Silly rant about a stupid commercial

Hatian lesbian in a wheel chair?

Ok…

I hate that Snuggle bear from the seventh circle of Hell!!!

Two old commercials that used to annoy the fuck out of me:

The truck commercial (Ford or Dodge, I don’t remember) where they ask “Do you want more from your truck? You’re what we call a ‘one percenter.’”

Do I want more what? Whatever it is, who’s going to say no? So what I really am is a fucking 100 percenter. Fuck you. Quit trying to kiss my ass like I’m at a used car lot.
The other one (really old) was that series of Old Leather commercials which proclaimed that Old Leather “smells just like a man.”

Excuse me, but isn’t the point to NOT smell just like a man. Isn’t that like marketing deoderant that smells just like an armpit or carpet deoderizer that smells just like cat piss?

Morons…Fucking morons…

Why does the voice in people’s heads tell them to kill? Why doesn’t it ever say: “Go take a shit on the salad bar at Wendy’s”

What about Scott Donahoo of Foreign Motor? He truly creeps my girlfriend out.

I don’t have TV at the moment, so I’m missing all these wonderful examples, sadly. However, to make up for it, I’m being subjected to a LOT more crappy radio ads.

The absolute worst one playing right now is for some car dealership, where for no reason at all, the guy reading the copy reads it all in a HORRIBLE fake Australian accent. It’s not for an Australian car. They’re not having a contest to win a trip to Australia. They don’t even bother making a simple “Down Under” pun. It’s just straightforward boring car jargon, but for some reason this guy thought he should do it in a fake accent. Pisses me right off, for some reason.

Okay, Vegas has this car dealership with a hugely annoying dude (Aussie?) and his hugely annoying kid. What is with using your kids in your ads anyway? Do I give a crap about your spiky-haired wunderkind when I’m sitting behind the wheel of a new Benz inhaling that new car smell? NO! Does anything about your ad make me want to slide behind the wheel of that new car? NO!

And LA has had Larry H. Parker for as long as I can remember. Apparently I need someone to get angry for me. “Larry H Parker got me 5.5 million dollars…” and all that crap. Actually, it’s become such a tradition that I’m almost amused. (But not, of course, because litigation is RUINING our society)

And hey, let’s pit print ads while we’re at it! Why the FUCK is Wayne Gretzky on an ad for a car dealership in one of the poorest, least hockey-playing parts of Souther California? There isn’t even a lame-ass quote to tenuously link hockey to cars. It’s just Wayne Fucking Gretzky in a t-shirt for the dealership on a sign with the dealership’s name and number.

Oh, and that goes for you too, Mr. John Fucking Elway. Why are you appearing on a sign for a Vegas dealership (or was it furniture? I forget) holding a football in your hands as if a)it had anything to do with what you’re selling, or b)we really needed to be reminded that you’re a football player. Trust me, if we didn’t recognize your mug w/out the football… we aren’t going to recognize it with. But we will wonder who the shit-for-brains was that cooked up an ad for (cars? furniture?) that involved the picture of a man cradling a football as if it was a goddamn Oscar©.

I hate the beer commercial (can’t remember which beer, all I remember is how annoying it is, real effective insofar as selling their product huh?).

Anyway, it shows this guy walking through some club. He spots a beautiful woman eyeing him, and the words “Maneater” appear above her head.

He keeps walking, another very good-looking woman glances at him, but she’s also in an animated conversation with a friend “Chatterbox” appears above her head.

Then there’s “High Maintenance”. Finally “Miss Right” who is labeled “Girl Next Door” or “Yes” or some such.

This just DRIVES Me nuts (short drive as my bf would say :)). I mean, this guy is giving a nano-second’s glance to each one of these women and he just “knows” they’re no good?

