Thanks, lachesis, but the way it was phrased made me see it as ‘I’m doing the same thing this weekend as I did last weekend.’ Not a favorable comparison.
But I’m tired, so maybe I’m confused … apologies to j66 if that’s the case.
Okay, gang, whether you’re interested or not ;), I thought I’d post the latest update. Maybe my judging this girl as Theresa’s evil twin was indeed a bit harsh … she finally replied to my email and the path of communications is slowly reopening. Basically it was a vague rehash of her first email, only this time with the standard “it’s not you, it’s me” flair. She still seems to be avoiding the ‘why so sudden’ question, but upon reading the reply, I have finally resigned myself to the fact that I’m getting as much information from her about it as she’s willing to give at the moment. So I pushed my disappointment aside and wrote her back, thanking her for the reply. When you’re a charmingly eclectic oddball, like myself, it’s difficult to find a relationship where each party is capable (normally) of communicating so well with the other and enjoys the other’s interests and hobbies. It’s just as difficult (in my opinion) to find a friendship with the same qualities. With so many people, places, and interests in common we are certain to cross paths again, as we had many times before we really met, and we’re both keenly aware of that. Along those lines, I also wrote that I would like to see us remain good friends and keep in touch. She replied again, thanking me for the understanding and saying that she agreed, that we move in circles too close to not remain friends and she would love to keep in touch because it is so hard to find people to really talk to. 
So there it is. Not quite the happiest of endings, but still a happy one. After all, her first email seemed to not even leave this option open. Not too shabby, I suppose, even if she’s not interested in a relationship with me (now or ever). By knowing her, my circle of friends has expanded … maybe ever so slightly considering we know many of the same people already, but it has expanded. A single guy can never have too many female friends … and that connection to their female friends. Not that I won’t try it again, but this whole incident has me keeping my distance from Match.com for a while. I certainly wish Dave “The Legend” bear best of luck in his tenure there. I’m sure I just met that 1 in 1000 who only thought she was ready for a relationship … and kept thinking that (and made me think that) for a little longer than she should have. Live and learn.
Best Regards to all.
Dave
Hey, Dave. Sorry I wasn’t able to keep up with this thread, yesterday. it was an extraordinarily busy Sunday. Not in a good way, unfortunately.
I hate that “It isn’t you…” line. But, in this case, I think it may be true. I’m sorry it didn’t work out as you (and some of us) hoped, but at least you got some good out of it, and I admire your attitude. And, thanks for the best wishes. I’m told that I’m doing well, response-wise, on Match. Maybe not quality-wise (one “oops!”, and one vanishing act), but at this point, I’ll take what I can get, in that arena.
Y’know, I’m kind of afraid to ask this, but…what the heck am I “legendary” for?
No sweat, man. I saw you mentioned elsewhere that you had a presentation to work on. Been there myself a few times … I know what it’s like. Hope everything went well.
Yeah, it sucks, but what can you do? After an awesome, albeit fast-paced, weekend, we finally spend a little time away from each other and she had time to think about things alone (or with some “help”?) … the doubts creep in and my similarity to her ex spook her. What are the odds that I’d have the same occupation, same name, and same interests as he did?:eek: No way she coulda known all that before she emailed me the first time on Match. Guess it would creep me out too. I’d say Contrary is right on the mark.
Thanks. The way I see it, attitude’s all we got. Granted, I’ll fume and obsess over things for a short while, but then my logic kicks in. Can’t change the situation? Change your perspective. She’s a great girl, despite the slight communications breakdown upon “dumping” me. I look forward to still being friends with her.
Heh! Are you SURE you want to know? 
Actually, after lurking in your O.M.F.G. post for a LONG time, I realized how your love life had taken on a life of it’s own on the boards. 
What, over 6000 views and over 300 posts? Not to mention the other multi-page threads of yours with posts from so many different Dopers. I think that qualifies as at least establishing a legend. Of course, Wyatt took it an ran, so I just had to pay homage to The Legend in my last post here. Hope ya don’t mind.
