To be truthful, I didn’t spend much time watching this one, so here’s the short, short version of what happened:
Lana: “Oh, no! Someone tried to kill me again! It’s a terrible shame I was naked, all wet in the shower, and not dressed for the occasion.”
Her Boyfriend, the Ex-Football Coach and Student-Dater: “I’ll save you! Oh, no, you’re naked and probably dead, yet I seem to be hesitating instead of actually, you know, helping you. Wait, did I say you were naked?”
Commercials…
The Sheriff: “Yes, the whole town knows Teleporta has these extraordinary powers, yet we’re all so blasé about it that it proves our small Kansas town is open to all kinds of cultures. Even if we did kick the ass of our sole black character the way of Topeka last season. Also, how’s my hair? It’s grown longer since the last time you saw me.”
Clark: “My girlfriend (Teleporta) didn’t do it!”
The Sheriff: “How do you know she didn’t do it?”
Clark: “Because my whine rings with truth. And I love her! I love her so much that it’ll be a shame when she dies!”
The Sheriff: “She’s going to die? That is a shame. The world is a lesser place without those wonderful, perky boobies of hers.”
A moment of silence descends as they both mourn the booby-loss.
The Sheriff: “Anyway…”
Clark: “Yeah.”
Later…
Lana’s Boyfriend: “Oh my god! Someone tried to kill me by strangling me with a scarf.”
Clark: “Death by bad fashion?”
Lana’s Boyfriend: “Arrgh! The green glowing rocks have turned a shunned student into a scarf monster!”
Clark: “Don’t be stupid.”
Lana’s Boyfriend: “Did you see the episode with the bug boy?”
Clark: “Right. Scarf monster! Ahhhhhhh!!!”
The Sheriff: “Well, it’s certainly not Teleporta. She was with me at the time. In a room. Alone. Just the two of us. Alone. In a room. Two. Us. A. Lone.”
Clark: “What are you trying to say?”
The Sheriff: “It’s a scarf monster! Ahhhhhh!!!”
Later…
Lois: “Um, I’m here hanging out at the high school because the frats are throwing a party at THE COLLEGE.”
Chloe: “I’m sure glad the high school allows non-students to just come hang out during the week. That’s very cool of them.”
The Scarf Monster: “Hi! I’m a random boy walking the halls of this high school. Lois, wanna go on a date?”
Lois: “No.”
The Scarf Monster: “Right. I’ll pick you up at 8:00”
Later…
Teleporta: “I can’t believe Clark doesn’t believe I’m not the Scarf Monster. I’ll show him I’m sane by revealing his powers to someone.”
Chloe: “Who’s got powers?”
Teleporta: “Clark.”
Chloe: “Really? I mean, really?”
Teleporta: “Yes.”
Chloe: “You’re probably going to die this episode. You know that?”
Teleporta: “Yes.”
Chloe: “It’s a shame about your boobies.”
Teleporta: “Yes.”
Chloe: “Wanna go in this room together and be alone?”
Teleporta: “Yes.”
Later…
Lois: “I’m so glad, Scarf Monster, that you took me to this museum on our date. Why are you evil?”
Scarf Monster: “I’m unhappy because of some vague tragic background.”
Lois: “That’s sad.”
Scarf Monster: “I know. But I’m not really a Scarf Monster. I’m a Confetti Monster. I only used the scarf to hide my true self.”
Lois: “You really turn into Confetti?”
Confetti Monster: “Yes, but you don’t know that.”
Lois: “I don’t?”
Confetti Monster: “No. SkipMagic is making some of this up because he really wasn’t paying attention.”
Lois: “Okay, I gotta jet. Need to tell Clark.”
Confetti Monster: “Cool.”
Lois: “Cool.”
Confetti Monster: “So, um… no good-bye kiss?”
Lois: “Confetti Monster! Ahhhhh!!!”
Confetti Monster: “Right. I think I’ll go kill Teleporta now.”
Later…
He kills her. By hanging her. Buh-bye.
Later…
Clark: “Oh, no! She’s dead and I loved her so!”
The Rest of Us: “You knew her for two days, tops, you idiot!”
Clark: “SCREAM!”
The Rest of Us: “Please don’t do that. You’re about as emotive as Keanu Reeves.”
Later…
TMBG: "Superman, Superman/Superman hates Confetti Man/They have a fight, Super wins/Superman
Later…
Chloe: “Clark, I’m sorry your love of the week died, but I know your secret now and I’m afraid that I can’t tell you. BECAUSE THE WRITERS ARE STUPID!”
Clark: “…”
The End.
