[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by red_dragon60 *
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That’s too bad. 
Try to keep your anger under control. I know you care a lot about her and it may be hard to do, but I think she’ll be more responsive to you if you speak calmly and rationally.
Also, her parents are being neglectful. Intervention and counseling is necessary for them, IMHO.
14? Her parents don’t care if she’s sleeping over at her 19 y.o. guy “friends” place?? I would see if they care about this drinking BS. If they didn’t, I would be giving real hard thought about getting a hold of protective services. This girl does not appear to have a very good first step at life, with (by the looks of it) no thanks to her “loving” parents.
I would like to strongly second that thought. If her parents don’t care, then protective services is your best bet.
Oh yes, lets all call protective services because a teenager is drinking. :rolleyes:
Nice for you to sit at a computer screen and make moral judgements based on the few pieces of information presented here. Do any of you, red excepted, know a fucking thing about her situation? No? Then STFU.
Want to know a good way to ruin a family? Call protective services when there is no fucking need.
Red, it seems clear that you like this girl. Please believe that no matter what you say and do, she is going to do whatever she wants. Most teenagers are like this. Having fallen for the charms of several girls that seem very similar to this when I was your age, I unfortunately speak from experience. The last thing they want to hear is that you think they are hurting themselves.
Be her friend. Be available. I’m sorry to say, but it is probably going to take something that scares the shit out of her before she will change.
dragon, I’ll echo the comments of most of the posters here. You’re very justified in being concerned about your friend. I think you approached it the wrong way; instead of trying to be supportive and caring, you came off as attacking her. From your subsequent posts, it sounds like you regret your approach and will be expressing that to her at a later date. Kudos to you.
However, my real reason for posting – why is everyone paying attention to NBN? Responding to him will just stroke his ego and make him think he’s more important and commands more than the fragment of respect he’s already lost. If he wants to spout childish insults and pick fights, then the mods will deal with him, and we don’t have to spend our ire and anger on him. I give about as much credence to his comments as I would to a talking parrot.
Yeah, you sound like a real prize yourself.
Here is a fucking clue for yourself. WE do not know the girl. Only RED does here. You don’t either fuckface. We are leaving it to this seemingly intelligent young person to make the call, not you nor myself. We are giving advice. Based entirely on what red mentioned she appears to be heading on a fast downward spiral with parents that don’t give a shit. That may be acceptable in your family but here is a fucking clue, it isn’t in most.
Call protective services when there is no need? Yeah. Have you even read the rest of this thread? There appears to be a need… possibly a big need.
So, I suggest YOU get rid of the fucking attitude unless you have some decent input.
Teenage girls do what they want and there is fuck all you can do about it is not the kind of “decent” input he is looking for here. You might be right, but for cripes sake he wants to try.
When do you go back to school again, kiddo? :rolleyes:
NO, moron, not because a teenager is drinking. We have a 14 year old child whose parents do not give a crap that she is possibly being molested by a 19 year old.
It doesnt take a rocket scientist to understand that there is something wrong and the girl is at risk. Parents that would knowingly let thier 14 year old little girl stay out all night and get blasted, and go skinny dipping with adults are guilty of criminal neglect.
No fucking need…Do you have any idea what can happen to children that are neglected like this? I used to have to deal with the results of this kind of idoicy on daily basis, in an in-patient psychiatric hospital(I worked there, I was not a resident). If a child had told me that kind of a story I would be required by law to report it to child protective services. I had to make several such calls. I also had to make several calls to parents explaining how thier kid finally came forth in group and revealed that she had been molested/raped etc. The resulting damage to the child was extreme. Often, it was because the parents just didn’t care what thier child was up too, and didn’t put forth the effort to supervise them. Were not talking about an 18 or 19 year here.
I have no sympathy for parents who neglect thier kids.
Shove your advice up your ass. He didn’t ask how he could destroy her family, he asked if he was being an asshole.
I gave him good advice, to be a friend and be available. Castigating her, again, would just make her go elsewhere if she gets in trouble or has a problem.
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I dunno, maybe whenever it is that I decide to get a grad degree. k! thx!
And for the next shithead…
Holy fucking shit, now he’s molesting her?! Please stop inventing shit.
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Gee, you might be right…IF THEY WERE KNOWINGLY LETTING HER DRINK AND GO SKINNY DIPPING WITH ADULTS. Where’s your proof of that? All that red says is that HE THINKS they don’t care. And for this you want to call protective services? Maybe you should suggest TALKING TO HER FUCKING PARENTS FIRST. Maybe he could have his parents talk to hers.
