Sleep Talkin' Man

“Since when did my underwear look good on you? Take it off. Take it off your face.” (NSFW ramblings of a sleeping man).

I am suspicious of the validity of this (many of those ramblings seem too lucid to be those of a sleeping person) but an early favourite is this - “I haven’t put on weight. Your eyes are fat.”

One time, on the drive from the Baltimore area back to our home in (at that time) western Maryland (approx. 2.5hr drive), my hubby, who was driving, said “So, when I was in 7th grade, I had this teacher who wanted us to write a paper about (some historical event; I don’t recall exactly), so I pulled a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise out of my pocket and started writing on the bread. . .”
At first I thought he was just joking around or something. But when he got to the point about how he was writing about Jesus and His disciples (my husband’s a hard-core atheist), I knew he was asleep. And driving. :eek:

I made him pull over and let me drive the rest of the way.

It’s not the only time he’s talked, somewhat coherently, in his sleep, but definitely the scariest!

One time we were both asleep and he woke me, from a sound sleep, to say “I hate when you do that!”
“Do what?”
“When you make my sandwiches backwards!”
“What are you talking about?” (I thought he was awake!)
“You know; you have the bun, then you put on the mayo and the ketchup and the lettuce and tomato, and then put on the hamburger! That’s backwards, and I hate it!”
“You’re asleep, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, I guess. . .”

To this day, he claims not to recall that conversation! :wink:

I hate those backward sammiches too.