Give him the action figures back. Give him ANYTHING back that he’s given you. We’re talking stalker potential here.
It seems to me to be a clear case of harrassment, and the supervisors have already noticed his behavior. Go to the
supervisor(s) who told him to leave you alone and get back to work, and the matter should quickly end.
Without justifying his behavior, on the other hand, you can’t be willfully blind to the fact that most of us guys are dense that way, some worse than others. Any person who is outgoing and has a good sense of humor is likely to be perceived as attractive on many levels, not just sexual. At the same time it makes the person appear easier-going, so that in your case, Spark The Schmuck thinks he has a shot.
A lot of the shyness that some males experience arises out of the fear of being like Sparky.
Do you find that you are also annoyed by female would-be friends, whom you don’t like?
And none of those things make the guy evil or worthy of scorn.
They do certainly add up to a guy with a crush, but unless you had already made it clear to him (by which I mean telling him) that you had no interest, I see no cause to demonize the guy.
Tell me, if this guy were someone you were interested in and he did these things, would they still creep you out?
All I’m saying is that I don’t understand all the vitriol directed at the guy for the crime of being attracted to you.
You have told him (now) that you are not interested in him and never will be. See if that doesn’t solve your problem. I’m betting it does.
Everything he’s tried to give me I’ve refused,nicely.
Why I’m so angry is because he eavesdropped on a PRIVATE conversation,decided he has the right to judge somebody he doesn’t know,and has even harassed my friends after I told him I was not attracted to him.As stated before, I was very clear and concise when I told him-there was no room for any other interpretaion of what I said.
I feel bad that he misinterpreted my behavior but it’s not my fault. I refuse to change how I am because one idiot thinks it means I want to be with him.
Spoke: Read the OP again. She has told him “no” every step of the way.
The only difference is, she’s no longer being nice about it.
And I mean, really, telling her “Hey, I know you’re talking to someone else that you like, but he’s over there, and I’M over here, and I’ll take care of you” after being refused repeatidly is juvenile and tacky. To say the least.
hardygrrl, I’m afraid I haven’t been entirely clear. I am not attempting to defend this guy. I agree he seems to have crossed the line. I just object to the way the discussion was framed from the beginning. spoke seems to at least partly understand what I’m driving at, although he/she didn’t catch just how persistent the guy has been.
I think I’ve made my point as well as I am able, so I’ll stop flogging this dead horse now.
Lizard
Maybe reverse psychology would work… tell him you love him and want hot monkey sex with him. Maybe he will chicken out and leave.
Or you can tell him you were born a man.
Or last but not least…hire a hooker to go out on a date with him and then pay her to sleep with him. The next day you tell him you could never been with a guy who sleeps around. Or maybe just take a bunch of pictures of it and black male him.
In any case, im glad this is you and not me.
Lizard-sorry I was so bitchy. I see your point but this is such an aggravation…
-spoke…There’s a big difference between a gift given just because vs a gift given with the expectation of getting something in return.
Case in Point-Ages ago I started a thead in MPSIMS about how I had girly moments and wanted someone to give me flowers. I received endless virtual bouquets from male Dopers-all with subtle/not so subtle hints about flirting and/or cybering. Except for SP. He just emailed me saying he’d give me flowers just to know hey’d make me smile and not expect anything in return.::VBG::
First off, hardygrrl, what you’re describing is definitely over the line, especially in a work environment. I don’t care how many “signals” you’re sending, the statement “your attentions are unwelcome” should be sufficient.
It hasn’t been, apparently, and now I would take the actions reccommended by tomndebb and others to nip it in the bud immediately. These things can tend to spiral out of control if left alone. I speak from one very memorable personal experience.
Secondly, and I mean no offense, but this…
…is the oldest trick in the book!
Send him a link to this thread.
I agree, hardygrrl, that your would-be stalker 
is a dork, but having been confused more than once (and treated very rudely by girls - notice he didn’t say women - even more often when I WASN’T flirting) I think everyone needs to lighten up just a tad. No, really. Enough with the 2x4 jokes. Sheesh. Yep, he needed extreme prejudice to get him to go away, but its depressing to see how fast everyone gives generic advice involving battering the dude, literally or figuratively. Come on, folk, not EVERY lovesick moondog is a potential rapist. Stuff that PC crap away for a minute and LIGHTEN UP. Our culture is sorely lacking in any consistent conventions for interaction between the sexes, let alone wooing (did he say “wooing”?). If guys don’t get to be the putz-in-control role, we need a better definition of what we ARE supposed to be. Lemme tell you, sometimes it feels like a minefield! My kingdom for politeness once in a while!!!
NOW, I didn’t say you were wrong. I am just wishing for more courtesy from everyone, and for SOMEONE to finally come up with a better set of guidelines for guys that don’t just make women laugh all the harder…
I know it’s a bit late in the day to add to this thread but…
Every woman should read The Gift of Fear, by Gavin DeBecker. It wouldn’t be a bad idea for men to read it too, but definitely women. At any rate, when discussing situations like the one Hardy is in, he says, “If you tell someone you don’t want to talk to them, you are talking to them.” Later he says, “If he leaves 37 messages on your answering machine, and you finally pick up on the 38th, all that tells him is that it takes 37 tries to reach you.”
Don’t respond to him. Not a word. No stagey ignoring; he’s just not there. Ask your officemates to brush off his interrogations: “I can’t help you,” or something noncommittal like that. People with his mindset will take anything, anything, as an encouragement.