You fucking people just take the fucking cake. You think you know SO much fucking better than anyone else that you would gleefully rip a child from their parents on just the SUGGESTION of neglect. Fuck you.
And I sure appreciate the immediate personal attacks, makes your point beautifully. I am only happy to respond in kind.
Demise, you waded into this debate with both guns blazing, and you’re calling people out for shooting back? I think if you had made your original point without the anger, it might have come across a lot better to people. But, in this as in all things, YMMV.
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I said possibly. Read the message before responding. AND WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT A 19 MALE is doing with this 14 year old girl overnight alone in his home? Playing Chutes and Ladders? It may be totally innocent, but the fact the parents would even allow her to be in that situation shows neglect.
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Thats exactly what we said, asswipe. TALK TO HER PARENTS!, and if they are indifferant, call protective services. If it is true that they allow her to stay overnight at that guys house, then that right thier needs to be investigated.
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Look, obviously you havn’t a clue how CPS(Child Protective Services) works. They investigate. If they find cause, then they take action. Calling them doesn’t just magically make them show up and take the kid. Hell, half the time when they should take the kid they don’t get to. But at the very least, its a wake up call, and if the parents need help, they find out where to get it.
You post an insulting comment, * IN THE PIT*, and then start the whine about personal attacks. right.
You started with the insults when you posted this gem
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You started it, and now your crying because people are being mean to you in the pit.
Bwahahahaha! tear That was the funniest thing I have read on this board in a while.
Wait, you were serious? Oh. Go suck on a chainsaw, asshole.
red_dragon, I feel you were totally justified in being worried for your friend and in trying to stop her. She is definitely too young and sounds too irresponsible to be doing what she’s doing. I would seriously consider the advice of others to talk with her parents. Although it might negatively affect your friendship, it seems like this girl might fall hard.
I’d hardly call it crying. I made no comment aimed specifically at any anyone in my first post. Regardless of that, since we are in the Pit, I retract my personal insult statement.
I suppose I did come on pretty strongly. Having friends that have suffered through false accusations, I have personally witnessed the pain they are put through. Every piece of their personal lives are rooted through, the family is put through extreme stress, just because some self-righteous prick decided THEY didn’t like how someone was raising their children. Do you understand what kind of fear that these totally innocence people have to suffer?
So when I see people that know next to NOTHING about a situation immediately calling for CPS to be involed, it raises my ire. I apologize.
I still think you are wrong about wanting CPS involved, and that many of your reasons for such are sheer supposition.
I know what you mean about the false accuastion thing. I have had friends who have been through that too (vindictive ex-spouses), and I can understand your re-action. But I have also seen what happens when something is wrong and nobody does anything. If its a choice between allowing a kid to be abused, or risking putting a family thorugh an investigation, I have to say making sure the child is safe is first priority.
Its a hard decsion to make, and I would never take it lightly and just jump to conclusions. Nobody here is calling CPS themselves, just suggesting to the op, who does know the situation, that if things are really as described he might want to strongly consider it.
Agreed. However, I suggest you take some basic reading comprehension classes before you going back to school for and other “degree”. It would be well advised that you read the posts and understand them before you go off the fucking deep-end again. Nobody said CALL PROTECTIVE SERVICES NOW!!!. I was the first person to say that, and even then I said talk to the parents first… which you so nicely repeated in your later rant. So what exactly was your problem here?
Having said that, it appears the parents are not totally innocent here either, but that is only a call that RD can make.
Nicely put. What exactly are you handing out then, Captain Friendly? You go first.
This thread is incredibly heated. I hope I don’t get too scorched by the flames, but as a teenager who has been in similar (albeit less drastic) situations, I figure I might as well offer my perspective.
Brief reality check: many teenagers drink. Most teenagers appear to grow up into reasonably functioning adults. No cites, just common sense. I personally do not drink, but I definitely take the attitude that “it’s your body, you may knowingly do whatever you would like to it.” The key word there for me is “knowingly.” If a person is unable to make an informed judgment on his or her decisions, then the decision he or she makes may well be incorrect, with possibly ramifications down the road of life.
Is a 14 year old able to make decisions about drinking with a good idea of the possible consequences? That’s a tough question. At the age of 14 you are in the 8th grade to high school freshman range. I knew some people drinking then, and while my anecdotal experience is obviously worthless for making any general claim, they have all turned out just fine.
