I feel so emotionally free now that I’m out of all this bullshit that happened in the last 6+ months. You guys have seen some of the stuff that I’ve posted about what I went through. Sometimes I wouldn’t go a day without crying for over a month. That’s all changed now. It’s great, I don’t even feel bad about anything anymore. Thanks for being there to listen to me and all my ranting when it happens. It really made a difference.
I am not friends with people who have just been continually dragging me down emotionally; people who just got worse mentally and saw how it affected the rest of us, but never fully understood that it was them that were causing our emotional turmoil. I haven’t cried in a month and a half, even over stupid crap that sometimes should be cried over. I don’t feel that I have to protect anyone from themselves, especially when they’re not willing to do it on their own. I don’t spend my nights awake wondering if I’m going to see a friend alive the next day. I don’t sleep all weekend just avoiding life because I’m being used as a crutch. I don’t even care about whether they want help anymore, because it’s not good for me to do that to myself.
I’m not emotionally attatched in a way that wrenches my heart to someone I can’t have. I really am not sure where my emotions for them went, they just kind of turned into something a bit less stressful. I may not feel anything truly romantic for anyone anymore, but the funny thing is I prefer my life to be that way right now. Things were crazy; now I actually have a will to get things done and I feel better about it. My grades are going up, and I’m happy about it. I have my ambition back, and my creativity is returning to me. I like the fact that I really don’t go on the internet much anymore and post because it’s not what interests me because I’m out with friends or doing more productive things like reading books, writing or just puttering about the house.
The only thing that bothers me is that a close friend of mine still is having problems with a mutual friend that isn’t getting resolved because of how complex it is. I don’t want her upset, especially not in the last couple months of her junior year when it’s super important to get good grades and not go over the edge mentally. I just hope she realizes that the friendship is dying and maybe she should stop kicking the dead horse and just let it rot.
::smiles and daydreams about how wonderful life is right now for her:: So, how has everyone else been?
I think that you are right, she is stil draging me down with her. I want to keep the friendship but I do not know if I can take much more of it. She is really close to me but sometimes I wish that she would just stop it and take a look at her life and how she is affecting other people. I just do not know what to do, I am close to droping her, but in my heart I just can not let all of those years go. And I know you know who I am talking about and you will read this so we need to talk. Today she even upset one of the people who is always happy, and that bothers me. I know that I made her cry today but she is just so over welming at times. And I am doing a lot better just like you but my hard time is not gone like yours.
Things are shitty as ever, and Life sucks ass…
but I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel, hope to God the end of the tunnel isn’t in California somewhere and have a power outage and the light goes off…
yay for you, ssskuggiii! mind if I join you in your smiles and daydreams? things have been wonderful in my particular piece of the world, as well… hugs, warm fuzzies, and happy thoughts, all around!
I’m really happy for you. Good to see that things are starting to go your way. Hope that everything keeps looking up.
BTW, I had a dream about you last night. Nothing sexual or anything, but I dreamt that I was reading the comic section and saw “by ssskuggiii” at the top. I said to my wife “Hey, I didn’t know ssskuggiii was a cartoonist.”
“You didn’t? She’s pretty famous.”
“She’s a Doper. That’s pretty cool.”
And that is about all that I remember. Now, when Dopers start popping up in your dreams, does that mean you’re spending too much time on the board?
Who knows, maybe I’m just psychic like Jackie Stallone’s dogs. You aren’t an aspiring cartoonist, are you?
I’m glad you’re so happy about everything. I don’t mind that you pushed me away for your own benefit, but I care about my friends, and I don’t want you guys to do the same thing to Lauren, because I know for a fact that she won’t handle it as well as I did.
Phreak, seriously, you need to focus on school right now like the rest of us are. It’s for your own good not to flunk out of school.
Tommy, that’s pretty damned kewl.
Hypergirl, you have no clue how horrible it was being friends with you for a while, and don’t you dare act like you’re the victim, 'cause you know that it wasn’t my problem, but you pushed it on me, and all of your friends because you always need a crutch. Now please leave the rest of my friends alone before you get a restraining order on your ass. Seriously, you don’t want help, and sometimes I think we’d all be better off if you just left us alone to go do all the stupid shit that you do anyway that’s gonna get you killed in the long run. **You’re not the victim, so drop it.**You never were. Lauren’s just as bad as you are, but she doesn’t eat, so it’s a completely different situation. I just wish you’d stay the fuck away from it because all you’ve done in trying to help ever is fuck things up worse than they started out as.
Thanks. (You may now continue on with your regularly scheduled program…)
ssskuggiii Someone really needs to snap you back into reality. I know I can’t be the one to do it since what I say seems to have less then no value to you. And I honestly don’t care. I lost you a while ago and I’m used to it. But I still care about other people and I would appreciate you not trying to make up other people’s minds for them. I know it’s hard to believe, but they are capable of thinking for themselves. And if something bad happens to Lauren because of your crusade against anyone weaker than yourself, I’ll never forgive you, and I hope you’ll never be able to forgive yourself.
How many times have we explained this already? If you have a problem with someone, even if they are a member of the SDMB, take it to e-mail if the problem iself is unrelated to the Boards.
I don’t think anyone’s interested in seeing a catfight between two or three girls here. Strike that. I’m sure some people are just drooling at the mere thought of a catfight. But it ain’t gonna happen.
ssskuggiii, I’m glad you’re doing better. But I suggest you, hypergirl, and crystalgrl talk about your mutual personal stuff over a cup of coffee instead of over a message board.