Well, Contrary is a smart lady. We don’t cross paths often, these days, but she’s one of my favorite people, here.
Ugh! Attitude adjustments! I hate those. But, again, good for you, for seeing it that way.
No. 
Ah. Is it really over 6000 views? Wow. I don’t pay much attention to those things, unless someone points it out. I do like long threads, though. Not that I never commit a drive-by posting, but I really prefer to settle in and discuss things with whoever’s willing to stick around, asuming the topic has some depth. And, sometimes the hijacks are more interesting, or at least more amusing, than the OP.
Ah, yes. Wyatt, my Cool and Everything, But™ not yet A Legend[sup]®[/sup], student. He’ll be around, later, to return that banner to you.
And, speaking of hijacks…well, I hope your lady turns out to be a good friend. Maybe, in time, she’ll realize that you’re really not her ex, and become more than a friend, again.
peritrochoid, before you continue a friendship with this woman, you might want to think about how you’ll deal with it when she starts dating another guy. When you’re out socializing, and she’s hanging all over her new boyfriend just like she was hanging all over you not too long ago, how are you going to feel? If this is going to bother you, maybe you should think about keeping your distance from her.
Right after I read the OP, my first thought was, she talked to a friend about it, and her friend(s) reaction was not positive. If her best friend looks down on meeting people online anyway she could be putting doubts in her mind. When I read more about how she said you remind her of her ex, it made more sense. If her friends are telling her, ‘wow, he sounds just like ex,’ it could make her think twice.
In this case, I think the real saying is ‘it’s not you, it’s my friends.’
Thanks for looking out for me, cuauhtemoc, but I’m confident it is something I can deal with. I’ve been in a similar situation to what you describe once before with a woman I had WAY more time and emotion invested in, and, even though she has a boyfriend she loves very much, we’re all friends who hang out and she and I are still best friends who still do the (legitimate, not intimate) activities we enjoyed together without the pressures of dating. Sometimes (not all the time, for obvious reasons) it’s actually more fun that way. I have never been a big fan of the we’re-not-dating-anymore-so-we-can’t-be-friends school of thought. That seems such an immature way to deal with interpersonal relations, especially when both parties have so much in common. Once I’ve changed my outlook, I can be pretty strong-willed and tough-minded, so I don’t forsee being bothered much by it all.
Like I said, being friends with her is only better for me since she has female friends who I might get introduced to at some point in time. And, though I’m not counting on it, Davebear has a good point that I hadn’t thought of … if further down the road she changes her mind, and I’m not seeing anyone at the time, I could probably change my perspective again.
One day at a time, that’s the way I handle it. It’s worked for me before, I’d say it’ll work for me again. Don’t you just hate optimists?
Yes. Especially when it’s me. It’s always my optimistic side that lands me in the deep end of the outhouse.
::holding nose::
Uhh … thanks, dude … that’s a … umm … sobering thought.
that must be one of those words of wisdom Legends always seem to speak in
FWIW, my optimism isn’t totally unfounded this time. She’s a runner, and we had once talked about getting me started (I’m a pretty healthy individual, but the most athletic activity I do is hiking once or twice a month). She had volunteered to be my “coach” and running partner before she left for Philly. So, this morning I followed up on that as a serious inquiry AND to see if there was really a desire to be friends, as opposed to just saying so. She’s still all for it. We’re supposed to get together next week and see how prepared I am and what I need to do to get started.
You know guys, you won’t want to hear it but women get totally spook when THEY start to fall too fast too you know. Maybe you should just give her some space and stay loose a while and see what happens. I mean it doesn’t sound like she has completely closed off communication. Maybe you could stay one of those friends she "hangs out"with and see if you have snother of those passionate weekends?
mipiace, thanks for your post. I even caught your post over in D.Bear’s thread too. You’ve definitely got a way with words.
First time I think I’ve seen you around here, but I like you already.
I would have replied sooner, but I missed the thread.
Actually, I did make a very harsh comment about both motorcycles and the young woman; what can I say, I’m mean. I’m sorry if it offended you.
