I don’t think this contributes to the gripe the OP has, which sounds legit to me. But I want to confess I roll on the carpet and wrestle with my dog on occasion. The dog enjoys it, it’s fun for both of us, and it continues to condition the dog to be safe and predictable for those occasional close encounters with little kids. The dog understands how to maintain reasonably gentle behavior, even when 'rassling around.
I wouldn’t do this in front of anyone however, and certainly not a new girlfriend. (Although I might have the balls to admit this conduct under the anonymity of a message board on the internet.)
Yup … well, you’d get a second chance anyway!!! … versus a guy who says “My pet hog is sick but I’m not going to bother to change my schedule and take it to the vet.” The second guy doesn’t get a second chance! He’d leave an animal alone in distress? … no thanks!!
IMO the welfare of animals, children, elderly parents etc should come before “entertainment”. Of course pet hoarder extremes are unhealthy! But as Alice the Goon demonstrated so well, it’s just a helpless being that someone has taken responsibility for and that has consquences.
When I’m dating I make it quite clear, upfront, that I’m an animal person … I’m not offended if someone chooses not to date me because of that, it is no more judgemental than not liking my taste in music! And I would rather be single than with someone who does not understand that going to the vet outweighs a date!
Well, 44 yr old single woman that I am, I likewise can’t stand those who consider and treat their pets like children. Give me a BREAK! I HAVE children and I have and have had pets…as much as I have loved certain non-human animals in my life, I would have gladly thrown any of them in front of an oncoming train rather than cause injury to my kids.
As a widow, I have had a few say something along the line of , “I know how you feel…my cat/dog died a while back.” :mad:
Oh, yeah, same sort of thing…my spouse of 23 yrs and your fucking DOG! :rolleyes:
I currently have a cat, an old, sick kitty I took in years ago as a stray and moved with us across country…I am going to have her put down next month (as soon as I can afford it). She is senile and incontenent and a misery to both herself and everyone else. She gets on the counters, the table, the stove and looks puzzled when I cast her down, shits all over the house, stinks, and yowls loudly enough to wake the neighbors if we put her outside. I honestly hate her and am plotting her death as I write. Not her fault, but that is beside the point.
As much as I DO love dogs and cats and other critters overall (and they are drawn to me like iron to a magnet) I have vowed to never again own a free-roaming mammal. I don’t need the hair, the messes, the expense, the responsibility, any of the hassle.
If I am going to put all that forth, I want more in exchange than cuddling. Nope, only free roaming mammals I will ever “own” from here on are my kids and possibly a free-range adult male. 
When my late DH and I got together, I had a cat and she was used to sleeping on my bed at night. He replaced her and tossed her off whenever she jumped in. We came home one day to a huge pile of doo-doo in the dead center of our neatly made bed and HIS record albums in the shelf scratched up and peed on. She made her point, but HELLO KITTY! If it comes down to you or this man I love, you LOSE! You give me nothing that comes close. 
I’m not an animal hater (in fact, I love them so much I don’t EAT THEM) but I would think twice about getting involved with a MAN who had pets he treated like a child or was excessively attached to.
There’s a difference though in treating a pet like a child (which to me is over the top) and treating it like a valued friend and/or member of the family.
My critters are NOT my kids. I didn’t WANT kids, still don’t. They are however, precious members of my family, and my dear friends. I recognize the fact that they are not human - in fact, that’s what I value. I like the fact that I can put the dog out in the pen for the day, and then come home to a happy dog. I like the fact that I can leave for a weekend and leave my cats with food and water and a daily 10 min check from a friend, and the cats are fine and dandy with it. My critters are no more messy or stinky than your average toddler, they don’t have tantrums, and are in some (many?) ways easier to care for than certain adult male humans I know.
Not everyone loves animals the way I do, that’s fine. I prefer the company of animals to that of most people, and I’m not alone in that I’m sure. People have let me down, badly, the critters haven’t. I adore my husband, but if he were abducted by aliens tomorrow I would be in NO hurry to find another. I would happily embrace my crazy catlady staus 
Just please recognize that animal lovers are not necessarily, by definition, nucking futz. In return I promise not to roll my eyes at those addicted to fan fiction, or football, or porn, or WoW/DnD, or Farmville, or any other all consuming passion.
You had my sympathy until I got to this point.
There’s no dishonor in not being a very animal oriented person, but you should definitely treat this as something of a deal-breaker - maybe not on the first date, but certainly as a consideration of a long-term relationship. If you have gotten to the point with three different women where they believed there was a chance of a long-term relationship with you then either you weren’t communicating your level of emotional involvement very well, or you’re getting a few more nutcases than you should be statistically and maybe you need to find out why you’re selecting for that.
It’s really simple.
Meet someone. Have conversation. Allergic to cats? Don’t like cats?
I’m a shelter worker, a couple extra animals around is a hazard of the profession.
Don’t care about animal welfare? Not a vegetarian or at least sympathetic to the ideal?
Well, it was nice to meet you!
I just don’t see the point in wasting my time and yours beyond the first meeting. Even a fuck-buddy has to meet the above criteria, or he’s not getting past my front door. Life is easy that way.
Okay, I can understand why the OP’s tone may have somewhat come across as a bit snarky, but I have to defend him a bit. Even though I am a pet lover, I know exactly the sort of person he’s talking about.
