Wow thanks (most of you) for the feedback. Poysyn I used to live in Winnipeg, before I moved to Vancouver to marry the ex. Hmm, miss those days, but family is here and now my house.
Couple of things… Im in school only part time, and my student loans went in collections (long story there, but whatever Im paying back now) so no relief there. I don’t HAVE a credit card…interesting the bank that lent me just over 100K to buy a house won’t let me have a credit card with a $500 limit…and I was never this broke until the last two months with the new bills from a new house and a few smaller paychecks. I was managing --hell I saved over 10 grand in 18 months! And yeah, I went over budget on Christmas. My kid is three, I have my own house. I cooked, I decorated, I bought presents for the people in my life who are good to me. I spent too much, but how did I know I was going to be off work for a week right after?) The budget is tight, but I see that it becomes managable in two or three months when I’ve caught up. If I dont have 160 for hydro Im paying 120. Im managing. Im putting 25 dolllars a month into a registered education fund, and Im putting 50 into my RRSP. Its not how much, its that Im doing it.
I do have a will and POA and guardianship for my son in place. The ex cannot inherit. I just can’t find him to get a divorce. I found the family law centre that will do it for $1090, on 4 equal payments, and add an extra 170 if I don’t have an address. I can’t afford the payments RIGHT NOW, but its going to happen.
My finances are just a source of worry thats hitting a bit more because its the end of the month. I really don’t mean to dwell, I should have a raise(few cents/hour) in a few weeks and a larger increment (over a dollar) in April. Mostly Im still ranting after talking to the fucking resource teacher at my (subsidized but dammit, I make “too much” money so my co payment is killing me… this went up as of December 1…another new expense in the last two months) day care…
The “ISSUES” concerning foolieboy’s toileting. The ISSUES of “self care deficits”
I have "ISSUES with this “resource teacher”
Last fall in a meeting with her (and not with his regular teachers… she drops by his daycare two mornings a week) she riffed on his “social delays” and talked about how only children “without the interaction of siblings or two parents” often show social delays. Oh yeah, well how about the fact he couldnt bloody hear until July, and despite my frequent urgings for them to test his hearing, they said “he had a hearing test at birth, that showed up fine” nothing happened until his ear drum ruptured and was repaired. That day he said “Mommy your car is singing” in response to my radio and basically he has talked non stop since then.* Yeah, his playing with other kids was lagging because he couldnt hear and could barely talk*. I have no problems with this, I knew about it, I asked for a consult with the resource teacher because I was concerned he wasnt talking much although he is obviously bright and aware. Yet this woman still mentions “his interaction is limited because he has no siblings”. Ok, well lend me twenty bucks, I’ll get loaded go to the bar and foolieboy can have a sibling in about 40 weeks. (Ah then watch the world line up to condem the single mother spending her time in the bar, two kids by different fathers!)
Today she denied ever having called him socially delayed. I have the “treatment goals” sheet she gave. I quoted her on the sheet. She now claims that the comment was taken out of context. Im sorry, I know interacting with other kids is important. That is part of the reason he goes to daycare instead of just an elderly relative all day. Do I need to spend my free time with him with other kids so he can get more socialization, or can I take him to the library, the book store, do crafts, see dog, flower, car, whatever shows. Teach him how to scramble eggs? (I think his ultimate dream job is to be a short-order cook on a train.)
ARRRGH. Then when Im at work, and I have to split my lunch hour up so I can pick him up at 430 take him to my house and meet the sitter… I get a “Well, when my kids were small I only worked 6 hour night shifts… I went to work after they were in bed, I was home for breakfast and slept when they were at school” ARRRGh, well for one thing I basically fall apart on night shifts, but second of all, and most importantly, the hospital has changed structure and ownership and there aren’t steady 8 hour night positions available at this facility. Sure it might be nice to do that, but this twelve hour day thing is the job I have and Im making the best of it. You get an hour for lunch, I get a half hour at noon and a half hour at 430 and Im not complaining Im appreciating it, because I can get a 15 year old girl for three hours after shool for reasonable rates by doing this, as opposed to more expensive day care from an adult who would pick him up when the daycare closed…
Im at the library and I hear someone bitch about “single moms and their kids”
Im filling out forms at the dentist and when I say no its just me and my son, I get the tight little smile, “oh a single mom.” My new neighbour introduced me to his wife as “the single mom next door”. The comment? Oh, I thought they sold the house, are you renting?
Its the fucking dismissiveness as if single mom=welfare, or my kid has cooties… some weeks it feels like we’re the last group its socially acceptable to descriminate.
Maybe some of it is me, I never wanted this for myself. I avoided all the getting knocked up stuff in my twenties, I always had a plan. I married badly, though and its nobody’s fault but my own. But uh Samm… alot of it I didn’t know, until too late. And there are things that are acceptable when you are dating someone that aren’t when you are trying to parent a child together. Despite my last three years, I cant wish my marriage to foolieboy’s father had never happend, cause I have an amazing child.
Im not single, Im separated. Im looking forward to a divorce. I have a boyfriend who is wonderful, and we talk about marriage some day, but understandably Im gun shy and right now living together isn’t something we…or lets face it…its me…are ready to do.
Sigh.
It feels good letting it out. Most of you are pretty compassionate. Mostly I dont complain. But its been a week, I tell you, and its only Wednesday.