Remember when Barney Gumbell was trining in the NASA gym for the space voyage?
I always loved the part where Barney had been working out in the gym and he says:
“Hi Homer! Since I’ve stopped drinking I’ve regained my balance and diction!”
Then he does a bunch of cartwheels and handsprings, all the while singing this rhyme.
“I’m the very model of …
______________ animal,mineral or vegetable.”
I have seen this a hundred times and I can’t catch all the lyrics.
What does Barney say?
Oh God! I can’t believe I can’t remember all this!! It’s from the Pirates of Penzance (pardon the spelling) and I had to perform it it acting class!
What I remember is “I am the very model of the modern major general” and then I go blank!!!
Sorry I can’t fill in any more for you. I’m sure you can find the lyrics online somewhere to the whole song, or if not, try the library.
I don’t know, but have you tried the capsules at www.snpp.com?
Okay, I went there and:
BTW, some of the Dopers have been trying their hands at parodies of Gilbert & Sullivan patter songs. Mod Euty started the ball rolling with his thread “I am the Very Model of a Message Board Administrate” and there is a sensational thread along these lines in the Pit, starting with “I am the Very…Libertarian.” [links not supplied due to idleness]
picmr
Can’t remember it all, but this will get you started:
I’m the very model of a modern major general
I’ve information animal, vegetable, and mineral
I quote the Kings of England
And the battles quite historical
From Marathon to Waterloo
In order chronological
he’s also teeming with lots of news
and knows something about the square of the hypotanuse but I can’t remember any more.
Ask Sideshow Bob, I seem to remember that Bart made him sing the entire operetta during the take off on Cape Fear (or was that another Gilbert and Sullivan show? I know it had Three Little Maids From School Are We and something about an Englishman).
Can’t remember it all, but this will get you started:
I’m the very model of a modern major general
I’ve information animal, vegetable, and mineral
I quote the Kings of England
And the battles quite historical
From Marathon to Waterloo
In order chronological
he’s also teeming with lots of news
and knows something about the square of the hypotanuse but I can’t remember any more.
Ask Sideshow Bob, I seem to remember that Bart made him sing the entire operetta during the take off on Cape Fear (or was that another Gilbert and Sullivan show? I know it had Three Little Maids From School Are We and something about an Englishman - could have been The Mikado?).
There’s also a great animaniacs version of that tune which I actually have on tape.
I’m not sure but I think it started off something like this:
“I’m the very model of a cartoon individual…”
Bart stalled Bob by asking him to perform H.M.S. Pinafore but I’m certain Bob would know Pirates of Penzance too.
One of my favorite Homer lines was “I once knew a man from Nantucket, and let me tell you, the stories about him are greatly exaggerated.”
SONG–MAJOR-GENERAL
I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights
historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters
mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and
quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the
hypotenuse.
ALL: With many cheerful facts, etc.
GENERAL: I’m very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
ALL: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General.
GENERAL: I know our mythic history, King Arthur’s and Sir
Caradoc’s;
I answer hard acrostics, I’ve a pretty taste for
paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and
Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of
Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I’ve heard the music’s
din afore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense
Pinafore.
ALL: And whistle all the airs, etc.
GENERAL: Then I can write a washing bill in
Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev’ry detail of Caractacus’s uniform:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
ALL: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General.
GENERAL: In fact, when I know what is meant by “mamelon” and
“ravelin”,
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I’m more
wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by
“commissariat”,
When I have learnt what progress has been made in
modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery-
-
In short, when I’ve a smattering of elemental strategy,
You’ll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.
ALL: You’ll say a better Major-General, etc.
GENERAL: For my military knowledge, though I’m plucky and
adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the
century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
ALL: But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General.
I am perfectly sober with the lyrics right in front of me and I STILL can’t get through the first damn verse without stuttering.
Maybe I should try it after a few frosty beverages. I can be the anti-Barney. I’ll get my balance and diction back only after I’m piss-drunk.