Oh, that’s nice. Brilliant.
See the above advice to grow up.
Esprix
The simple idea of men sucking each other, or the actual reality of it?
Isn’t it past your bedtime?
BWAAAAH HA HA HA!!!
Don’t kill him…
OK Shayna, I think we at least agree that he’s out of his depth and he knows it, thus his asking if his actions were proper. From there, we disagree. If I had a problem with someone I know who was drinking, I’d go ask a reformed alcoholic and not a straightedger. Red is incapable of acting except out of his own distorted sense of values. He says HE’s hurt by her drinking, which is pretty bass-ackwards if you ask me, he needs to consider HER situation separately from his own in order to help. He needs to deal with his own problems before he deals with someone else’s. You can’t live someone else’s life for them, people have to make their own mistakes and learn from them, the girl isn’t going to learn anything from a harsh lecture. I don’t condone what the girl did, but it’s her life and she has to find her own way.
No, m’dear, it’s YOU who disgust me. But I think you already know that. You’re just being a dick. Perhaps you’d have a little more tolerance if you actually sucked on one. You never know, you might like it. Esprix and I sure do.
In fact I have many gay friends.
Perhaps you should re-evaluate your friendships on this board.
Oh, yeah, making an entirely irrelevant to the discussion comment about sucking dick when talking about an openly gay man makes you soooooooo sensitive to gay issues. I’m going to nominate you for Humanitarian of the Year, jack! :rolleyes:
Perhaps you should re-evaluate your intelligence quotient. Now be a dear and go fuck yourself.
Esprix
I don’t drink because it is against my beliefs system as a Buddhist. Ahisma. Do no harm. I know if I were to start drinking right now, it would hurt my parents, who have tried to bring me up to be capable of making smart decisions, and it would hurt my friends, who would see me finding something else to do then talk to them and offer a shoulder to cry on. And I don’t want to stunt my growth ; )
That’s why I don’t drink.
And you, my friend, are an idiot.
I hate to say this. But Chas.E is making some good points here.
I don’t know about being “incapable” of acting otherwise, but I think it’s inappropriate to force your values on others, and to tell someone that their actions in their personal life hurt you, well, that’s inappropriate. IMO. As far as finding her own way… She can use guidance. As a friend, it’s totally proper to tell someone that you think they’re doing things that aren’t right, and talk to them about it. But she won’t learn anything from a harsh lecture. Making X’s drinking a problem that hurts him personally isn’t going to get red_dragon60 anywhere, either. I understand that having lost friends to alchohol and having an alcoholic father make things uncomfortable for him, but the important thing is that he needs to be X’s friend, and not guilt-trip her for doing something so obviously offensive to his values.
I think red_dragon60 knows this. I think he is aware that he overreacted (it might have been when he said “I overreacted”) and he should talk to his friend and perhaps apologize for his behavior. I think he knows that a 14 year old skinny dipping drunk with 21 year old guys is totally inappropriate. And I think he knows that scolding isn’t going to get the message across to his friend.
I think Nothing But Net should go home. Does this really happen every summer?
Yep, we disagree, Chas.E.. I don’t think it matters whether he asks for advice from someone who drinks or who doesn’t. I think he needs to talk to a qualified adult who can help guide him in how to handle his interactions with this girl, and perhaps help her in the process.
And I think any true friend does hurt when they see a valued friend hurting themself. I don’t see why he can’t hurt for her and for himself over the tragedy that’s unfolding in front of his eyes that he feels powerless to do anything about. Him feeling hurt does not preclude him being equally (if not moreso) worried about her. I think you’re putting too much emphasis on that single comment in their exchange.
I also completely disagree that in this type of situation that a 14 year old girl should be left to “live her own life and find her own way.” She needs caring people around her to explain to her why what she’s doing is so dangerous before she gets hurt. It may not be that red_dragon60 is the one to “teach” her that lesson. But as a caring friend, I don’t think it’s wrong to seek advice on how he might be able to help her.
And red_dragon60, I think you’re making a wise decision in talking to your therapist about this situation. Best of luck to you. If you end up being unable to help your friend, I hope you can at least come away from this experience with a better way of handling your anger and frustration over your friend’s foolish actions.
This may not be my place to comment on, but I’ve seen a LOT of people with BS reasons why they ‘are against drinking,’ and it gets under my skin. red_dragon60, IMO this is flawed reasoning.
