave me a very clingy and affectionate cuddle before she left. She has asked me to take her for a walk tomorrow, though, and I will be very tactile from the get-go. We shall see.
I remember once I was out with a group of friends (cowrkers). We were watching some popular band play a this huge bar.
One of my female friends, who I’ve always thought was pretty but never really thought of dating wise; yells in my ear over the loud music: “YOU KNOW WHERE THE RESTROOM IS?”
I started to tell her but then I realized, that the crowd between us and the restroom was way too thick for this petite, little, girl to get through. So instead, I just took her by the hand and said “Come on”.
I wasn’t trying to be romantic, I just wanted to act like a bulldozer to get her through the crowd so she could go take care of business.
So anyway, we get there, she does her thing and then I take her by the hand again so we can get back to our group of friends.
Let me tell you guys something: That small little act had this girl purring for me like I couldn’t believe. She had never shown any interest before that night.
I’m just going to throw this out there and you guys can take it or leave it as you see fit. I’m not sure that I believe it myself, but I’ve heard it enough times from dating experts and it certainly seems true enough from my past experiences.
Whether or not she likes you doesn’t matter. What you really want is to get to the next step, right? The next step is:
You see her walking down the street and you want to stop her and introduce yourself.
Or you’re having coffee with her and you want to put your hand on her knee.
Or it’s the end of the date (or the beginning, or the middle) and you want to kiss her.
Or you’re kissing her and you want to touch her breasts.
Or you’re heavily making out and you want to remove her panties.
Forget about how she feels about it. How do YOU feel about it? Imagine it just before you do it. Do you suddenly feel a little sick to your stomach? Does your chest tighten up? Do you feel like the world’s biggest creep? Or do you feel like it’s the most natural, beautiful thing ever?
Women are empathic. They feel what you feel. And to a certain extent, you feel what she’s feeling. If the very thought of taking the next step fills you with revulsion, she’s not into you at that particular moment. If you see nothing but green lights ahead, then go for it.
Use this with caution, of course. Your radar might be so out of whack that you just can’t trust it, and you certainly don’t want to make unwanted advances. But your radar is probably more in tune than you think it is.
What if you make your move and you’re not sure it was welcome? Then unmake the move. Maybe you hold her hand and her hand is like a limp fish. Then let go of it and go back to what you were doing before. If she likes you, she’ll grab your hand right back.
Your reassurance that “They feel what you feel. And to a certain extent, you feel what she’s feeling. If the very thought of taking the next step fills you with revulsion, she’s not into you at that particular moment. If you see nothing but green lights ahead, then go for it” is then annihilated with “Your radar might be so out of whack that you just can’t trust it, and you certainly don’t want to make unwanted advances.”
So, there’s a telepathic link and you should totally trust it because it works. Except when it doesn’t work. And you certainly don’t want to act on it when it doesn’t work.
How do you know if it works? You act on it (but not when it doesn’t work!).
I have asked it. But I was not interested in what you did when you were wrong. Obviously, if you try something and it’s not welcome, you stop it.
Perhaps the way I phrased it didn’t make it obvious, but I have no interest in finding out how YOU reacted when you tried something that was unwelcome, but rather how SHE reacted when you kissed/touched her/removed clothing and it was unwelcome. Unwelcome kissing/touching/removing of clothing is only ever reacted to with a simple pulling away?
I’m still not quite sure where you’re going with this.
What other reactions from her are you looking for? Me getting slapped? Her walking out on me? Not getting another date with her? Or are you getting at something a little more sinister?
You said that 20% of the time you’re wrong. I realise that this will vary from one person to another but let’s take that percentage. I asked you what’s liable to happen in that 20% of times.
So, yes, what is realistically liable to happen in terms of her reaction in that 20% of times you’re wrong and kiss/touch/remove her clothing, aside from pulling away?
As for “more sinister”, I’m not sure what you mean by that, could you specify?
I doubt it’s anything sinister, I think what he’s getting at is “what happens to a relationship if you push too far with a woman with whom you’re friendly?”
Most guys (myself included) that I’ve known that have been afraid to make a move on a girl they like have been afraid because there’s a level of friendship built up, valuable enough that there’s a fear of accidentally trashing the friendship by making an unwanted advance. The “what happens” thing asks “what happens to the friendship” after you push too far with someone who likes you, but “not that way.”
(Gotta admit, I’m a bit curious… I’ve got a lot of missed chances in my past due to these kinds of fears, but being in a relationship currently, I’m actually kind of thankful that someone of the women I used to crush on are just friends and therefore still part of my social circle.)
But it’s also what happens to a (obviously past friendship) relationship in that 20% of times.
The only thing sinister that could be part of my question would be concerns for legal liability and reputation. I’m not talking about hurting a woman beyond taking it a step above what she wants.