Oh! That probably makes sense of the statistic I read in multiple places in the nineties, that men think about sex ‘3 times a minute’ or something like that.
That always seemed excessive to me - even though you can have multiple thoughts going on, surely thinking about sex THAT much would be a little distracting? If it includes ‘mm, she’s hot’ rather than picturing her naked body bent over a table, then it makes more sense.
You guys are terribly undersexed. A tiny percentage of my thoughts are inspired by lovely ladies, besides my wife that is. My appreciation of other women is more aesthetic than anything, and seldom long lasting. I’m badly imprinted, I admit it.
Yeah it’s pretty true, but I’d gone about 45 minutes without thinking about it before you posted this. Last time was this hot Dominicana chick pushing her kids in the swings with really short shorts on and super long legs.
You could be in trouble, admitting to getting hot at seeing kids with really short shorts and super long legs. Unless the swings were the ones with short shorts and long legs, in which case you come under rule 34.
I’m betting this is actually far less frequent in women (in general) than in men. Spontaneous sexual thoughts about random guys are somewhat noteworthy to me, anyway, not a matter of course. You know what we need? A “So…how much time do women spend thinking about sex?” thread.
Well, not all women. Certainly not this woman. I don’t size up most men I interact with in anything like that way. I can go entire days without thinking about sex. I’m not repressed or hung up - I have a very satisfying sex life, and probably initiate sex as often as my husband does - I just don’t constantly think about it.
On the flip side, between aviation, which is heavily male dominated, and the construction work I’m currently doing, I’m rather acutely aware, as usually the only woman in the group, that men are different in that respect. I don’t have a problem with the men looking at my tits or ass because that’s normal - what I do ask is that you look me in the eye when we’re having a conversation, don’t hit on me once you know I’m a married woman, and that you don’t get so preoccupied with thinking about sex you become a hazard to those around you. And, oh yes, act like a gentleman.
That includes seeing someone and thinking they’re hot all the way to thinking about actual sex. I just don’t think about it much. It’s not like I dislike sex, either - I really do, but doing it is way more interesting than thinking about it.
The study cited by Baal Houtam must be flawed, because, even as a teenager I didn’t think about sex every five minutes. If it involved electrodes applied to various places, I might have thought about sex more often, though. :dubious:
Absolutely. That’s one of the things I like about him. He doesn’t have a sexist bone in his body (hmm…that didn’t quite come out right, but you know what I mean)
I think the thing that disturbs me a bit more is the idea that men (or many men) are so often sizing up women, picturing them naked, thinking about having sex with them–even if it’s very clear that they’re not interested. Take, for example, two different women, both equally attractive at a base level. One is dressed in a low-cut sweater, miniskirt, and “fuck me” heels, with heavy makeup and carefully done hair, getting flirty with guys at a party. The other one is, say, a military or police commander–no makeup, severe hairstyle, full uniform–giving orders to a bunch of guys in a drill. If the first woman doesn’t expect guys to be mentally undressing her and imagining sex with her, then she’s deluded. The second woman–not so much. She’s performing her job competently, giving orders, and the guys under her command are thinking about all the things they could do if they got her into bed. To me, that’s skeevy. There’s a time and place for it, and at the wrong time and place it can be very sexist and demeaning. As long as the guys give no indication to the woman that they’re doing it, then no harm, no foul. But the moment they do (a leer, a whisper to another guy, a condescending comment) then it becomes an issue.
Does that clarify my thoughts a bit? I mean, I’m not deluding myself–I’m not the sort of woman that random guys would be thinking that way about, and I kind of cultivate that because I don’t enjoy it. But even if I were, I would resent it from anyone in a professional situation.
I don’t know…I can’t see thinking someone is skeevy for just thinking something. Sure, it would be skeevy if a man started flirting with the second woman you described, but just thinking she’s attractive? I mean, it’s prime directive! Humans, like every other species, are streamlined for making more of themselves.
Winterhawk11, the one thing you haven’t clarified is whether it’s a gender thing. Is it only an issue for you with men objectifying women, or also the other way around? Or what if they are both men or both women?
