From Nelson:
“The ingredients were: Tomatoes, Water and Sodiumbenzelweigh used to retard spoilage, once again if I’m not mistaken this can contained tamatoe paste”
So, you don’t like the old time bikes eh? (Homer Bad Man)
Stonecutters Episode:
Homer: One of those egg council creeps got to you too.
Lenny: No Homer, you got it all wrong.
(man in egg suits runs away)
Homer: yeah, you better run, egg!
Same episode
Homer: Why won’t those guys let me in their crappy club for jerks?
Chili Cookoff
“what’s wrong with me? Woke up, went to chili contest, ate guatemalen insanity pepper…oh.”
Australian Episode
Homer: Look kids, I’m in America, Australia, America, Australia…
Marine punches him: In America we don’t take that kind of crap!
I don’t remember the episode but there’s a family in a car and the driver (obviously a dad) is frustrated and yells: “That’s it, back to Winnipeg!” (being from Winnipeg and all
My germs, my precious germs. They never harmed anybody. They never even had a chance."
“Ooh, look at me! I’m making people happy! I’m the magical man! From HappyLand! In a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane!”
Wiggum: And once a stranger enters your house, anything you do to them is nice [wink] and legal.
Homer: Oh Flanders…won’t you join me in my kitchen?
Wiggum: Uh, it doesn’t work if you invite 'em.
Flanders: Hidely hey!
Homer: Go home.
Flanders: Doodely doo!
Wiggum, reading the town charter: Hey, it says here, as chief constable I’m supposed to get a pig every month! And ‘two comely lasses of virtue true’.
Mayor Quimby: Keep the pig; how many broads do I get?
Quimby: Listen, you talking tub of donut batter; if I go down, you’re gonna break my fall!
Wiggum: Hey, I got pictures of you, Quimby!
Quimby: You don’t scare me; that could be anyone’s ass!
And one that’s not that funny, but has nonetheless become a catchphrase with me. Homer and a one-shot character, voiced by Fred Willard, organize a charter trip to the Super Bowl. When they get there, they find their tickets are invalid.
Fred: Oh, the fellas are going to be crestfallen!
Homer: Well, if by ‘crestfallen’ you mean ‘kill us’…
Since then I’ve occasionally told Mr. Rilch that I’ll be crestfallen if something happens, or doesn’t happen. 
This is a great Topic, I’ve busted a gut laughing.
Here are some of my favorite quotes:
From the episode where Lisa becomes a vegetarian (from the video they watch in class)
Troy Mclure: Now lets go look at the killing floor.
Jimmy looks at him with an expression of horror
Troy: Dont let the name fool you, it’s more of a grate that allows the wastes to sluice through.
Or from the episode where Bart joins big brothers:
Pepi: I love you Papa Homer
Homer: I love you Pepsi
Pepi: Pepi
Homer: Pepi
(this is paraphrased, I’m sure someone will correct me. Same episode.)
Bart: Will you teach me how to fight?
Homer: First when he comes at you scream “I’m a Hemophiliac”, and then when he turns around, it’s time to kick some neck.
Lisa: Dad you just shot the zombie Flanders
Homer: He was a zombie?
Troy Mclure: I love you Dr. Zauis
And for the record ( and slightly off topic ) my favorite character has to be Gil “oh no, not today, not to Gil” Chesterton. I don’t know why, but he just cracks me up.
“The knee bone’s connected to the something,
The something’s connected to the red thing,
The red thing’s connected to my wrist watch… uh oh.”
-Dr. Nick during Homer’s triple bypass surgery.
Hihihi. 
Burns-
“hmm, eternal happiness for a dollar. ::pause:: I think I would be happier with the dollar.”
Sailor Guy (to person on the phone): “Arr, but I have to go, call me later Ishmael.”
Troy McClure : “But for Mr. Smithers to have shot Mr. Burns, you’d have to ignore all that Simpson DNA evidence…and that would have been truly ridiculous!”
Mr. Burns: “This slackjaw family of troglodytes ruin my chances at being elected and if I were to have them killed, I’D be the one to go to jail…that’s America for you.”
Marge: “How many times can you watch that same cartoon again?”
Lisa: “It’s not a repeat, the ‘Itchy & Scratchy’ producers simply recycled old footage into a new cartoon which, to our trusting young minds looks brand new. ‘Ren & Stimpy’ do it all the time.”
Marge:“Yes they do, and when was the last time you heard anyone talk about ‘Ren & Stimpy’?”
