Someone watch it for me and report, please. Stephen King and John Updike are guests. (Insert Astounded Smilie here.)
We only have one set and I graciously allow hubby to have it on weekends for football. (I get back at him in other ways.)
Chalkboard:
I will not surprise the incontinent.
Couch joke:
“The Matrix” style special effects. Simpsons jump for couch, action stops, camera pans around 180 degress, action continues, Simpsons land on couch.
Bart and Homer blow up watermelon with fireworks. Marge gets pissed, has them do chores. They use fireworks to do chores. End up having to take Lisa to book festival.
King cameo: I’m tired of writing horror, I’m going to do a biography of Benjamin Franklin–he discovered electricity. Did you know he used it to torture animals. And that kite/key/lightning experiment–it opened the gates of Hell!!
Marge: Well, let me know when you decide to go back to horror.
Krusty the Klown book signing:
Krusy: And I didn’t even write the book. (Looks back at author) What was your name again?
John Updike: John Updike.
Krusty: Whoa! I didn’t ask for your life story!
A girl in line for the book signing claims to be Krusty’s daughter, from an affair he had in the Gulf War.
Krusty takes daughter to beach. Drops daughter off at mom’s apartment afterwards, notices mom’s anti Krusty artwork.
Krusty loses daughter’s beloved violin in poker game.
Replaces violin with ukelele (the thinking man’s violin).
Daughter says “Mom was right, I was better off not knowing you”.
Krusty: You gotta help me, my daughter found out I’m a jerk.
Homer and Krusty plot to steal the violin back from that mob guy Fat Tony (the winner of the violin).
They break in, a shoot out ensues, but they get the violin back, along with a bunch of cash hidden in the case. Krusty claims it was a gift to her. Krusty and daughter are happy.
Ending:
The mob still chasing Homer.
Homer: I said I was sorry.
Mob: Oh, OK then. Classy guy.
Homer: Sorry you’re a bunch of jerks.
Mob: Let’s get him!
The End
(I’ll let the others fill in all the jokes).
So King had more lines than Updike? Cool.
Yes, we have a VCR (what, you think we’re Neanderthals?), and I used to know how to tape one show while watching another, but I haven’t been able to do that with the DirecTV set-up. (Guess we are Neanderthals.)
Thanks very much for the play by play. 
Yeah, the SK thing was funny.
Lisa misinterprets Amy Tan’s The Joy Luck Club.
We see Apu, and the kids are waterskiing while he drives the motorboat.
Ned Flanders helps Rod and Tod build a sand castle, and advises them against making one of the arches too “Romanesque.”
Kearny teaches his son when to knock down a sand castle.
Homer fails to rescue Lisa from a sting ray…
Also, it turns out Krusty is responsible for Saddam Hussein being alive still.
There was a fun Dawson’s Creek spoof, in which a girl dates the Bumblebee Guy to make Dawson jealous. Muhaha.
A good episode, actually.
Maya angelou waxes poetic about the B2 Stealth Bomber.
Rev. Lovejoy makes stigmata muffins (there are holes in them).
Rev. Lovejoy: Try my Mary Magdeline eclairs, they’re orgasmic!
At one point, theres a flashaback of how krusty met his daughters mom…hes performing a la Bob Hope for the men in Desert Storm, brings out the Cincinnati Bengals cheerleaders, and the crowd starts getting pissed “This is an insult to our Muslim hosts” Funny stuff.
Stephen King saved this episode with info about his new book based on Benjamin Franklin whose key on the kite opened the gates of Hell!!!
And, of course, when Homer bit one, it…
…well…
… SHOT all over Lovejoy.
Ha! That show will never lose it. I hope. Orgasmic muffins, oh my.
Actually, the eclair erupted all over Tom Wolfe, leaving a large stain on his trademark white suit. He ripped the suit off, revealing a pristine new one underneath.
Krusty: “Wait a minute…Maya Angelou is black?”
That had me chuckling…
And I almost forgot - his cookbook was titled Someone’s in the Kitchen with Jesus. Made me smile.
The whole Maya Angelou thing was hilarious. Only she could describe a B2 as “…suckling at the teet of government spending…”
Oh my G-d that cracked me up.
Reminded me of David Allan Grier’s, Maya Angelou impression for Saturday Night Live where the theme was, “What if Maya Angelou did a Fruit Loops Commercial”
“Fruity Loops of fruit,
the fruit that loops
with the taste of the pomegranite…
…natures milk on my fruity loops…”
Oh man was that funny.
I also liked the Romanesque arch comment made by Flanders.
Just as a postscript to last week’s thread about the season premiere, I discovered there really is a website at the domain http://www.whatbadgerseat.com.
It is of course an alias to pages on the official Simpsons website, and has the same information mentioned in the episode.
“Then how do you explain…THIS?!”
“That says ‘corn,’ Bart.”
“Must you embarrass me?”
I liked when Marge asked Stephen King to let her know when he gets back to writing horror, and King jots down on a Post-It note – “Call Marge RE: Horror”
And the gangsters at the end, chasing Homer and shooting at him. Homer shouts “I said I was sorry!” and all the gangsters stop chasing him. “Oh if he’s sorry. Yeah, that’s fair enough.”
What? No one mentioned Christopher.
The episode has Christopher Walken reading to children, voiced by Jay Mohr, I thought that was one of the funniest bits, but then any Walken influenced humor makes me laugh.