I was hoping people would take a pass, but you just couldn’t hold it in, could you?
I suppose that is better than if it were liquidy…
I am way too familiar with it. Got diagnosed with stage 3 colorectal cancer, and my gut really didn’t like chemo, for most of 8 months the best description was ‘really oozy oatmeal’ but when the drug changed from oxaliplatin to xeloda it went from regular to intractible straight liquid putting me into the hospital for a week [5 litres of IV a day, with potassium for additional seasoning:smack: on top of all the water and ice chips I could hork down] and the taking of 1 lomotil, 2 4mg hits of immodium and a dose of kaopectate every 6 hours wasn’t doing anything towards slowing it down. <got me rehydrated, sent me home with a case of bags of IV fluids and left my port accessed and polished up mrAru’s mad medical skillz to do my IVs for me, love EMS trained hubby =) > Took finishing the chemo/radiation and going on treatment vacation for 3 weeks to get me to ‘loose blobby’ on the scale.
[personal best mouth to toilet 17 minutes …:eek: Doc didn’t want to believe it, but after not eating anything except medsludge, baked potatoes, potato/egg salad and poached eggs for a week, then eating a salad and 17 minutes later undigested lettuce fragments come slithering out into the commode chair, proof of the 17 minute transit. sigh I really do not miss that at all - I could happily go the rest of my life without diarrhea ever again.]
OK, somewhat off-topic, BUT, I had to submit this. I work in the nuclear power industry, and in an effort to check if anyone has had an “uptake” of uranium in their system, we are subjected to having to provide urine samples on a random basis. If your number comes up, you need to go get a bottle and provide a specimen. This is because the body processes and eliminates uranium through the urinary system, so that’s where it’ll show if you have ingested any. However, other people in the industry work with other compounds that the body eliminates through the gastrointestinal system, so they are subject to providing fecal samples. There is a story about one worker who strongly disliked having to poo in a bottle, so he decided to take revenge in his own little way. Upon receiving notification, he swallowed a handful of uncooked popcorn kernels, then went to bed to let them process through his system. The next morning, he sat down and produced a fecal sample in the provided bottle. You see, he was familiar with the lab routine fro processing such samples: step one is to dry out the specimen by setting it in a paper towel and microwaving it on high for several minutes. The lab personnel were very much NOT amused, and he received a strong reprimand for his actions.
I figured dopers might be amused by this little anecdote.
I have never weighed my poop, but I have weighed myself, pooped, then weighed again. I’ve seen a 4-5 pound difference.
My Yorkie weighs 4lbs. Barely eats. I have to basically push food down her throat. But she poops like a Shetland pony. It’s amazing. I’m not gonna weigh it but sometimes it looks bigger than her.
I see what you did there! 
I never heard of that until after Dave Barry stopped writing his weekly column, or I would have sent the article to him. In the meantime, he HAS written this.
https://www.miamiherald.com/living/liv-columns-blogs/dave-barry/article1928847.html
I used to work at a place that banned microwave popcorn. One can assume, however, that this wasn’t why.
Man, this is good shit. 
Well it does smell a bit.
In reality, the largest human could probably only produce a stool of around 15-16 Courics.
A good deal of that was probably urine – most people also urinate while pooping.
Get the Colonoscopy prep and you’ll find out how huge a pile comes out.
Make sure the plunger is close by.
I’ve had it twice and had impressive results on the throne.
Had to be at least 5 lbs.
My cousin once told me of an incident involving her then eight-year-old(ish) son. He hollered from the bathroom that he’d clogged the toilet, so my cousin headed in, dreading yet another session with the plunger.
Inside the commode she saw a deuce that she claims as as thick as her foot and retained its consistency in width as it circled around the bowl, twice. She wondered how his digestive system could have even produced it, and how it didn’t kill him when he passed it.
*I can’t verify or corroborate this story, since I wasn’t there at the time.
Ba-dump-bump
As a kid I worked in a service station. Bathroom clean up was one of my jobs. Some guy left a turd that was about 2 1/2" diameter and well over a foot long. I had to chop it up.
Not doubting your story - I, too, have done bathroom cleanup in my day, and have seen some impressive shits (usually in the women’s room). But I wonder if the turd hadn’t absorbed some water from the toilet bowl and increased in size between the time it was delivered and the time you saw it?
8"? I cannot remember the last time I had one that short. Decades.
I weighed myself before and after my colonoscopy prep, and the difference was < one pound. Didn’t even register on the scale.
I was bummed. I thought, at minimum, I’d lose a few pounds in exchange for enduring the prep.