I have a maiden aunt, she’s in her 70s and since I’ve known her (I’m cough51coughcough :)), she’s had a series of small dogs, usually pekes, poms etc. It was the rule in her house that you were supposed to carefully step around, or over and be extra careful to let the dogs have the right of way, so to speak. It was always “Watch out for Snuff Snuff!!!”. In my house, my “snuff snuff” gets booted (gently) out of the way if she lingers underfoot, especially if she’s in the way!
I last visited her around 7 or so years ago, and she and her roomie had two of the darned things that they’d not bothered to potty train very well, they’re males and they marked everywhere! The house smelled dreadful.
When you have pets, it’s YOUR responsibility to train them and make sure they behave well around others. So, that said, it does sort of depend upon HOW the person is nuzzling their pet upon greeting them. Is it a “hi! Hi! yes, I know…okay good girl, enough now” pets and greets? And perhaps letting the psycho aussie show off her superior little doggie brain if the guest shows interest? 
Or is it a full on “who’s the bestus babywaby…who is? HEr is oh yes her IS, hers my widdle fluffem snuffems!”? Ick indeed, gives the rest of us a bad name.
Why? As I wrote, I’ve had pets myself, been a regular guest in houses where there are pets, and have successfully dated women long-term who have pets. It’s just the women with no barriers or boundaries who bother me, and it often takes a few dates to find out what’s acceptable and what’s not. I’ve been able, for example, to request that a woman modify certain behaviors (storing her cutting boards where the cats can’t walk across them, for example) but it can take time to work things out–or not. I am growing more wary of dating pet-owners in general, however, as this issue is less easily resolvable than I’d been thinking up til now.
what **Fed up **said.
a love for animals is a deal-breaker for me. i’ve recently learned a hard lesson about men with cat allergy issues - no offense to those out there who have cat allergies. they’re the devil’s spawn of misery. i get that.
that said, you can’t always judge a catlover by their cover, either.
my sister has three cats, two dogs, a husband, two kids, a full-time job, her house is neat as a pin, and she works right alongside me in our local community theater.
i have two cats, my house is neat as a pin, and i work right alongside her at our local community theater.
hmmm. if sis can keep up with all that she has - and she does - i should be able to manage two feline overlords even better. and i do. 
Y’know, there are times on the Dope when I think it’s the least useful, least communicative, most obstinate and self-centered place on the entire Web.
Watching you people purposefully misconstrue each other’s meaning in order to stand on your soapboxes and shout past each other, yeah, this is one of those times. Hell, it’s practically SOP for this place.
This is exactly what I was just thinking. I’ve posted on/lurked on many forums, and I feel like everyone here is actively TRYING to misunderstand each other just so they can voice opinions on extreme points of view. I keep seeing OPs return to their threads just so they can say “No, what I meant was…” when their meaning was obvious in the first place. Don’t be mean, kids.
I don’t see this going on at all. I just see a normal thread where people are discussing and even disagreeing with the OP, but politely and nicely. Did I miss something? Where are you people getting this?
I had gotten the impression (and I would say that most responding have as well) that while you weren’t a pet hater (you don’t go out of your way to kick dogs), you really weren’t a pet person.
The trap I think you’re falling into is that you running into something that is a dealbreaker for you and trying to fix the problem by getting the other person to change. Yes, this is a trap, and it’s a very common one to get caught in. “Yes, they’d be perfect if they would just do this or not do that”. Even if the other person would happily change that one thing, it is most likely an indicator of an underlying pattern of behaviors that will inevitably trip you up.
I mean, it’s one thing if the other person is doing something because a previous partner liked it that way, but it’s a totally different thing if they are doing it because that is the way that they work.
Yes, what you are talking about is a boundary issue, but it isn’t really that you have boundaries and they don’t, it’s that you have different boundaries than they do. That doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with them, or something wrong with you. It just means that they aren’t right for you, and you aren’t right for them.
It doesn’t have to be about pets, either. It could be about the amount of influence their family and friends have on their life, or how much time and energy they put into work, or how they treat strangers.
It’s a balancing act, too. If you have too many or too strict dealbreakers, you end up not finding anyone. If you don’t have any, you end up in an abusive relationship.
You must know different cats than I do. I’ve been quite clearly criticized (and punished) by cats before. And it’s not just cats. God help my fingers if I’m not scratching Cosmo the cockatiel in exactly the way he likes.
+2 points for using the proper “rein” in an Internet post!
Zyada, you read my mind throughout this whole thread. prr, read what Zyada wrote again. Pay very close attention to the part I bolded.
Seriously, running into this situation once is understandable. Twice could be an accident. Three times and well…you have to start wondering whether the only consistent factor in your dating situation is you.
Thanks, no. Just a bad streak–my previous dozen girlfriends were either non-pet people or very reasonable about the boundaries they allowed their pets.
It hurts, doesn’t it?
I see a thread where people are ignoring what the OP actually said and responding from their own baggage - taking it personally when it doesn’t really apply to them. The OP says, “People who are too into their pets aren’t for me,” and everyone is responding with, “I love my pet! You can’t tell me not to love my pet! You suck!”
See, I don’t see that either, I see people somewhat disagreeing with others, but their posts are more for clarifying their own views and getting clarification on others’ views. And yeah, there’s a little bit of defending one’s own beliefs and feelings on the subject, but that happens in most threads where there are differing viewpoints from what I’ve seen.
I never worry about it. Pets or no pets, I know the girl won’t give two flying fucks about me regardless of what critters are crawling around her place of residence. My ability to be a loser knows no bounds.