I was sitting at my computer and working quietly (the Dope safely hidden in a side tab) when I heard my boss’s boss walk into the room adjacent to my office, sigh loudly, and say, loud enough for me and everyone else to hear but addressing no one in particular: “There are *forks *in the sink. And I’m *not *washing dishes!” Then she stomped off.
I didn’t say anything, mostly because snappy comebacks are not in my skillz set. But I know the collective wisdom of the Dope can come up with a clever response. (For the record, that was not my flatware in the communal break-room sink.) What would have been the ultimate comeback?
Keeping your trap shut was the right move. One doesn’t offer snappy comebacks to one’s boss’s boss in this economy unless one has alternative employment already lined up. Particularly when said boss’s boss is already obviously annoyed and may overreact.
That said, there’s nothing wrong with thinking something like: “Well, joke you if you can’t take a fork.”
I find that straighforward responses are useful with passive-aggressive folks. That way you don’t end up playing their dysfunctional game. It takes them by surprise and promotes honest communication. Sometimes they even manage some of same.
Oh, Lordy, folks. And here I thought we could have a little fun.
I’m not actually gonna say anything out loud to her, ferchrissakes. For one thing, the moment passed almost seven hours ago. Consider it more of a thought exercise, or an excuse to be snarky. Whassa matter, dontcha like bringing the snark? I thought I was coming to the Snark Experts ™.
“Meh, I use plastic forks anyways.”
“But dirty forks taste have that nice been-in-someone-else’s-mouth taste that I love!”
“I guess they didn’t go down the drain like I thought.”
“I’ll be sure to tell the maid.”
“You barbarians! Chopsticks are far superior.”
“Well, fork you, too.”
“Who left the forking forks in the forking sink?”
Okay, okay, these are getting silly. But hopefully I made up for the rest of youse.
If I’m getting my hourly rate, I’m sure as hell not above washing forks or any other legal job. I draft briefs and pleadings and argue and negotiate for a living. If you want to pay me $300 smackers an hour to vacuum, I’ll even bring my own vacuum cleaner.