Yeah, we all NEED to be more judgmental and into labeling people negatively based on superficial appearances.

grrrrrrrrrr

Ad for some kind of stain removing toothpaste:
Set in a British office, today.
A woman wearing a tooth costume is being harassed for dates by a selection of men. One man is wearing a red wine bottle costume. Another is wearing a cigarette costume. Another is wearing a cup of black coffee costume. Another is dressed as a takeaway curry.
The woman says “no” and “um, I can’t” to the men, and appears uncomfortable.
Another man enters the office. He is wearing a toothpaste tube costume. He appears hunky and clean-cut.
The man in the toothpaste outfit beckons to the other men. “Take a look at this, lads!” he says. All the men gather aroudn a computer screen. “Phwoar, look at the gnashers on that”, they say, giving us the impression that they are viewing some form of dental porn.
Seeing that her harassers are distracted, Tooth Lady mouths a sheepish “thank you” at the Knight In A Shining Toothpaste Tube.
Then Tooth Lady and Toothpaste Paladin get into the lift together. I think that the other guys now notice that he’s stolen the woman from under their noses, and attempt to get into the lift, but fail.

So… the best way to deal with sexual harrassment in the workplace is to show the harassers some internet porn! The victim of the harassment will be so grateful that she will go on a date with you!

The intended text of “this toothpaste gets nasty stains away from your teeth” is fine, and a “knight in shining armour” approach works OK, but setting it in the office just brings to mind all those things we’re taught about sexual harrassment in the workplace.

I’m not really this humourless :wink: - I just happened to think “hey, the subtext of this ad is slightly screwy”

My favorite is for “Herbal Dexatrim”, who’s main selling point is that it is the natural way to lose weight (?) and has been used in China for millenia!

Uh… they have a weight problem in China??

There’s some commercial for plastic that has people just marveling that people are making it past a certain age, as in if he/she weren’t using plastic he/she surely would’ve killed himself by now. It just strikes me as really odd every time I see it.

Morrigoon, Elway probably owns that dealership. He owns about a dozen or so in Colorado.
We have a commercial here, for a cor dealership, Amway wholeseller, or drycleaners (I can’t tell, it annoys me too much to pay attention*), where, at the very end, some little kid, I mean like 3 yrs old, says, “Mai meimoo wee.”

In other words, it’s completely unintelligable. Sure, it’s cute to have your kid in your own commercial, but this is a worthless addition. You and your family are the only ones getting anything out of it. We don’t even remember what you’re hawking.

*kind of strikes down the theory that an annoying commercial keeps the product in your head. Sometimes it backfires.

That man is wrong, wrong, wrong! Where the hell is he from anyway?

Of course not! They’ve been using herbal Dexatrim!

I keep seeing a Keebler commercial for some type of elf-shaped cookie. The Keeblers review the data from the latest polls and comment, sadly, that people still don’t believe elves exist.

Fortunately, one young Keebler has a solution. He’ll blast their elf-shaped cookies with fudgy filling! That’ll prove once and for all that elves exist!

The hell? Maybe it’s just me, but fudge-filled cookies don’t exactly meet the burden of proof.

I’d love to see the elf try this in court. “Your honor, my client couldn’t have murdered his brother, because Keebler cookies are blasted with fudge!”

How about the Ricola cough drop ads where they use two different pronunciations for the product?

REE-co-la

and

ree-CO-la

And then there was one annoying radio ad from the Minnesota Orchestra here a while ago. Some modern or new age ensemble, I forget which one, was coming to town. Maybe it was an orchestra that played Philip Glass. I dunno.

Anyway, the radio ad implored listeners to come hear this new orchestra because it would “change the way you think about classical music.”

No, classical music is classical music. This group may change my perceptions of orchestral music, but it won’t change the way I think about classical music.

Dunderheads ought to have known better.

Presently an ad for Sensodyne or some such toothpase for sensitive teeth running here in Sweden. Drives me batshit.
They actually have the gall to say “But if you stop using Sensodyne, your pain will return” or some such crap. Don’t you dare threaten me, or blackmail me or whatever the fuck it is you are doing. I will never touch your fucking product now that you happily tell me that using it sells my soul to your ratfart company for all time? It’s like one of those chain letter emailas that say if you don’t forward this to ten people in ten minutes you will die of cancer. Shag off yeh pricks.

I believe the fact that the cookies are elf-shaped is the proof (as seen in an earlier commercial).

Don’t be silly. The proof is in the elf-pudding.

There’s a joke somewhere in there about blasting into elves’ fudgy filling. . .

Googling for spelling?!?

:smack:

Sweet grienspace… don’t you realize that the Internet is rampant with misspelling?

Google for “exersize” and “exercise” - thousands of hits each.

http://www.dictionary.com is your friend.