I’m in a 21-year monogamous same-sex relationship, and nothing will ever change that. But if I see a hot man I’m not going to ignore having feelings toward him; it’s totally natural. And the same goes for my partner. We know what each other’s “type” is, and it’s almost a game for each of us to spot someone of the other’s type. But we know it’s all in our minds, and will never progress further.
So is this a different phenomenon because we’re both men? Does it bother you the same way?
Male, gay, mid 30’s. I think about sex a lot, it comes up in my mind no matter what I’m doing. And yes, I will admit that the first thought I have about most every guy I see is either ‘Would hit that’ or ‘Wouldn’t hit that’. I even regularly have dreams about sex. It just is.
I know it’s irrational, but no, it doesn’t. I think I’ve been spending too much time in places like Fark, where I read the comments and see all the piggish things that guys say about women–reducing them to collections of boobs and asses and making crass comments about their appearance. It’s a subtle difference–I have no issue with a guy thinking a woman is attractive, or even wanting to have sex with her–that’s just human nature. It’s the more “piggish” aspect of it I have a problem with. Maybe the reason it doesn’t bother me as much with guys is because women have traditionally been thought of as “sex objects” more than men have (on the whole), which is fine if that’s what the woman wants, but can be very annoying and demeaning if it isn’t. (And I realize this is true for guys as well, of course). Women are much more likely to be judged on their appearance than men are, regardless of whether appearance is a criterion for the job at hand. People don’t care if a guy is ugly if he’s good at his job. Not so much with women (again, of course, this is a generalization). For women who don’t want to be judged on their appearance, this gets old fast. I imagine it would be the same for men who don’t want to be judged by their wallets.
I suspect I’m not expressing myself very well here. I’m kind of working through my feelings about it, and getting some insights from the other posters.
I don’t too often explicitly picture having sex with someone, but when I first meet a girl my age, my thoughts will be physical. I’ll note whether she’s cute or not, whether she needs to lose some weight, etc. It’s mostly a habit at this point, and it doesn’t really distract me at all from thinking or talking around women.
I realized another aspect of it that bugs me, too–the idea that a woman who is willing to have sex with guys is a “slut,” but one who isn’t (particularly one who isn’t with the guy in question) is a “stuck up bitch.” I know that not all guys think that way (most certainly not even the majority of them do) but the ones that do just make me want to start popping off heads. Make up your minds, guys! If you want her to sleep with you, then don’t call her a slut when she does. Or a whore. Or any of the other delightful terms you come up with for women who have sex with guys other than you. Or who have sex with you and then break up with you. Or who have had sex with somebody other than you before they even met you.
I’m a writer, and I once was on a message board with a published author of one of my favorite book series. She was talking about the whole madonna/whore/crone thing, and how most/all women in literature fall into one of these three categories. I rejected this, and said something like, 'and what if I don’t want my female characters to fall into one of those categories?" And she basically told me tough luck, because that was just the way humans look at women throughout history–they put them in these three categories.
I still like her books, but I lost a little respect for her that day.
I can think of quite few female characters who don’t fit that neat three part categorization. Honestly, that sounds like claiming that all male characters either fall into the Leader, Warrior or Scholar categories.
So many replies, I’ll have to find the time to read through them.
But I was just out in the world, and had to share my thoughts about my thoughts.
No, I don’t really fantasize about every attractive woman I see. That doesn’t mean I don’t notice them (I definitely do), and it doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate them (I most definitely do). But I don’t mentally undress them – in fact, what they’re wearing is part of what I appreciate. I sometimes wonder what a particular woman is all about – Is she smart? What does she do for a living? Does she have a loving heart? What kind of music does she listen to? If I’m really curious, I’ll try to find out.
Every once in a blue moon I’ll see someone and have an overwhelming urge to do naughty things to her that she’ll love. But that’s maybe once a month or so. The last time was a week ago. The fact that she stripped down to her underwear right in front of me and went for a swim didn’t help. I had to run back to my hotel room for a little privacy.
A tiny percentage of my thoughts are inspired by lovely ladies, besides my wife that is. My appreciation of other women is more aesthetic than anything, and seldom long lasting. I’m badly imprinted, I admit it.
