Ralphisms
“singing I beat the smart kids! I beat the smart…falls on top of Star Wars figures Ow! I bent my wookie”
“My cat’s breath smells like cat food.”
After a rat runs away w/his father’s skeleton key “The pointy kitty took it!”
“Your toys are fun to touch, Bart! Mine are all sticky”
Ralph rules! He is the best supporting Simpson of them all.
Ralph: “Me fail English? That’s um-possible!”
Ralph pointing to a shirtless Homer: “Look Daddy! That man has bosoms like Mommy!”
Chief Wiggum: “Yeah, don’t I wish!”
Ralph: “Oh boy, sleep! That’s where I’m a Viking!”
Ralph helping to excavate the shopping mall angel.
Ralph: “It’s a spearhead!”
Miss Hoover: “That’s your trowel blade, Ralph. It fell off the handle.”
Ralph: “And I found it!”
There’s a website that calls him “Remedial Genius”, which I think is very fitting.
Three of my all-time favorite episodes that have yet to be mentioned:
The Itchy and Scratchy Movie
“Homer, do you want him to be chief justice of the Supreme Court or a sleazy male stripper?”
“Can’t he be both, like the late Earl Warren?”
“Earl Warren wasn’t a stripper!”
“Now who’s being naive?”
The Firm (the episode where Grampa writes for I&S and homer goes back to high school)
“Didn’t you wonder why they were giving you checks for doing absolutely nothing?”
“I figured cause the democrats were back in power”
Teacher: “We can see from the bright flame that this was an unusually sweet donut”
Homer: “This is not happening!!!”
Marge Vs. The Monorail
“I’ve heard those things are awfully loud”
“It glides as softly as a cloud”
“Is there a chance the track could bend?”
“Not on your life, my Hindu friend”
“What about us braindead slobs?”
“You’ll be given cushy jobs”
“Were you sent here by the devil?”
“No good sir, I’m on the level”
“The ring came off my pudding can”
“Take my penknife, my good man…”
“Donuts… is there anything they can’t do?”
(perhaps my all time favorite line:)
“Homer, there’s someone here who thinks he can help you”
“Is it Batman?”
“No, it’s a scientist”
“Batman’s a scientist”
oh, and one other question… DO YOU WANT TO SEE MY NEW CHAINSAW AND HOCKEY MASK???
I remember another one! My favorite actually…
Lisa and Bart- DAD! we did something very wrong
Homer- did you wreck the car?
Lisa and Bart- no
Homer- did you raise the dead?
Lisa and Bart- yes
Homer- but the car is ok?
I LOVED the Hullabalooza episode!!! What really got me was when Homer was talking to Billy Corgan and the rest of the Pumpkins and Billy said “Homer, you’re so lucky to have family. All we have are our hoards of fans, platinum records, and millions of dollars. Hey! Let’s go buy fur coats!”
I just saw the Tomacco episode for the first time last night…“Aw Marge, the inbred rednecks were right!” Hee hee hee I love that show…
More Simpsons
I just saw this episode. Hope no one has quoted it yet. Actually, this is not an exact quote. I watch the show in Spanish and am translating from what was probably an inexact translation to begin with. Thus total accuracy should not be expected, but the spirit of the joke should be easily conveyed.
Bart and Lisa arguing, Homer enters the room:
Homer (exalted tone on): Break it up you little brats.
Lisa: But dad, we were discussing who loves you the most.
Homer (blushing): Oh, you were. O.K. You can go on then.
Discussion ensues:
Bart: You love him more.
Lisa: No, you love him more.
Bart: No, you do…
Made me laugh my ass off.
BTW, needspeed That Lou Gehrig line is awesome. Do you recall which episode was it in?
Amen! Deep Space Homer!
(singing) When you’re down and troubled
And you need a helping hand…
My favorite Ralphism:
“When I grow up, I’m going to Bovine University!”
