Also wishing you well, and thanking you for courageously sharing your experience here (and introducing me to LeechBlock).
TokyoPlayer– 
Thank you everyone who is wishing me well. It really means a lot.
Thank you for this excellent advice.
Good for you.
Just remember this: The monkey may be off your back, but the circus is still in town.
So: Cultivate a network of supportive recovering friends, and communicate with them.
QtM, sober now for a while.
TokyoPlayer,
I’m wishing you the best of luck, man. I too had my rock bottom, and didn’t realize it; but then a new job prospect came and gave me a goal (alongside a girl that wouldn’t put up w/that drunken sh*t anymore) and I’ve gone on 4 years sober now. I don’t have kids, but my motivation is that I know when the phone rings at 2:AM, I’ll be fine and ready. I don’t have to worry about hangovers anymore (which were getting harsher and harsher), and I won’t have to worry about losing credibility because I showed up to a call with beer on my breath. Yes, before this current job, I was that bad.
This past weekend, I went to a funeral for a dear friend from North Dakota, and “the gang” was all there. It floored 'em that the drunk guy no longer drinks, but I have my “reasons” and they suit me well. People don’t need to know I’m an alcoholic, but it does help that I have a handy reason to tell them why I quit when they first offered me drinks. Hell, I found it’s easy to lie to the Devil. 
Since I quit, I dropped 40 lbs. (keep in mind I’m only 5’6") and am in the best damn shape of my life–and it’s only getting better. I’ve seen a few other employees get into trouble with it, but I’m glad a couple of them found AA like I did.
Good luck, brother. I’m pullin’ for ya, 'cause we’re all in this together.
Tripler
Raisin’ a mug ‘o’ tea atcha.
You never know how low you can go until you’ve been there. I’ve been there. The bottom of my personal hell was something I wouldn’t wish on anybody.
You made your decision for the right reasons. Don’t allow yourself to second-guess them. Make sure you have the support you need, and remember that it does get better. For me, my first four months were nothing short of a nightmare that I thought I’d never wake up from. Now things are totally different, and while I don’t regret what I’ve done I often ask myself what I was thinking. The answer, of course, is that I wasn’t.
1 year, 5 months and 26 days later, I am very much a changed man. I still have a lot to deal with, but I can handle it now instead of deferring it to the bottom of a bottle.
Keep working your program, and good luck. Remember, alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful. Don’t let it get a hold of you again.
:: post snipped ::
My excuse, if anyone bothers to ask, is that I am allergic to alcohol. If they persist I explain that I break out in handcuffs when I drink. YMMV with that particular line.
Slee
I went to an AA meeting yesterday. It was good, not what I had thought it would be. The people were friendly and supportive and a number of people volunteered their phone numbers anytime I needed to talk.
It’s a Sunday morning, I’m just walking up and it feels so good to be a Daddy from the first thing in the morning. Not hung over. I’ve got enough sleep. I’ll go make pancakes with Beta-chan.
Congrats and best wishes for continued sobriety. This means a lot to the people around you, who worry about you and try not to judge and who easily fall into co-dependence. But, in the end, you have to do this for yourself.
One of my favourite things about being sober is waking up early on the weekend and enjoying a cup of coffee while catching up online…with NO hangover. My days are longer because I don’t sleep until noon.
(This is one of the notes that goes in my journal, btw. I love not being hungover.)
Yeah, it’s weird innit? It’s like the bad time travel of blackouts went away, but the good time travel of having more free time appears.
Tripler
I still sleep in, only because I’m not a morning guy anyway.
Tokyo, good on you for making a hard decision. I had an uncle who was what is unfortunately called a “functional” drunk. While he may have been able to work, he certainly wasn’t a functional personality. I never once saw him alert or aware of what was going on. Thankfully he was a kind and gentle drunk, and very tolerant of kids, but I never got to know him as a person.
I’m really very happy for you and your family, and I wish you all the best in dealing with your stressors in less alcoholic manners - there’s lots of options out there, and I’m sure one or more of them will work for you!
Keep it up! You are worth it!
I’m so happy to read this - being a wife and mother I can’t help reading your posts from the point of view of your wife. You are SUCH a good Dad and husband. You have done SUCH a good thing for them and also for you. Stopping drinking was an act of great love towards them and towards yourself!
Congratulations. Keep on.
Congrats TokyoPlayer. I just hit the 6 months sober mark. It gets easier, well it did for me. Hang in there.
I had someone tell me once they broke out in handcuffs and orange jumpsuits.
Funny how becoming a parent suddenly makes it a game changer. I don’t think I’d have the courage if it were just me. Beta-chan is 3 1/2 and is starting to understand the world. It’s time.
Well done mate, keep it going.Everyones cheering you on .
Take it moment by moment and remember your invisible friends from all over the world are all here to help you with internet hugs and ‘been there, done that’ stories.
Thank you everyone. It means a lot.
I’ve been using the Japanese version of antitbuse, and every morning I would measure out 7 ml, raise the cup to eye level and say “My kids have a Daddy, not a drunk.”
And while the anitbuse has gotten me this far, I need to face the underling problems which have been driving me to drink. These sixty days have been good, in that the alcohol is out of my system, and knowing that I can’t drink, I don’t get cravings for it. But the anxieties are fears are still there.
So, I want to try looking straight at them. See who is the bigger man. That ration brain or the fears from the past.
I met a number of really cool people at AA. They could be me. Middle aged businessmen who have looked hell in the eyes and have lived to talk about it. I can relate to these people. It really is nice to hear of others who said the same lies to themselves, all while their worlds collapsed around.
When wine is your woman and beer, your buddy, you have to make a choice between them and your family. And as fun as a cocktail can be, it pales beside that happy squeal of a three-year-old when you come home. Or the quiet satisfaction of being a hero to an 18-month-old.
Again this morning, I measured out the 7 ml, raised the cup and said “My children have a Daddy and not a drunk.”
But today, the cup held nothing more potent than tap water. Today we see if my mind can still win, even knowing that the electric fence is just a farce. Armed with the phone numbers of some people who care about a total stranger, I will walk by that 7-11, think of my children and walk straight home.
Because, you see. I will not be free until I choose to be free. For 50 years, I have been plagued by the demons inflicted from decades ago. I have made progress, and I think this is the next step.
Again, wish me well.
Oh, I do. I do!
One day at a time, buddy. The promises do come true. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
TokyoPlayer, you’re already showing how strong you are.
Keep at it. We’ll be here every step of the way.
-D/a