Smallville: why is Lana still around, when Lex is so interesting?

Cafe Society
1

I am absolutely amazed. As a out-and-proud heterosexual who has a soft spot for brunettes, and avowed fan of Smallville, I should by all rights be drooling over Kristin Kreuk, who plays the lovely-to-look-at Lana Lang. And yet I find more intrigue in the long, meaningful glances between Lex and Clark than I do when Lana’s onscreen, hashing out her relationship with anyone while flipping her hair, rolling her eyes, and sighing heavily.

Let’s line up Lana and Lex alone–Look:

  1. Name - Both have fabulously alliterative names. Edge: Kristin Kreuk, whose name is more alliterative than Michael Rosenberg’s.

  2. Hair - Kristin’s hair is nice. They probably pay a stylist more than I make to keep it looking nice. Michael committed to keep his head shaved for the filming season for the life of the show. Edge: Lex Luthor. Nothing says badass like running a razor over your scalp every day (even if your character is naturally bald).

  3. Acting - Edge: Lex. Lana fans, feel free to correct me, or blame it on the script. I feel like MR’s acting is way better than KK’s. That’s just how I feel. A pretty girl sighing breathlessly is not acting.

  4. Side stories - The parallels between Lex’s and Clark’s feelings of isolation are wonderful, especially when you know that someday they must become enemies. Lana’s side stories mostly involve her doing something stupid so Clark will have to save her from some red-shirt teenage werewolf who ate the meteor rocks when he was a kid. Edge: Lex.

  5. Romantic Tension - Lana fans are probably salivating for me to finally give her the edge here. Surely there’s no sexual tension between Lex and Clark, right? Wrong! Every meaningful glance between those two sets my (once again, take note: I’m straight, and even I noticed!) heart a-pitter-patter. Maybe it’s just that the two guys have that “hidden agenda” subtext all the time, but I definitely get a “naughty boys” vibe when they’re alone together. When Clark and Lana are together, I just want his heat vision to accidentally melt her lips together so she’ll stop whining. Edge: Lex.

Final Score: Lex 4, Lana 1 (for having a cute name). Since we all know that at the end of the series Lex and Clark will be enemies, and that Lana will be long gone, traded in for Lois Lane, a sexy reporter, what are we waiting for?

Let’s see a riding accident, a bus accident, arson at the Talon, a jealous catfight-turned-deadly between her and Chloe (meeee-YOW!), a blinding 1920’s style death ray from Kal-El, Jon Kent mistaking her for a trespasser one night when she’s snooping around in the barn… anything? I’d like lengthy Lex scenes and less of Lana’s lollygagging.

And by the way, once Chloe uses her investigative reporting powers to discover Lex & Lionel’s evil past, how long will it take for her to be shuffled into witness protection, where she’ll be forced to dye her hair brown and become the smart, sexy reporter known as Lois Lane? rowr.

P.S.: why do I always end up hijacking my own thread before I even submit it?

2

Maybe some would consider this a spoiler, but it’s from an episode a few months ago… Chloe is currently using “Lois Lane” as a byline for her Daily Planet stories, though she said that the time that it was her cousin’s name, but that this alleged cousin ‘wouldn’t mind’ using her name.

The ambiguity leaves the show’s producers an option of introducing such cousin in a subsequent season… but it’s also quite reasonable that Chloe will be the reporter ‘Lois Lane’ in the future.

A real cousin ‘Lois Lane’ who is or is likely to become a reporter would almost certainly mind having Chloe use her name.

3

I have a friend who used to write for Smallville who said in no uncertain terms they put lines in there to increase the sexual tension between Lex & Clark. So no, you’re not imagining it.

4

Even if I agreed with the meat of your argument, having Lana around is at least eye candy for us het guys. Chloe is cute, but we need something other than her and some smoldering men.

Even so, I think Lana is a good character, and is at least as good an actor as Tom Welling, and probably much better.

5

I only just started watching Smallville this season. (Well, actually, I started with last year’s season finale) so I’ve got a question: is Lana supposed to be jaw-droppingly dumb, or is that just sloppy writing? I saw the one where the new neighbor was keeping his niece in a drug-induced coma so he could spend her inheritance, and as soon as Lana found out about it, she ran right over to his house alone to confront him about his evil deeds. :smack: I get that she needs to be in peril regularly so Clark can flex his super muscles and save her, but c’mon! Anyone that stupid needs to be committed.

6

One day I was listening to the commentary of the Pilot episode. When Clark was giving mouth-to-mouth to Lex, one of the Executive Producers said, “We loved the idea of them kissing.” So yeah, I think the sexual tension between the two was put there deliberately from the start.

7

we, as fans, demand the right, to see lana killed, and quickly, for our selfish needs. the sight of that horse trampling her to near [:(] death in the Lex is crazy episode was so near nirvana…

I’m sorry, but I’ve seen her lips pout in every way conceivable, in every possible context. Clark needs a leather girl to sew his wild oats with before he hooks up with Chloe/Louis (thanks Jurph for planting that devilshly clever seed)----------- after a weekend or two with Lex in a cabin lol yeah right, not even on fox, oops I mean WB.