So... how does one handle the end of a relationship?

I do, but as Sarah McLachlan wrote in the song Black:

“If I cried me a river of all my confessions, would I drown in my shallow regrets.”

When you’re ready, when the pain has eased a bit and you feel a little energy returning, take on something new. Learn something, go somewhere you’ve never visited before, learn a new style of cooking, read a difficult book. Give yourself something new to get up in the morning for, something to look forward to.

And yes, while the pain will ease, sometimes, it will come back at you like a hot kiss at the end of a wet fist. The pain for me was more like a roller-coaster, not the tide, and sometime I would see or read would trigger a spontaneous crying jag.

For a few months, all I did at night was replay chess games by Capablanca and Fisher, just to occupy my mind with something other than my loss.

If nothing else, tell yourself that you’ll get through this just like we all did. If we can do it, you can too.

For a more hopeful future,


You said you were moving to a new apartment, yes? Work on making your new environment comfortable, pleasing, and above all yours. When I was divorced from my first husband, I made myself box up all the reminders and change my home entirely - it helped me to ease the pain of coming home to a place that was familiar, and yet painfully different.

Spend time with friends, vent to us here at the SDMB as much as you want, take a class, anything - but don’t spend too much time alone. I had a standing date with a close friend, just so I regularly got out of the house. If it weren’t for her, I might have sat and cried for weeks or even months.

Those are the only ideas I have, and they’re horribly inadequate.

Be good to yourself, and hang in there. Goddess knows you have a tough time ahead; you’ll be in my thoughts. :frowning:

Hastur, I’m sorry to hear this news. :frowning: I don’t really have any advice to offer, but the advice so far in this thread sounds good. Take the time to share with friends and this MB how your feel; I’ve found letting off some steam helps, so you don’t keep it all bottled up inside. Take care of yourself, all right?



Staying busy works, get a volunteer job & stay away from any thought of the person works for
me though, I often like to look for them on the street.

Right now, I miss him terribly. Doing everything without him is hard physically, as well as emotionally and mentally.

Of course, if I had the help I need, this may all be different.

I’m not sure I can really give you advice of what to do, but I can certainly give you advice of what not to do. I broke up with my fiance a while back and what I tried to do is break off all contact with her completely (much like what your ex has done). It seemed like I was going through it okay, I have met someone else and was starting to get back out there. About 6 weeks after the breakup, she contacts me and I broke down pretty severely. If she wasn’t as sweet as she was to me, it would have just killed me to talk to her. I apparently didn’t deal with the breakup at all.

I’m only mentioning this because this clearly wasn’t the way to go, and pretty much the opposite should work just fine. I think you’ll be sad no matter what, but I think living a normal life without him but at the same time without ignoring him should get you back on track quicker than anything else.

Finding someone new works very well too…of course some of the dopers might be into spending
chat time with you?

Pfft, hell with that - enjoy being single again. :slight_smile:


I really wish I could, Esprix.

As others have intimated, it’s different for everyone. I can’t identify with a divorce or a break-up after so long, but I can tell you that after a break up from Super Intense Emotional Rollercoaster Relationship, I found that–of all things–jigsaw puzzles were of considerable comfort for me. There was something about recreating organization from chaos, and having to focus on something other than myself/my misery/etc that really helped me cope.

Like I said, it’s different for everyone. I hope there is something you can find for yourself that helps…it’ll be a day in, day out kind of thing for a while. But we’ll help you with that. :slight_smile:

Why can’t you enjoy being single?


Because it has been less than two weeks since I’ve been sleeping alone in a big bed, having to do everything for myself, and being in incredible physical pain as well as emotional pain because of it.

The heat has been killing me, and I have lost one of the dearest friends I have ever known in the process.

Right now, I feel like I’m on the verge of an emotional meltdown.


'Sprix, it’s not always that simple…

Hastur, hang in there. This too shall pass. And I think you will love again, someone who loves you back, forever and ever. But this does not taint the fact that you once loved, and loved truly. That alone is a triumph. :slight_smile: Something need not last forever to be worthwhile. You’ll always have Paris…

It gets better, Hastur, it really does. I separated from my husband of 10 years back in March (entirely his idea…long story). I was on an emotional rollercoaster for a while. Couldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep. Felt like a worthless failure. I cried a LOT.

Take one day at a time. Every day was rotten at first. Then one day you realize that you’re having more good days than bad.

The dopers who’ve replied have had great advice. Don’t drink to ease the pain. Don’t spend too much time alone…your friends love you, and will be there for you. Keep busy, because if you sit and stew about the situation, it justs hurts too damned much.

And, Esprix is right…enjoy being single again. I haven’t dated in 10 years, and the thought is both terrifying and exciting. Mostly exciting. I have so much freedom now, it’s incredible!