Fuck off mookie.
This is inappropriate in MPSIMS. If you have a problem with another poster, take it to the Pit.
twickster, MPSIMS moderator
mookie, don’t hijack the thread. You’ve got your own thread for talking about your issues with depressions. I recommend that you go read that thread and respond to the people who have commented in it.
twickster, MPSIMS moderator
This is such a wonderful example of a phenomenon that I have heard of called Fundamental Attribution Error. What you’re saying is that these women you’ve run into are having problems because of their behavior, but you are having problems because of bad luck in running into several in a row.
Also, neither Duke nor I were talking about your “bad streak” of meeting women who were a little too pet-friendly. We’re talking about how you’ve had three separate women think that your relationship with them was close enough to become POSSLQs when it wasn’t. That’s not bad luck, that’s bad communication. Unless you tell me every one of them wanted to move in after the second date!
You know, I don’t think you’re the appropriate relationship-counselor for me, but thank you just the same.
I’m not sure anyone here is the appropriate relationship counselor for you, but that hasn’t stopped ya in the past, right?
pseudotriton ruber ruber I think the single ladies with pets on the SDMB dislike you immensely now. Admitting that you find single women with pets to be a little nutso on a forum full of single women with pets, is incredibly brave(or foolish).
Sheesh I don’t know what that pseudotriton ruber ruber guy is on about. I totally LOVE cats and dogs and ferrets and squirrels and any other animals any single, attractive, woman may have. In fact I think you all should just PM me so we can talk about it.
It’s one of the truly fundamental design flaws in the world that men who have a fetish for being clawed during sex or love filthy kitchens are so rare compared to animal haters.
Lack of love for dogs is an absolute dealbreaker for me. I have not lived for a single day on this earth without a dog since I was 21 years old, and it is my intention to never do so. I am completely and unabashedly at ease with my desire and need to have dogs, I am fully aware that they are almost certainly functioning as replacements for the children I never had (and never wanted to have - very important). They enrich my life beyond measure.
I am not the sort to anthropomorphize them, because I love them for exactly what they are, I don’t want them to be anything other than dogs.
If any man rejects me because of that, it’s very clear that he’s absolutely not the right person for me to be in a relationship with. Nor am I the right person for him.
No problem for anyone that I can see.
(Although I can see feeling a major sexual connection and being bummed about the animal issue… but I’ll just go to his house.)
And so you are completely ignoring the fact that the guy has had 12 other dates previously, none of which had that problem? You’re the one saying that it was pure luck. His communication skills are bad, but those 12 times he luckily found someone he was compatible with.
It seems you are committing what I’ve heard called the random fallacy–the assumption that multiple occurrences in a row cannot be random. Random doesn’t work that way: it has clumping. While it may be useful to look at yourself and make sure you aren’t causing the problem, it is not good to make the assumption that it must be so.
And then there’s the question that, if he’s found 12 people with whom he’s compatible with using his method, why, even if your assumption is correct, should he change it for 3 misses? That’s still better than most people do.
Only the ones who are incapable of reading the OP for comprehension. Not really a great loss.
As has been repeated several times, he only finds those who spend too much time with their pets to “be a little nutso.” And, even then, he couched it very well in terms of what he likes in a female companion, without saying anything bad about the women he doesn’t like.
I’m looking forward to some gay guy saying he doesn’t like to date guys who act like they are straight, and getting chewed out thinking all gay guys are femmes (or whatever the current term is).
Define too much time.
That’s the problem; what in one person’s mind is a normal amount of daily interaction with their critters may be well off someone else’s scale of “normal”.
