Where Did These Towels Come From?
A: Towels are the physical extrusions of a hyperdimensional intelligence. Can you imagine what goes through their minds every time you dry off after a shower?
Do I no longer qualify as a “true” Star Trek fan?
Only if you regard “Star Trek V” as canonical.
Why dont Japanese Steakhouse Have Windows???
Because the manager prefers Macintosh.
Old school GQ:
Q: What is the 3rd word ending in -gry?
A: Orange.
Q: Is there a word that rhymes with orange?
A: Actually, there are two of them…
From Cafe Society:
Is it just me, or does the last 30 minutes of ADAPTATION suck ass?
A: It’s just you that sucks ass.
From GQ:
What do you call the thing that closes a door?
A: A person
From GD:
What rights does the Mother have?
A: Right arm. Right leg. Right hand. Right foot…
I just sprayed DIet Coke on my monitor at that one!!
Q: What time is it?
A: How should I know? I can’t play the trumpet!
Q: High pitched squeals from your television?
A: Means American Idol’s on.
From GQ:
Q: etymology of yard/billion
A: grass per capita was too cumbersome
Q: Terrorist Chatter
A: ne1 wanna g-had? a/s/cave? ObL haxored ur airplane!!!1!
Q: Bitty birds bugging big birds
A: Sesame Street: Too Hot for CTW
Q: Where did these towels come from?
A: The Hitchhiker’s Guide is no longer accepting freelance articles.
Q: What do you call the thing that closes a door?
A: Hinge
Q: Who stars in your erotic dreams?
A: ME!!!
Q: Why do wheels appear to rotate backwards?
A: You’ve got the car in reverse, silly!
Q: OK Say I am a Zillionaire
A: All right. “You’re a zillionaire.” Feel better?
Q: My car just stopped working…
A: … and it’s so hard for a car to find work these days.
Q: What in the world could have happened to this airplane???
A: Have you checked your room? How about under the couch?
Q: What does a lady in waiting do?
A: Wait. Duh.
Q: Make me a wine expert!!!
A: Okay, I’ll need some 2x4’s, a couple of wine books, 5 kegs of fine red wine, and some…
Q: Question about 9-11
A: It’s “-2”
Q: If Mozart were alive today…
A: He’d be really, really, REALLY old.
Time-traveling spam – has this happened to you?
Yeah. I put it in my sammitch and when I went to eat it, the pig was alive again.
Any Dopers going to Glenn Beck’s Rally for america on Saturday 5/24? (Replies: 0)
Guess not.
Any advice for an expectant mother?
Nope. You clearly didn’t take my advice, last time.
Can Manhattan swear when closes a thread?
You betcha, sweetie!
My absolute favourite answer to a question is when the question is something like “What time is it?” or “Which one do you like, this one or that one” The answer being “yes”
Q. NHL – Is it a game or a match?
A. It’s an abbreviation.
A. The correct term is “skirmish”.
A. It’s a floor wax and a dessert topping!
Q: What’s up?
A: A stuco ceiling, beyond which lies the sky
Two of Al Jaffe’s I have actually used on strangers;
Q. Did you catch that fish?
A. No. I talked it into surrendering!
and
Q. Will you call me a taxi?
A. Okay, Your A Taxi!