I hope no one’s posted these yet—
Lisa: Dad, you have to read a REAL book!
Homer: Is TV Guide a real book?
Lisa: NO!
Homer: Sniglets?
Lisa: NO!
Homer: Katharine Hepburn’s “Me?”
Lisa: NO!
Marge’s mother: Oh, I was the most beautiful girl in Springfield . . . It drove all my friends crazy!
Homer’s father: Which friends?
Marge’s mother: Frances Farmer . . . Zelda Fitzgerald . . . little Sylvia Plath . . .
Homer talking to a Polynesian chief:
Homer: Where are all the naked native women?
Chief: Oh, there used to be many beautiful naked women here, but then the Christians came and gave us the gift of shame.
Chief Wiggums at a carnival type fair:
Wiggums: And here is the dreaded esquilox, with the head of a rabbit and the body of…a rabbit!
Homer:
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose… it’s how drunk you get.
It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
Lenny: Hey, Homer? What do I tell the boss?
Homer: Tell him I’m going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!
Big brother representative: Now, Mr. Simpson, may I ask why you’re here?
Homer’s brain: Don’t say revenge. Don’t say revenge.
Homer: Ummm… revenge?
Homer’s brain: Okay, that’s it. I’m outta here.
(step step step step step…slam)
Homer: Okay, brain. You don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but let’s get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.
Homer’s Brain: It’s a deal!
Homer: Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they
smell good, and you’d step over your own mother just to get
one! (chugs beer)
Homer’s brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer’s brain: Okay, don’t use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!
Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Bart: No.
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa: Yes.
Homer: But the car’s okay?
Bart & Lisa: Uh-huh.
Homer: All right then.
Homer:Mmmmm… reprocessed pig fat…
Homer(praying): Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever… thy will be done (munch munch munch).
Marge: Homer, did you call the audience “Chicken”?
Homer: No! I swear on this bible!
Marge: That’s not a bible. That’s a book of carpet samples.
Homer: Mmmm… fuzzy.
Apu: Silly customer! You cannot hurt the twinkie!
Groundskeeper Willie: Then we removed our kilts to reveal full length gowns with sequins. The goal was to blind the opponent with lightening.
Mr. Burns is looking for something (I can’t remember what) and Smithers says:
Smithers: Actually sir, we found that last week.
Mr. Burns: and the Jade Monkey?
Smithers: it was in your glove compartment, sir.
Mr. Burns: Ex-cellent!
Just one correction Beakerxf, I think this is right,if not, I’m sure another die-hard Simpsons fan will correct me
Burns: You must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.
Smithers: Actually we found the jade monkey sir, it was in your glove compartment.
Burns: and the ice scraper and the road maps?
Smithers: Yes
Burns: Excellent, it is all falling in to place.
After Lisa tells Ralph that she just wants to be friends, she gives him a valentine and Ralph reads it aloud:
“Let’s be friends…and there’s a picture of a bee!”
Love that Ralph. 
From the time Homer had a bowling team:
Homer, Apu, & Moe: You can do it Otto! You can do it Otto!
Moe: Come back to my place and I will getcha blotto!
Apu: Come back to my place and I’ll give you free gelato!
Homer: Domo ari gato, Mr. Roboto!
Amish guy: Aye, tis a fine barn, English, but she’s no pool!
Smithers (as the robotic Richard Simmons goes beserk): Oh my God, his ass is gonna blow!!
Homer (auditioning to be Mr. Burns in his movie): Ex-actly. D’oh!
Lenny: Hey Homer, stop eatin’ me.
Ralph: Oh no. They’re gonna smell like hot dogs!
Gil: Oh, that’s OK, you can wear the store sock.
Lisa: Ewwwwwwwwwww!!!
Krusty (after his studio is dismantled): Not my Paris backdrop! Now how will I make fun of the frogs?
German plant foreman: The following people will be laid off: Simpson, Homer. That is all.
Homer: I knew I shoulda read that book by that wheelchair guy.
I had a feeling I was misquoting that one. Much funnier the right way.
Well, I’m outta here for the weekend so I’ll the the board with this:
Homer in the candy store:
“I feel like a kid in some kinda store”
From the one where Homer goes into space:
While Homer, the only one to have not received employee of the month, is thinking he’s due:
Mr. Burns: “and this months winner is [pause] this inanimate carbon rod”
Ants on the spaceshuttle: “protect the queen”
-“which one’s the queen?”
-“I am”
-“no you’re not”
<<crash>>
-“Freedom, Horrible Freedom”
Headline on newspaper at end: “In rod we trust” with a picture of the rod up close in Homer’s hand.