I’m probably in the minority on this, but I think most of the new episodes are twenty minutes of lame humor with two minutes of comedy gold. Even worse, it seems that all the reruns they’re showing on weekdays are the same “newer” episodes. AAAAAAAAAAGGGHHH! People have already mentioned some classic epsidoes, like the monorail (“I call the big one Bitey”), Mr. Burns’ baseball team (“New York, eh? I heard somebody got murdered in New York and they never found the killer.” “But hundreds of people of people get murdered in New York every year!” “You just don’t know when to keep quiet, do you, Sax?”), and Itchy and Scratchy Land (“Searing Gas Pain Land?”). What was the one where Homer had to give up swearing? After stepping on a nail, Homer says “Tweedly-dee - that will require a tetanus shot.” I could go on and on forever.
Homer: “Me lose brain? Uh-oh.”
Okay, I’ll stop now.
The doctor said my nose wouldn’t bleed so much if I’d just keep my finger out of there.
Ralph (on the roof): Mr. Simpson, these tar fumes are making me dizzy.
Homer (in hammock): Yeah, they’ll do that.
I just thought of another great episode, the halloween one where Bart is on the bus.
Bart: Otto-man, there’s a gremlin on the side of the bus.
Otto looks out the window and see Hans Moleman driving a gremlin: Hey your right, I’ll fix that.
Runs Hans off the road.
Grandpa Simpson, rambling about Shelbyville:
“I wore an onion on my belt because it was the style at the time”
I don’t know why, but that just cracks me up.
This has to be one of the funniest episodes ever.
(Flashback to 1970’s Radioactive Man show)
The villian is a questionable guy who calls himself the Scoutmaster.
Every time someone gets hit, they have some ridiculous words appear like “BORT”, “NEWT” or “MINT”.
Also, there’s a reference to Waterworld where Radioactive Man & Fallout Boy are trapped in a giant birdcage of “Aquaworld”.
And the Estonian stunt-double trying to pass himself off as Milhouse at school to get his citizenship… ha, too funny.
The Valentine epsiode where Ralph gets the valentine card from Lisa and says;
“You choo choo choose me and it has a train on it”
Ralph is the best character ever!
“me fails english? That’s unpossible!”
Napsy, you’re right. I wait and wait for 5:30 to roll around and flip on The Simpsons only to see some crappy episode from last season. Sigh and change the channel. Out of the three times a day they play it, they could show some of the more ‘classic’ episodes.
Ah! Another favorite of mine!
(On the boat ride)
Bart: I dare you to drink the water
Lisa (looking down at the greenish fluid the boat ride is sailing on): I don’t think it is water…
Bart: Bauk-bauk-ba-BAWK!
Lisa: Bart, stop it!
Selma: Bart! Stop teasing your sister! Lisa! Drink the water!
(When Lisa is found tripped out on the water)
Park employee (handing pills to Selma): Give her some of these… a few of these… oh, and some of these
Selma: Thank you, doctor
Employee: Oh, I’m not a doctor…
(Bart is trapped on the rollercoaster)
Selma: Can’t you do something!
Surly, the Duff Beer Bottle: Hey! Surly looks out for one person: Surly!
Selma: Sorry, Surly…
I second the Dustin Hoffman episode, but I think the best one-liners came from the one where the Flanderseseses adopt Bart, Lisa, and Maggie.
Homer gains 61 pounds to qualify for disability, just so he can get out of going to Mr. Burn’s exercise program.
Chairman: Dr. Nick, this malpractice committee has received a few complaints against you. [reads from clipboard] Of the 160 gravest charges, the most troubling are performing major operations with a knife and fork from a seafood restaurant.
Riviera: But I cleaned them with my napkin.
Chairman: Misuse of the cadavers.
Call me juvenile, but my favorite part of that episode is when Lenny and Carl drop a pencil down Homer’s ass. hehehe.
This thread makes me want to watch the Simpsons…sigh…
Monorail
Nimoy:Well my job is done.
Barney:But you didn’t do anything.
Nimoy:Didn’t I? (beams up)
Homer in Space
Something about Kent Brockman accepting his new ant leaders tickles my funny bone.
That was odd. Should have previewed first.
Nimoy: Didn’t I?
Simpsons in New York:
Bart spots some Orthodox (Hasidic? I know not) Jewish men on the sidewalk: “Hey, look! It’s Z Z Top! You guys ROCK!”
Reply: “Well, maybe just a little.”
;j