Why would she do that?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

First of all, apologies to those that are getting sick of my one trick ponyism. I’m really trying to dial it back. And if you don’t want to read this, just click your back button. But this has me really perplexed.

Some background: I met her on a different message board many years back, several months before I met my ex. If you guys think I’m bad here, you should have seen me then. I was a slutty flirt, and she was a flirty slut. Both of us would flirt with pretty much anyone. It was rather disgusting. Did we occasionally flirt with each other? Do bears fuck in the woods? It was on, right from the start.

A few months later we met, along with a few other board members. It was one of the first 'fests from that board. And the only one for which I had to buy a plane ticket. I met her and her boyfriend at the airport. She was pretty into him, I could tell, but whenever we were alone, it was on. Handshakes, hugs, and longing gazes lasted just a little too long.

A few weeks later, I met my ex. The girl in question soon ended her relationship, and went through at least one other. Last I heard, she was alone and hating it.

In the meantime, we both joined a private message board. No looky or posty without a user name and password, and those were only given out by invitation. The membership is about 100 or so.

The flirting continued there, but over the years, it staled out eventually. It got old. The most contact we had was the occasional e-mail on birthdays, with a half-hearted “Hey baby you so hot or whatever” thrown in. Pretty lame.

Fast forward to a month ago, when she wished me a happy birthday. In my reply, I caught her up on what’s been going on with my life, and I guess I mentioned in passing (with no agenda whatsoever) that I was dealing with being single again.

Woah! It was on again! The girl was THRILLED that my last relationship ended. Her way of saying “I’m so sorry” took the form of “Then get your ass down here, you stud muffin!”

What once again was harmless Internet flirting soon transformed into a rather complicated plane ticket. I’m going to visit my folks in late December, with a 26-hour layover in her city. Actually, I’ll land in one city, and fly out of another, maybe 40 miles away, 26 hours later. She has agreed to give me a ride from one to the other, and let me stay at her place in the meantime. She’s kicking her daughter out for the night.

We made an agreement not to make any uncomfortable pressures on each other. No love, no sex, no weirdness. Well, since making that agreement, the heat has been amped up tenfold. This is getting serious.

We also agreed not to spill the beans on the private message board. This would be huge news there, and keeping it our little conspiracy makes it all the more fun.

So this is good news, right?

Today she posted there that she finally took the plunge and created a profile on Match.com, and hinted that she was only interested in local guys.

WTF? We’re pretty much committed to our plan. My plane ticket is non-refundable. Without her help, I’m fucked (as it were). Why would she do that? Is it a tease? Is she taking out an insurance policy?

2

I think she’s sending a strong hint that she isn’t looking to you for a long term relationship. From your post, you don’t sound like you’re looking for a long term relationship either. So, the first meeting is no pressure, perhaps there will be more on a later hook up, but she’s not planning on keeping you around as a primary.

If you’re expecting sexual monogamy, you need to be upfront and clear on that.

3

My guess is that what she’s getting from you (or hoping to get from you) is not the same as what she’s anticipating getting from the Match. com profile. Maybe she’s thinking that she enjoys flirting with you, and will enjoy spending a day with you, but doesn’t really anticipate a long term relationship with you. From Match.com, she’s hoping to meet men for drinks, dinner, dates, dancing (and perhaps a physical relationship which I can’t think of an appropriate word starting with the letter “d” for).

She may or may not be a tease, but I doubt she is anticipating a relationship from the Match.com profile which will develop to the point of making your visit inappropriate in the length of time between now and then.

4

Have you asked her? I mean, asking us snarky people on the board is all very well, but the only person who can really answer this question for you is the woman in question. Sounds to me like she might want some of your hot lovin’ on a one-time basis (perhaps to get it out of her system) and then to pursue relationships in her area.

5

I responded to her message board post with something like “Good luck, you hottie. I need to update my profile as well, but in the meantime I’ve got something amazing coming up in a few weeks.” Not those exact words, but a vague (to those not in the know) way of saying that some unspecified woman is in my near future, and I take it pretty seriously.

She e-mailed me back calling me a flirt (and throwing in a pot/kettle joke). She said she’s getting responses, but won’t act on any of them until after we meet. In my reply I hinted that I’ve got other options in the works, but I too will not act on them until after our tryst. I also said that if things work out, I’m willing to give long distance a try.

We’ll see where it goes, but I really hope it’s not just a one time thing.

6

Dicking.

“Dinner, dancing, and dicking” almost has a poetic air to it, don’t you think?

7

Maybe she’s just hedging her bets. Making sure she can hit the ground running if things don’t work out when you meet.

I guess the only thing to do now is wait and see, right?

Good luck to you. You deserve someone special.

8

Dalliance.

Good luck, tdn. I can’t tell you what she’s thinking, I just want to know how you meet all these women.

9

First it was this.

Then it was this.

I think you need to talk to her about how both of you really feel and what your expectations are. My initial impression was that this was basically a booty call. But it sounds like you are hoping for more, hoping that it will work out. Which isn’t a bad thing, but if she’s setting up her match.com profile for local guys, it sounds like she isn’t into LDR’s. Talk with her and find out.

10

The question for me has always been, why aren’t more of them throwing themselves at his feet?

Yep, that’s a stumper.

11

Thanks, velvetjones. Like I said, maybe it’s just an insurance policy. Hey, I’m taking one out as well. It’s just weird that she would post about it in a place where she knew I’d see it. And let’s face it, we went from 0 to 160 in a really short amount of time. That could be scary for anyone.

Robot Arm, I met this particular woman in exactly the same way I met you, except with extra flirtiness and a plane ticket.

12

I once had a girl I would occasionally hook-up with tell me post-coital that she had put up a profile on match.com and that she was going out on a date the next day. I asked her if that meant the end of our little trysts and she said not until she started getting serious with someone. I replied with “Cool” and started getting amorous again. Two weeks later I lost my booty call. Damn you match.com.

13

Dalliance suits me better than dicking, but I appreciate both offered vocabulary words.

14

You’re not really my type.

15

Ouch, Amp. Lionne, I think you’re right, we just need to get on the same page and make sure that we don’t set expectations too high, and all that stuff. I told her that I’m OK with whatever, but open to a LDR. She responded… favorably.

And Dung Beetle, careful with that flirting. Crank it up by an order of magnitude, and this is the result.

16

Aw, that’s OK. She has purtier boobs anyway.

17

Never thought I’d actually get to say this to you tdn, but she wants you. Maybe not long term, but she seems to want you.

(Make sure you read that as part joking, part serious. The she wants you bit being the serious.) :wink:

18

:slight_smile:

Oh, she definitely wants me, she’s made that quite clear. And I’ve been clear in letting her know that I want her. And if we lived closer (and assuming we don’t screw things up by being assholes), this would have serious LTR potential. I think what’s really going on is that neither of us has ever really done the long distance thing before, and maybe we’re both a little nervous about it.

19

I have to agree with Lionne. What she did on match.com seem perfectly in line with “no sex, no love, no weirdness” with you. But I’m glad to hear it doesn’t jeopardize your trip, since I know you have hopes for this one. TAKE IT EASY and just enjoy hanging out without projecting. Live in the moment. I hope it goes well!

20

Hopefully we’ll see a “Ask the Second Guy Who Just Lost His Virginity” thread within the month!

:wink: