We will! Having myself someone very near and dear who’s going through the struggle, I can hear what you’re saying. And here’s to the courage to call for help when the rational brain comes under fire.
Congrats, TP, you old-timer!
drop, 43 days
When I got home tonight my wife asked if I had a nice meeting. Considering that the discussion was about taking a personal inventory, with all its introspection and dredging up bad memories, I asked her to define “nice.”
Just don’t drink today. But if you start getting thirsty, pick up the phone before you pick up a drink.
I opened this thread with the intention of posting a rude semi-funny anectdote, but your tale and sincerity quickly killed that idea. Good luck with your endeavor; I know a little about how tough it is to fight the allure of inebriation.
I wonder if the SDMB tech support guys might be able to help a bit by updating your handle. It seems to me you’re no longer a Player in Tokyo, but are moving toward a more responsible pattern of behavior. You’d have to be willing and work with them on the name change, if they’re able to do anything at all, but it might be a nice reminder/affirmation to be signing in to converse with us via a name that conveys your new direction and resolve.
I have no idea how such a change would be initiated.
—G!
(Feeling clueless)
I talked to a guy in AA about stopping the antibuse, and interestingly, he didn’t think it was necessarily a good idea. Of course, that is just one man’s opinion, but it did give me some more to think about.
I see that from your join date that you probably don’t the know the stories of Pough-chan and Beta-chan, and the tremendous support I received from this community.
Poor Ian, a baby born, but not to live. A first son and a first silence. Followed by the one who would never be named. And then Beta-chan who stayed the whole pregnancy by the sheer, collective will of the Dopers worldwide.
You are right, I’m not a player, and it would be embarrassing at my age, even if I wanted.
I’ve thought many times about changing my name, but I also have wanted those who were there to remember Ian Pough.
And several years have passed while I sit undecided.
Would people still remember?
Congratulations, TP! I admire your determination and success. Reading about them gives me encouragement for my struggle to deal with my own Stuff.
And I know that you parents have a hundred times the feeling for your kids as I have for my friends’ kids (I’m kind of an unofficial uncle), and I have very strong feelings for my friends’ kids. I can barely imagine what you must feel…
My counselor told me that he has seen people who let their love for alcohol grow so strong it overwhelms the natural love for children. And that scared me.
I talked to a couple of guys at AA who lost their families because of the drinking. One of them said that he was able to reconnect after the kids are grown, but it’s different.
So, last night a very sober father rocked asleep an exhausted, screaming child, and sang songs for the 30 minutes it took for the little boy to wear himself out. To be a parent is to be there for your children. He won’t remember last night when he’s grown, but hopefully he will retain the trust which I hope to maintain, for trust is earned not awarded.
TokyoPlayer,
Hang in there. . . we’re pulling for you.
I came back into this thread to share this . . . just in case it might resonate.
A week ago I found a book in a thrift store called “Addictive Drinking” by Clark Vaughan (1982, 1995). It was among a bunch of other AA stuff, but is not AA, and when I picked it up and saw how he was addressing “stress” and triggers in the early pages, and how he was talking on the subject with a different kind of tone, I snatched it right up.
So far the information has been immensely helpful to me in understanding my own “addictions” and awareness about my behavior and my issues/triggers with stress.
Since you mentioned your struggles, I just wanted to mention the book in case you’re looking for something to read. I’m sure lots of great books have been written since . . . but the synchronicity here was just worth a mention.
Here’s a link:
May your path be soft during those extra-hard moments,
LH
I remember him every time I hear Negra María, the song whose lyrics I translated in eulogy.
Day Ninety was Saturday, and the for the first time in three months, I really wanted a drink. On Friday, I discovered how bad the finances were. Funny how people can deceive themselves, especially when they don’t want to know the truth.
A phone call to my wife and a meeting with the employee. We’ll continue to go forward for now, but it’s not a pretty sight. And the fault is mine.
