I’m a rather experienced woman (see my other posts on this thread) who happens to be marrying a man who was a virgin when he met me. In no way did I discriminate against him for his lack of sexual experience. What matters is how he treats me and he treats me well. I love him and he loves me and to hell with numbers. He knows I have a history and I know he doesn’t. And we’re looking at the future as healthy couples do instead of dwelling on the past.
Have you done it at all yet? I vaguely remember a thread of yours where I think you were a virgin at 25.
It also depends how you view sex.
If you’re the sort of person that believes the most sacred, intimate way to physically express your love for someone should be reserved only for the people who are most sacred and intimate to you, then you’re clearly going to be turned off by someone that has had 30 partners - it’s a mismatch of values.
Bolding mine. I’d just like to point out that these two phrases don’t really, fundamentally, mean different things. But ain’t it interesting how we find ways to “feminize” and “masculinize” the same emotion? And not even subtly. Nope, we describe the woman’s feelings in terms that ever so slightly obliquely reference the vagina, and the man’s in terms that even less obliquely reference the penis. Funny. In both the “peculiar” and “ha ha” senses of the word.
No, it’s a mismatch of attention spans. Who’s to say that the person with 30 partners didn’t love all of them with the power of a thousand suns?
And if I have a total love wattage of a million suns, I can love a thousand partners at a time.
Nope, mismatch of values. The way I love someone, it is impossible that I could achieve that with 30 separate women.
Have you considered trying harder?
What if the person with 30 partners used to not feel the way you do, but now has very similar views? Would you not even consider being with them because they used to be promiscuous, even though they have since changed their mind and now feel exactly the way you do about sexuality?
How about 20 women and 10 men?
Right- you couldn’t. But we’re not talking about you, we’re talking about someone else, and it’s silly to assume that everyone is wired the way you are.
I agree with a lot of this. I love sex. When I’m with the right person, I want it morning, noon and night (and invariably more often than they do). But I’ve not had sex in a year because I’d rather do it myself than be with someone that I don’t like, don’t love, or don’t respect…thus, I’d be a zero for 2009 (so far). Not to say that I never would have sex under casual circumstances again, I might change my mind, but the experience of orgasm with a stranger or casual acquaintance is not something I enjoy (well, I enjoy it until its over, then it’s like, ugh…get the hell out of here. I want someone I can screw senselessly, then, say, go out an get a chicken sandwich and watch roller-bladers fall down in the park, then have sex again, have a lengthy discussion about Syd Barrett v. Keith Moon, and fall asleep, for example). So, even though it is sometimes immensely sexually frustrating, I’ve waited it out until it can be with someone who meets most of my requirements.
*Disclaimer–I have no problem whatsoever with people who have huge numbers (as I’ve said). It’s just not something I like doing myself. And just as I wouldn’t discriminate against the person with 500 partners, I’d hope I wouldn’t be labeled a prude because I don’t fuck everything that moves. Number discrepancy does not mean intrinsically incompatible.
Does it count if you can’t remember how many people you’ve had sex with? Not that I’ve had that much action but all of my action was going on back in the college years (70’s and 80’s) and I really couldn’t come up with a number now, even if my wife were to insist on one. 25 seems about right, although I may be conflating different stuff here. Can that be true, I found 25 women who liked me enough at one time or another to get nekked? Sweet. 25 doesn’t seem like too many.
My wife and I have talked about our past sex a few times, more in the context of wondering what our sons were up too. She was surprised they hadn’t started in the 15-17 age range; I would have been surprised if they had. We haven’t exchanged actual counts though. The interesting thing, I think, is the ages when we were most active. She started hot and heavy at 14 - married at 19, I was clean and pure until 19 and then the fun began.
2,536,591 (sorry shinto46, it just wasn’t meant to be)
Actually, this thread is full of people talking about themselves, and how many partners, for them, would be too many.
At no stage did I assume everyone is wired the same way as me, especially the part where I basically stated that if you’ve had 30 sexual partners, then you’re not wired the same way as me:
Anything that you treat with a degree of exclusivity and sanctity automatically becomes more valued and cherished. Oscars for Best Actor just wouldn’t be regarded so highly if they gave out 30 at a time, would they?
Absolutely agreed.
However that doesn’t mean I can’t have sex with people I don’t feel that way about. I view sex and love as two different circles that have some overlap. There are the people I have had sex with that don’t fall in the love category. This would include one night stands, f-buddies and the like. There are people that I truly love but would never have sex with. This would be family, my best friend, etc. Then there are people I both have sex with and love. That would be my ex and my current SO of 8 years.
Casual sex is awesome for what it is, but I wouldn’t pretend that it’s anything more than a physical encounter. Sex with my partner is an entirely different thing that is highly valued and cherished.
I’m sure you value and cherish the sex you have with your partner. If you and your partner had saved yourselves just for each other, wouldn’t that make the sex even more valued and cherished? You might not think so, but life tells us that we place extra value on things the more exclusive and sacred they are.
Baloney.
No, I don’t agree with that. That may be the case for you, but I don’t see any reason for sex to be something you ‘save’ for you spouse.