“I’m going on a bender to end all benders”
“Lemme tell you something…This ain’t makeup!”
- Confirming Homer’s questions regarding his medical history.
“Would it really be worth living in a world without television? I think the survivors would envy the dead.”
“It wasn’t my fault–it was the Percodan, I tell ya! If you ask me, that stuff rots your brain! And now a word from our sponsor…Percodan!?”
KRUSTY: Just to prove there is nothing wrong with our product I will personally eat one of the [metal Krustyos] (GULP)
(DROPS TO THE GROUND CLUTCHING HIS STOMACH)AIGHH OOOOOO ARRRRRGGH It’s shredding my insides!
SIDESHOW MEL: But Krusty that was a regular Krustyo
Krusty: It’s poisin.
“I tell you what, kid. I’ll do it for free if you let me have some of that huge sandwich.”
paraphrasing from memory:
[getting prank phone call from Gabbo]: Is this the callback from that phone sex number? Look, I was a little nervous then but I assure you, I’m all man.
What was I on?
If this is anyone but Steve Allen, you’re stealing my bit!
Oooh Oooh, someone else say the perkadan one again!
“I’m not leaving until I get paid. I get $500 just for ‘Hey, hey!’”
Krusty: Good job, kid! What’s your name?
Bart: I’m Bart Simpson. I saved you from jail.
Krusty: [not remembering] Er, I…
Bart: I reunited you with your estranged father.
Krusty: Er, uh, I don’t know…
Bart: I saved your career, man! Remember your comeback special?
Krusty: Yeah, well, what have you done for me lately?
Bart: I got you that danish.
Krusty: [grateful] And I’ll never forget it.
bart: you breath stinks! what were you drinking - gasoline?
krusty: yes mother, i was drinking gasoline.
Krusty flashback special showing clip of his first, rather botched, performance on television
Krusty: “Back then you couldn’t say ‘pants’ on tv. I was banned for ten years…”
“Ahh… I could pull a better cartoon out of my a… OH! HEY, HEY! Wasn’t that great kids!?”
I can’t believe this one hasn’t been posted yet. Sure to be a winner in prison Qadgop.
“Could I play hemorrhoid sufferer #1? Ooooh, oh that hurts, ahhh, is there no relief?!”
A thousand thanks, dopers. Now my work at prison will go more smoothly.
Homer: Sorry Bart - I didn’t know that you and Jay Leno were bathing a clown in here.
Krusty: Well they are, so make with the loofah or get out!
After they showed the “nice” Itchy and Scratchy episode, with the two of them on a yard swing sipping lemonade together:
KRUSTY: “Wasn’t that funny, boys and girls?”
<silence>
KRUSTY [angrily]: “WELL, wasn’t it?!”
“Kids today think comedy is all about dirty words. It’s about words that sound dirty.”
Not to be picky, but…
Homer: Oh, sorry, Bart. I didn’t know you, Jay Leno and a monkey were bathing a clown in here.
And in addition to yours Katisha…
“Mukluk. You like that, eh? Mukluk…”