Have a great weekend all. Hope this thread is still around Monday (though I don’t have my hopes too high)
Moe: " I’m better than dirt…well, most kinds of dirt…not that fancy store bought dirt, that stuff is loaded with nutrients. I can’t compeat with that."
Sideshow Bob:
“Convicted of a crime I didn’t even commit. Hah! Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?”
And I may butcher this one, but Kang and Kodos show the Simpsons that they have recreated table tennis:
Bart: “But that’s just Pong. We invented that years ago.”
Kang: “Everyone whose species has mastered intergalactic space travel, raise a tentacle.”
Troy McClure, acting in the musical Planet of the Apes:
“I hate every ape I see
From chimpan-A to chimpanzee…
Oh my gosh, I was wrong
It was Earth all along!
I guess you’ve finally made a monkey
(Yes, we finally made a monkey)
Yes, you’ve finally made a monkey out of me!”
Hee hee hee!
From when Bart is going to fail 4th grade:
Otto: “Don’t worry Bart-dude…I failed 4th grade THREE times and look at me now! I DRIVE the school bus!”
From the NASA episode: “Oh no! Now we’ll never know if ants can sort tiny screws in space!”
And I almost busted a gut at the end of the John Waters episode:
“This epsiode dedicated to the steel workers of America – Keep reachin’ for that rainbow!!”
My favorite Dr. Nick quote–“The best part was when he gave me my money.”
“You don’t win friends with salad! You don’t win friends with salad!”
Marge: I have to go out to pick up something for dinner!
Homer: Steak?
Marge: Money’s too tight for steak.
Homer: Steak?
Marge: Uh, sure…steak.
I lied, I’m back (on my parents computer).
Well, here goes:
OK, it’s the episode (I think) where Homer is in a coma due to (I think) the april Fools Day prank Bart played by shaking up his can of beer. The show is mostly flashbacks of the rest of the family’s memories with Homer.
Grandpa: I go into comas all the time.
Bart: Really Grandpa? what’s it like?
Grandpa: Oh it’s great, you re-live great moments, experience again old love affairs, It’s like one of those TV shows where they show flashbacks from older episodes.
Yes, I know I butchered it, but if you’ve seen it you’ll remember it in your own way.
Let’s see, what else. So much has been mentioned.
Here are a few “either you know the show or you don’t”'s:
“We’re out of Bort liscence plates”
“Hey, I’m seein double! 4 Krustys”
“Barney’s film had heart, but football in the groin had a football in the groin”
“The Blues isn’t about makin yourself feel better; it’s about makin others feel worse”
“Where’s the ‘any’ key? There doesn’t seem to be any ‘any’ key”
Homer - "Flanders you stink’
Flanders - “Thanks for the nose news neighbor”
Bart - “It’s getting too commercial. It used to be about the grammar”
“Bart, do you have a best friend, 'cause I’ve been lookin for someone to boss me around”
“I’m a stupid moron and my butt stinks, and I like to kiss my own butt”
“We’ll all be meeting in the Butthead Auditorium (gee, I wish we didn’t let the kids name that one)”
“The children will no longer make fun of your name Mr, Glasscock”
Said by Mr. C. Montgomery Burns:
“One dollar for eternal happiness… I think I’d be happier with the dollar”.
I dont think anyone got this one…
Homer: “Oh Lisa, you and your story. Bart is a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now let’s go back to that…building…thingy…where our beds and TV…is…”
Used to be my startup for my computer…
Check my sig line too…
Also loved (wasnt a quote though) in the Sherry Bobbins one, where Homer starts daydreaming in the middle of someone talking to him, where the black and white cartoon of mickey-mouse looking things are dancing around to the music. Love that.
I got that one before… i dont think i got the exact words though…
here’s one:
Homer is in the land of Chocolate dancing around and eating everything in sight.
then he sees a store:
“Ohhh… 50% off chocolate!”
I liked a recent Lenny out burst: “You only call us a cow college 'cos we were founded by a cow!”
I’m Troy McLure. You may know me from such films as “P is for Psycho” and “Gladys the Groovy Mule”.
From the episode where Bart sells his soul.
Milhouse: When you sneeze thats your soul trying to escape and when you say ‘God Bless You’ it crams it back in.
thinks she got it right
And the Duff Beer one where they go to Duff-land
Duff beer for me
Duff beer for you
I’ll have a Duff
You have one too.
Something like this:
Moe: Oh, look at Mr. Fancy Pants calling it a garage.
Homer: What do you call it?
Moe: A carhole.
Homer after getting Apu his citizenship.
Homer: If I could just say a few words…I’d be a better public speaker.