Homer: “Marge! You being a cop makes you the man of the house. And you being the man of the house makes me the woman of the house. And I have no interest in being the woman of the house…except for occasionally wearing your underwear, which AS WE’VE DISCUSSED is simply a comfort thing…”
I could go on and on.
Homer: “What are you going to do, unleash your dogs, or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark they shoot bees at you?”
I dont have the time to read through all of them but heres the good ones:
(Homer drinks a sample of Dishwashing detergent)
Marge: Homer, no! Thats diswasher soap!!!
Homer: Yeah, but what are ya gonna do?
Homer: Mmmm… memo drool
Homer: Awright New York, I’m comin back! But you’re not getting THIS! (Tosses wallet in fireplace)
Homer: Ovulate damn you! Ovulate!!!
Ralph: Mrs. Hoover, my worm jumped into my mouth, and I ate it, can I have another one?
“Americas Funniest Tornados” and “Admiral Baby” -two new shows on Fox’s midseason lineup.
Michigan J. Frog, singing!
“Coming up next on the WB, another bad show that no one will see!”
<Frog slumps, dejected>
“I need a drink.”
Tappa tappa tappa!
Homer: “You know that little flag people put on the antenna that lets them find their car in a parking lot? . . . That should be on EVERY car!”
Jay Sherman: “Your shoelace is untied.”
Renier Wolfcastle: “I know for a fact that my shoelaces ARE tied, but I will bend down for a closer inspection.”
(Renier bends down, stares at shoes. Jay makes his escape. Day turns to night)
Renier Wolfcastle: “On closer inspection, these are loafers.”
Bart: And I’ll take up smoking and quit that.
Homer: I’m so proud of you son. Quitting smoking is one of the hardest things you can do. Heres 10 dollars
Lisa: But he didnt do anything!
Homer: Didnt he Lisa? Didnt he?
My Fav, bar none, was half-quoted. I’ll have to paraphrase the beginning.
Homer sharing with bart, re: Women
Homer: Son, Women are like refrigerators. They’re big, and white, and cold… No wait-a-minute. A woman is more like a beer. They look good, they smell good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one. But you can’t stop at one! You gotta drink another woman. as Homer pounds back a duff, the scene cuts to some time later
Homer: And so I told him, you make me wanna RETCH… homer passes out snoring
I have to go put my guts back in now.
Regards,
Jai Pey
Grandpa: You blame me for everything around here! ‘Who threw a cane at the TV?’ ‘Who put slippers in the dishwasher?’ ‘Who fell into the china hutch?’
Homer: Aw…! Three hours in the car with that boring old windbag!
Grandpa: …and that’s what’s wrong with Bart’s generation! Now as for your generation…
Homer: You have to kill the HEAD vampire!
Lisa: YOU’RE the head vampire?
Marge: No, I’M the head vampire! [cackle]…Well, I do have a life outside this house, you know!
does anyone remember the quote where homer is talking to bart about weaseling out of things?
bart-sells-his-soul-to-milhouse episode:
bart: oh man. that cost me five bucks.
lisa: five bucks? where’d you get five bucks? i want five bucks.
bart: i sold my soul to milhouse.
lisa: oh bart. <something about how he shouldn’t have>
bart: well, if you thought he got such a good deal, i’ll sell you my conscience for <some amount>. i’ll even throw in my sense of decency. it’s a bart sales event. everything about me must GoOOoo!
lisa: you know…pablo neruda says that laughter is the language of the soul.
bart: i am familiar with the works of paublo neuruda.
lisa: …mom’s soul. and dad’s soul. and maggie’s soul. and all that all teh SOULS in Christendom…
bart: ah! i can’t take this anymore. (gets up and runs out of moe’s)
homer: wait. bart. your spaghetti and moe-balls.
homer’s brain: shut up fool. they could be ours.
homer: run boy. run for (spits spaghetti and moe balls a bit) your life…(pause)…boy.
knock on the door
grandma van houten: a caller? at this hour? you dial 9-1 and when i say to, dial 1 again.
milhouse: bart, it’s 2am. i can’t play now.
bart: <something about wanting his soul back>
milhouse: <something like “but you sold it to me”>
mr vanhouten: milhouse give him his soul. i have work in the morning.
grandma vanhouten: shut the door. you’re letting the heat out.
i will add that the “tripe” episode…already mentioned…with the national beef council…is FULL of good lines.
all teh sideshow bob episodes are good…well, the “brother” one was weaker but…
and teh duff gardens, “i am the lizard queen”, “can’t talk. comin’ down” episode is probably my favourite.
Homer: “Operator, quick give me the number for 911!!!”
Chief Wiggum: “Sorry you’ve got the wrong number, its 91-2”