[Concerning phones: leave them on, in case of an emergency, but don’t chat on them in some one elses company.]
Well, by definition, wisdom is the knowledge that results from experience. So, yes, I guess that’s wisdom.
Sorry. Didn’t mean to imply it was. And, I do hope something good comes out of this, for you.
no sweat, j66. I’m capable of the same at times. I took no offense, personally, though I did think it a bit harsh on her. I appreciate the apology just the same. It appears that I must like things that are dangerous to my health or to my emotional state.
Nah, D’Bear I didn’t take your post that way. I was just making a general comment … usually I am a bit overly optimistic. This time, thankfully, it seems on the mark. Thanks for the good wishes, though. I mean, if I’m still willing to maintain a friendship and she’s still willing to maintain it, it seems silly to disappear on one another. We had 5 wonderful days, not months, together. Long enough to seem like we were at the start of something, but not long enough to be on bad terms upon it’s end. Even then, who knows, none of us can predict the future. So …
And Experience, in my case, comes from surviving the outcomes of poor judgments!!!
Quietly sneaks Petrochoid’s “DaveBear, you’re a legend!” banner back into P’s closet … hoping to avoid the “late return” fees!
Well hell, I must be wise and experienced cuz I sure have f**ked up enough in my lifetime!!
So peritrochoid…did you ever hear from her again? Are you one of her hang out friends?
To be wise, one has to learn from the experience … I haven’t figured out how to do that yet.
and, still, so many of my guy friends come to me for relationship advice … well, the unmarried ones anyway. Come to think of it, the married ones ask advice of me too.
the blind leading the blind I tell ya!
Anyway, mipiace, yes, we’ve been in touch a few times recently. But so far, only by email.:dubious: She has been a bit more friendly and candid regarding her daily adventures at work and regarding details on her 12-week apprenticeship in Philadelphia (which she was recently notified that she had been officially accepted). I’m truly happy she got it because I know how badly she wanted it.
warning: you may encounter turbulence and continuation of the OP rant below. small children, pregnant men, and animals with heart conditions are advised to proceed with caution. petite brunettes are advised to call me.
At any rate, no, I haven’t even ventured to try a call just yet. I’m still not entirely sure where she stands on being friends … if it was genuine or if she just said what she thought I wanted to hear. Though I probably do have reason to follow up on getting me started running. I just don’t want to seem like a creep by calling her too soon. I’d also rather not appear like a love sick fool for her. That’s not to say that I didn’t like her a lot … I mean a LOT … because I hadn’t been with someone who made me feel like that in a long time. What’s so frustrating is that for the week or so that we were dating, I was sure she felt the same. I’m sure it wasn’t just wishful thinking … that any outsider would’ve seen the same thing. Then !!BOOM!! the bomb gets dropped in my lap. After changing my perspective and looking back with a slightly more level head, I see a lot of what you had mentioned previously, mipiace … that she probably caught herself falling too fast and, with some healthy conversation among friends, realized that it scared her. Falling for someone she knew she would most likely have to leave for a while in a little over a month. I know she had a bad experience with her ex in a long-distance relationship. My similarity to him and her departure for Philly probably spooked her. So, I’ve opened the door to maintain the friendship and figure I’ll just hang back, give her space to figure herself out, and let her move from there. Maybe, if I’m lucky, I’ll just happen to be in the right place at the right time when she returns from Philly, and neither of us will be seeing someone. If not, no big deal. I’m not gonna stop dating and wait around for her. She and I still share enough interests to be great friends. Assuming, of course, that she’s really as interested in pursuing that path as I am.
I’m sure you wanted to know all that. You see, I have this problem with honesty, getting sidetracked easily, and with writing. When the three meet … WHOA, hold on, buckaroo! :eek: So, long story short, no, I am not currently a hang-out friend. Though I have been slammed at work the last several days, so I couldn’t have hung out if I had wanted to. 
Oh, and by the way, Wyatt, thanks for returning the banner. Yeah, I caught ya outta the corner of my eye. No late fees … this time.