There were two days of shock. Feeling of sickness to the stomach to accompany the pain in my heart.
But feeling bad doesn’t help. When you’re up to your ass in in mud, there is only one thing to do: keep moving forward though the muck.
And then there was a small voice whispering her quiet lies. Come take a sip, and I’ll warm you. I’ve give you back your confidence. You can stand tall again, your failures will fade. Your family will respect you and it will make this trip endurable. Just a sip, said the voice and the glass caught my eye. She conjured warm memories of fun from a thousand lives ago.
Who would not be tempted? Is it fun to be beaten up? Do you like to slip and have to fight for air? Who wouldn’t take that helping hand?
But, the voice of reason cleared his throat. No. Remember. Remember the bad with the good. Remember the shame. Remember the hurt. That helping hand belongs to one who is set to push you back.
Run. Run as fast as the tears and mud in your eyes allow. Close them. For when a man feels he is dying, he will grasp at anything to save himself and you cannot allow yourself to see the poison. If you’re not strong, and I am not, then find help.
And in the dingy room, with coffee cups, there were those who could. They can’t carry me, for this trek is mine along, but there is encouragement from listening to those who have crawled through the same junk, and gotten to a better place.
And with tears streaming down these once proud cheeks, the sole good I can think is that tonight, again, there are two precious souls who have a Daddy and not a drunk.
I’ve heard it said as, “If you’re going through Hell, keep going.” Good on you for continuing to do so.
Way to stay strong, TokyoPlayer.
[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer;15082521
And with tears streaming down these once proud cheeks, the sole good I can think is that tonight, again, there are two precious souls who have a Daddy and not a drunk.[/QUOTE]
Once proud? With what you’re going through…you have plenty to be proud of. You are SOBER. That shows an inner strength you can be proud of.
Keep going…you’re doing well.
-D/a
Tokyo Player, best of luck and warm congrats to you. (:
:: sends supporting thoughts and encouragement your way ::
I remember back in the beginning of my sobriety… I was about 2 months in. I was at a friend’s house. I walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge, picked out a beer, popped it open, and had it half-way to my mouth before I realize what the heck I was doing! I put it down and was at a meeting 10 minutes later. Sometimes the little voice doesn’t actually sound in your head… it gets sneaky with you, so keep vigilant.
I’m over 17 years sober now (April 9, 1995). You CAN do it. All these years later, I still try to do at least one meeting a year to remind me of where I once was. I always joke after those meetings, “Those people are SICK!” Life is very, very good now, in more ways than I could ever describe. Hang in there. Your journey is just beginning and it’s a great ride. I and others are here if you need us.
Tokyo, you are stronger than you know. Yes, it is hard work. Very hard work. But if you stop trying, where will you be? You can do this. Do it for others and you’ll be doing it for yourself as well.
You are heading to four months. It’s not far away now.
I haven’t had experience with alcohol dependency, but I hope my well-wishes are helpful, TP. I have known some alcoholics and I hope they are all able to conquer their demons. In a way, I feel like most people get addicted to something, even if it’s not a mood-altering drug. I think we can all learn from the struggle that people go through when trying to battle something like this. And it can also teach us how close we all are to the line and maybe help us learn sympathy and empathy.
I don’t drink alcoholic beverage at all; I never have. But it really bothers me that there’s such a common attitude in our society that celebration, relaxation, and enjoyment cannot be had without alcohol. Why do people need to take a sledgehammer to their inhibitions before they can relate to other people? And why do so many people treat teetotalers with suspicion, derision, or worse? Why should you even need a “reason,” Trip? It’s a sad statement on the world we live in.
I think alcohol is not just a curse to those who are addicted. I think all mood-altering recreational drugs are a curse on our society and interpersonal relationships.
Gambatte TP!
I’m a social drinker (never more than two glasses of anything). So I’m always up for a sober meet!
Good luck fellow expat. ;-))