Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Q: What relationship is your brother-in-law’s wife to you?
A: Your sister.

Q: Do you use Night Guard?
A: No, but I use Right Guard.

Q: Would a goldfish survive being flushed down the toilet?
A: Sure, puppies do, and they’re a lot bigger.

Q: something is not yet in existence, does it exist?
A: Short answer-no. Long answer-nooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Q: New York Democrats Hide the Keys to the Senate?
A: Yea, they hid them in their bra so the Republicans couldn’t get them.

Q: What do you put in your Ramen Noodles?
A: Water works best, vodka- not so good.

Q: Belts on Men - Functional or Decorative?
A: Nothing on a real man is ever decorative.

Q: Once mold starts, can it be eliminated?
A: Did you see the movie “The Blob”? Did they eliminate it?

Q: What drugs would you do if they no longer had any effect?
A: What kinda stupid question is that?

2

Hmm. Expanding Sarcastic Answers to GQ Questions to include other fora. As the possible originator of this concept, I approve. (Was I the first one to start that thread? It seems unlikely.)

3

Thanks! I’ve been feeling sarcastic lately, and I have to be very nice at work all the time so I need an outlet.

Here’s another

So, I’ve never made lasagne before…and I’ve never been to me.

I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waiters and waitresses.

4

Never mind.

5

Stupid question about twitter.com
Is there a smart question about twitter?

6

Q: Biggest asshole in Congress
A: By radius or depth?

7

Q: Hvert ertu að fara?
A: We are DEVO!

8

Q: Why does it smell so bad in here?
A: It didn’t before you came in.

9

That’s not always correct. My brother-in-law’s wife was my husband’s sister, not mine.

Unless there’s another name for the husband of my sister-in-law that I’m not aware of…

10

Mexicans control your damn kids while in public!

Who controls them in private?

11

By volume.

Q: Is a WWII era Hawaiian 1 dollar bill worth anything?
A: Yes. One dollar.

12

Chess: Anyone Remember This Game?
Yes. I do, and so did that guy at college, and I suspect these peopleas well.

13

Is this one about Chess Nuts Boasting In An Open Foyer?

14

Q: What’s Inside the Pyramids?
A: The same thing that’s inside Soylent Green

(Dead) people.

15

**How far “inland” can I get a Nimitz-class aircraft carrier? **
Halfway. After that, you’re going to the coast.

Nah, they’re hanging out with Hugh, the guy who hates flower shops run by monks, and the long-lost twins Juan and Amal.

16

Dunno if it works but my favorite thing to do…

Me: (Saying perfectly serious comment)
Person: Really?
Me: Nope, gotcha.

It’s such a habit for people (me included) to say “really” after hearing pretty much anything, that I just automatically deadpan “nope gotcha” right afterwards. It’s pretty funny because their reactions tend to be good as opposed to “God, you’re a dick”.

17

How far “inland” can I get a Nimitz-class aircraft carrier?
A couple hundred feet, as long as you start with a lot of momentum.

Looking for ideas for long-distance interactive projects w/ kids
Bummer about the restraining order.

Where is your favorite place to play fantasy football?
Narnia.

Ghostbuster for Wii: Stuck!
Cross the streams.

18

Q: Does something smell funny in here?
A: I don’t think so, STUPID!

19

Q: What would happen if you ate cancer?
A: Don’t.

20

Q: Is this thread really about stupid answers to stupid questions?
A: No, it is just inane.