I love home ownership. :rolleyes:
Pull up a comfy chair and a bowl of popcorn, and I’ll tell you why my weekend sucked. Well that’s not right, because that would be an insult to suckiness all togther.
It started yesterday with an exercise in planned bogosity. VWife and I went to Newport News, and bought a bunch of shit; $400 worth of food, tools, and a spur of the moment air conditioner fo the main bedroom. If you’re asking why that’s bad, I’m a tightwad, and I hate plunking down that many bills for anything.
Oh, wait. The bogosity started last Monday, when a semi threw a rock and broke the windshield on the Nerdmobile. I had it fixed on Friday. Luckily, that was a no deductible item on my insurance.
So, when we leave for NN, VWife asks “have you seen my keys?”
Uh, no. The last time she remembed having them was when he gave them to the glass guy so he could move the car. We looked around and in the car, and the usual places in the house. We figured they went home with the glass guy, and the office wasn’t open on Saturday. That put a real damper on the day, because her ring had the only key for the Nerdmobile.
We get home, and a small bright spot. The neighbors in the big white house gave us a bag of fresh figs. They are gooo–oood…
So, the next downer was when I started to clean the attic. I put a trash can at the bottom of the ladder and started pitching crap. The noise scared Maddy so bad that she shook and peed herself. That project ended fast.
This morning it was still and cool, so I decided to try taming a corner of the jungle. Nothing big, just burn off some of the brush out front, and keep it small. A splash of gas and a match and I was in business. Let me tell you, the vegetation is THICK. Thick enough to conceal a collapsed pigpen full of derelict lumber and a couple of chopped up trees; I thought it was only a pile of typical yardwaste tree branches which was out front. Ten minutes after lighting, I had broken my shovel trying to keep it under control, and I had to call the fire department.
So, the fire was out and I caught a raft of shit from my wife. She wanted me to cut some wood to use as shims under a couple of furnture pieces that have always sat funny. OK, I can’t screw this up… :smack:
Wrong, buckos. I tried using a handsaw that was left behind. It was dull and rusty, and wouldn’t cut. I found my saber saw and extension cord, and went about setting up. There’s a power outlet in one of the lean-tos, and I plugged in. As I was walking out, I put my hand on the ladder hanging there, and felt immediate sharp pain. My handhold was on top of a wasp, and the little bastard nailed me. I go inside looking for ammonia to kill the sting, and don’t find any. Damn. I head to the kitchen sink to run some cold water on it, and realize I’m getting lightheaded. Wow, I better it down…
I never made it. I woke up on the floor beside the fridge, with the dog licking my face and VWife having a conniption fit. I’ve always been a wuss when I get hurt, and with my recent low blood pressure problems, that’s the first time I ever truly keeled over.
I spent the rest the day mowing, figuring that would keep me out of trouble. My ribs hurt, but are not broken; just bruised. Found the keys, too. The dog took and hid them with some of her toys…
: It was delicious.