Look at the OP. I’m saying that if you (not “you, personally,” though you’re bound to draw that conclusion, if you choose to) have a pet and want a guy, there are guys like me who think you allow your pet(s) to walk all over your life (in some cases literally) and give them so much room (literally) and so much of your time and energy, etc., that we’re inclined to walk away, leaving you mystified and perhaps miffed. My exact incendiary words were “think about it.” If you’ve thought and rejected it, I’m cool with that. Maybe it doesn’t apply to you. Maybe you’re happy with twelve cats and no guy in your life. Maybe you ENJOY cat hair in every breakfast bowl, and don’t mind preparing food on surfaces where cats have walked with their feet fresh from the litter box. But some guys do, and rather than bawl you out for your lifestyle, simply choose to decline further invitations to share your life with them.
I’m NOT saying I’m right, and women with pets are wrong–I’m simply saying that this may be an issue of incompatibility that pet owners may not be aware of, accustomed as they are to thinking of their lifestyle choices as “perfectly normal and totally unobjectionable.” But thanks for all the psychobabble about what you think is wrong with me–I’ve filed it in the appropriate place. It is interesting to me how many Dopers (the vast majority) have expressed some sharp boundaries in the IMHO poll I took, contrary to the main theme here, which seems to be “Kitties Uber Alles” (literally). I was pleasantly surprised to find that most pet owners according to my poll DO restrict their pets from certain parts of the house (bed and kitchen and furniture) while the people who give their pets unrestricted access are in the minority. Kinda restores my faith in people, and tells that I have just been running into some bad luck lately, as I’ve tried gauging just what rules my recent women have in place and finding to my dismay that they just have no rules, or don’t enforce their rules, or don’t give a shit at my discomfort with their household rules.
I’m not sure how
equals psychobabble.
But hey, your life, your parameters. No skin off my nose. Besides, I’m already married - to a guy who brought cat #10 into our house, and told me to go ahead and get another horse 
It’s not. There was some earlier psychobabbling. I agree that one person’s normal is another’s abnormal. That was kinda my point.
Three dogs, two cats and assorted fish. No wonder I can’t get a date. Thanks for solving that mystery for me. Or could be that at 40+, there just aren’t that many single guys I want to date and I’d sooner spend time with my dogs. Kinda sad, eh?
For the record, I do train my dogs and compete with them, so they’re well-mannered, though still dogs.
Not liking pets is a deal-breaker for me. How a man treats animals is a huge indication of the kind of person he is.
I’m trying to figure out where you’re coming from. Now, I’m talking about finding yourself in a relationship where the other person thinks you would be willing to live with her(or him). I can only see that happening a couple of different ways - either the other person is a fruitcake that wants to move in after the second date, or you’ve been in the relationship long enough to have an idea as to whether you want to continue the relationship in the long term. A third possibility, I suppose, is that you just aren’t interested in a long-term relationship of any kind, and wouldn’t consider moving in with anyone.
Am I missing something here? I don’t see any indication that the actual offers of co-habitation were surprising, so I think that he must have at least considered the possibility before it came up. Which means that the relationship(s) must have continued for some time. Which, from my perspective, means that he had been choosing to spend time with these three women after he realized that they lived their life in a way that he was uncomfortable with. When you’re making informed choices, that’s not “random”. Again, maybe I’m missing something; maybe only one of them wanted him to move in.
IMNSHO, being in a good relationship is not a random event. Those who are in a good relationship work at it, and often work at finding a good person to be with.
Please note that I would not want to live with these women (and I’m a slob!).
FTR, I was in a number of bad relationships before my current one. After each, I tried to determine what I did that I could have done better. In my marriage prior to this one, I was exposed to what is being called “psychobabble”, and was able to identify the patterns that were (was?) getting me into these bad relationships. When I ended that relationship, I found Bob. We’ve been together for 10 years, married for nearly six, and anyone who has met us knows we’re still nauseatingly in love after all this time.
To be fair, he couldn’t have been that compatible with them (unless he’s a black widow or awfully unlucky).
I’ve always been annoyed by women who own dogs and rent an apartment. Countless times I’ve heard women complain that they have to move, and nobody will allow dogs. NO SHIT! Nobody wants your smelly, barky, bitey and otherwise destructive dog living in their apartment.