Skinny dipping with 21 year olds? Spending the night with a 19 year old? Wow. It may be hard for her to rationally evaluate those decisions at that age. If I were 14, and 21 year old girls wanted to skinny dip with me, or I could just go spend the night with some 19 year old…well, I wouldn’t have needed much encouragement. Raging hormones, the amazing ego gratification…those things can alter your view of a situation, certainly in a direction away from the rational.
You must make an assessment: does she know what she is doing? If she truly understands her actions and the possible consequences that may spring from them, you may certainly offer advice as a friend, but in the end, it is her life to live. If you feel that she doesn’t really understand what she’s doing, and not only that, but you feel so certain that you know that that you are willing to impose your views on her life, then you need to take some form of action. She is a minor, not an adult, and should not be expected to behave like an adult if she is not ready. Of course, you are too.
It is still probably preferable for you to not offer anything more than friendly advice to her directly. If you offer advice, and she rejects it, and you meet the previous difficult-to-parse condition in the preceding paragraph, then get some advice from an adult in real life. If you already see someone who is a professional, great! That’s what they are paid to do. If he or she recommends a course of action that you are uncomfortable with, you are by no means obligated to follow it, but he or she just might have some good ideas. I would try talking to an adult other than your parents first – I feel that parents tend to somehow be biased one way or another, and that they are often too close to a situation to see the whole picture. I am sure that you have some adult somewhere in your life whom you can trust and with whom you can talk confidentially about this type of thing. The less you can interfere with her life, the better. It really is still hers to live.
As I said at the beginning of my post, I have some experience with these situations. I have several friends who are heavily into drinking, smoking (cigarettes and marijuana), and the party scene. They are intelligent people who know exactly what they’re doing. They are harming no one but themselves. They don’t drive drunk, etc. One day though they all started smoking marijuana at school during our lunch break. They would go get smoked out and come into the next period red-eyed and giggly. One of them scored a sub-50% on a math test (he was at least a solid B student usually). Doing it on their own time was one thing, but they were seriously screwing themselves up here. But you know what? That was their choice, and they weren’t hurting anyone but themselves still. I might have felt it was stupid, but I was not living for them.
One of them has left my school. Another hung on by a thread through the rest of the year and managed to just barely scrape by with a high enough GPA to move on to his junior year. Maybe he’ll make it through this year, maybe he won’t. Things certainly ain’t getting any easier. Do I wish I had said something to them? I don’t really know. It is not really my place to impose my moral values on everyone just so they can live my ideal of the best possible life.
So to sum up: judge carefully whether she is capable of responsibly making the decisions that she is making. But judge damn carefully. You are not some moral arbiter. You are just a friend trying to help. You would not want a friend a couple of years older than you making unfounded judgments about your life, so just be damn sure you know what you’re doing before you do it. You know, the whole “judge not lest ye be judged” thing.
Tough situation. I feel for you.
Awww, isn’t NBN going to come and 'splain himself?
:rolleyes:
Esprix
SDP, thank you for bringing some rationality to this thread, especially from the POV of an actual teenager.
I must admit, at the tender age of 14, I actually skinny-dipped, Gawd Ferbid (and so did the girls) with 18-21 yr olds. OH SHIT! We even drank too! Guess what happened?
Not a fucking thing! Well, wait, one of my 14 yr old lady friends married one of the 21 yr old “child molesters” (also a friend) about 10 yrs later, and they have 3 happy kids, one of whom is probably about 14 by now.
I believe the vitriol and hyperbole has blinded some people.
The above shit I mention took place in the early '70’s; I KNOW kids now are much more sexually aware and active than they were 30 yrs ago.
Yes teen pregnancy, drinking, std’s, et al are always a problem, but you cannot stop teens from pushing boundries.
We don’t know shit about the actual circumstances re: this kid in the OP. Flame my ass if you wish, but I say mellow the fuck out.
Forget about The parents or CPS.
Go talk to X. talk to her as a friend. Forget that you are a straightedger. While it is a commendable thing to be able to be, remember that to a 14yo you will come across as a party pooper. Bring her out with your friends and show her that she can have a good time without drinking.
Be her friend, not her moral compass.
Peace,
John
Sometimes things like this do work out. More often than not they don’t, and they end in disaster. It’s sort of like the people who don’t wear seat belts because they think they may get trapped in a burning car…It could happen, but your better off wearing the seat belt.
I’m glad things worked out for your friends, but any 21 year old who sleeps with a 14 year old should be in prison.
So how did it go, red_dragon? What did your therapist advise? Obviously you’ve been pretty upset by all this - are you feeling any better now?
Jeg elsker dig, Thomas