-
Do no harm to parents
You’re making two implicit assumptions here without any warrant: a) that drinking is inherently harmful and b) that drinking is inherently stupid. I don’t believe either of these things to be true. Drinking alcohol, in moderation, intelligently, is not harmful. You say it would hurt your parents because they tried to raise you to make smart decisions, and if what you’re saying is when you drink, you might get drunk, and you might do stupid things, well, that’s a different thing. Drinking itself isn’t necessarily a not-smart decision, as you imply. Admittedly, starting drinking at 16 probably isn’t a good idea, but theoretically what I’m saying is reasonable. -
Do no harm to friends
This is pure BS. Why couldn’t you talk to your friends if you had a drink? I don’t even get it. Alcohol does not make anyone who touches it evil. If you make yourself believe this, you will have trouble later on when you come to terms with the fact that this belief was a crutch to support whatever emotions you may have regarding alcohol and alcoholism.
HOWEVER: If you replace the word “drink” with the word “become an alcoholic” in your post, you’re absolutely correct. Alcoholism is destructive and stupid. If those are the reasons why you don’t want to be an alcoholic, I say more power to you. If what you’re trying to say is, you don’t drink because you fear alcoholism and alcoholism would cause those problems, then I support that too.
I just wanted to get that off my chest. Bad reasons for not drinking are one of the best ways to become an alcoholic, IMO. Thanks.
No, you my friend, are the idiot…
See your OP, stupid
May I be the first to say… What?
See, I am 16, and drinking age is 21. So I would be letting the rents down by showing them that I want to break the law in such a way, and it would also deeply hurt my mom, as she is very sensitive to alcohol use around her.
And my friends like me the way I am. To go drinking, I would have to find new friends, which I don’t want to do. I don’t want to disappoint themby choosing to go to a party and get plastered instead of watching bad movies with them.
And it would harm myself, if not physically, then mentally. I have enough problems as it is.
BA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Let’s show him what he’s won, Johnny!
Remember, NBN is here all week or until he gets excommunicated. Tip your servers!
You’re so right. All of this is true (well, I can’t make any judgements on the ‘enough problems,’ as I don’t know you, but I’ll take your word). With your OP, and the post I quoted at the top of this page, I had gotten the impression that you hadn’t really thought through your decision not to drink. I now have the opposite impression. Kudos to you. You do still need to tone down the ‘Wrath of God’ response to your friends, but you’re young. Keep up the good work.
I’m ready to play that game.
Give it your best shot, punk…
Rather than get into the nastiness above, I want to give red_dragon60 my opinion on the subject as this is very similar to a woman I know, oh and that be me.
red_dragon60, I started drinking early, I also did crazy things, then and since. I am alive at almost 33. Thankfully nothing happened to me. Was it luck, probably, but so many small things happened during that time I had to learn by those mistakes.
I can say that I felt your wording was very harsh, yes an apology is in order and rephrasing it in the light that you gave us – I care about you and I don’t want to see anything bad happen – is the best thing you can say. A 14 year old will rarely listen but coming from her peers might make a difference.
Would it had made a difference in my life? Probably not, I had other issues, major self esteem issues (many teen girls go through that) that colored my world in a bad light. My only means by which to feel alive, at that age, was to drink and have sex, seriously. This lasted for many years.
It was not until recently that I realized my drinking affected my relationships. It hardly ever got in the way of my work, no more so than my peers. Did I make some mistakes, you betcha. I still drink and it is common knowledge on this board that I am a regular drinker. I would consider myself an alcoholic but at this time in my life I am not ready to cut it back. Why? because there are underlying things that need to be dealt with first and before my drinking goes back to social drinking again. Some might call me an alcoholic out of disease, I call my an alcoholic out of fears, self esteem and such because as my world becomes more whole I become less likely to get drunk.
What I am leading to is this. Recognize that your friend probably has this idea that drinking is “grown up” and she may need that feeling of being “grown up” to complete something seriously missing in her life. I have seen it in teens that seemingly have a perfect family life, but something is missing. Most of my friends at 14 drank too.
We did hang out with older kids (high school seniors) and such, not 21 year olds.
Anyhow, many of my friends that did drink as young as your friend are very smart and productive members of society and have lived to tell some really wacky tales. Others got involved in drugs and very bad people, one in my life was even murdered. But because one of my friends was murdered (literally, strangled with her tube top) because of the drug people she hung out with does not make me give my friends that smoke pot, do coke or even meth, a hard time. I rather calmly state to them that those are things I prefer not to partake in.
A friend, a family member, a loved one will always be a part of your life. Offer an ear as you can’t shake them (verbally or literally) into making decisions based on your life’s experiences.
Well, I hope that makes sense. I hope that gives you some perspective from the other side.
< now if I could only quit smoking >