This is a very good point, and is what we did – made sure our expenses were such that we could cover them out of one paycheck. It was because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to stay home once the baby was born (I didn’t, as it turned out, but I now work part-time), but it turned out to be really a good idea when I didn’t have work for several months when the kid was about one.
Dangerosa, I don’t remember Baby Bargains being all breast is best, though I’ll take your word for it I do remember getting waaaaaay too much of that as well; even though my kid was not adopted, she ended up getting formula, and it was not the end of the world as all the breastfeeding lunatics told me it would be, and I will never forgive them for making me so psychotic about it, to the point where it could have adversely affected my kid (had it not been for a very wonderful and understanding pediatrician who told me that, no, my kid would be just fine on formula).
Mine would have been an early edition - that first baby turns fifteen in two weeks. But you don’t need breastfeeding advice from a book that you bought to tell you how many onesies to buy, where to get a good deal on a crib, and don’t buy a second hand car seat. However, if you don’t breastfeed (and breastfeeding is cheap - it made my frugal heart swell to do it for six months with my daughter), how to get formula coupons and formula comparisons would be valuable.
Truthfully babies and children are a pain in the ass. They cost a lot of money, make a lot of demands and basically make it almost impossible for you to ever have a clean house.
But if you really want to be a mom, having a baby/toddler/child and even a teenager is a wonderful experience. I was a reluctant parent. We were married for five years before I even dared think about babies. I am a very happy mom. My girls are delightful. The eldest is one of the most wonderful human beings I’ve ever met. She loves animals so much she’s a firm vegetarian. She has long blond curls, a love of math and my mom’s beautiful grey eyes. The little one is the funniest damn thing ever. She likes to wear her sister’s glasses and my high heels at the same time.
It is not easy. I remember being utterly convinced that the best course of action was giving up the two month old for adoption, one sleepless night and very messy day. But if you do it well (and even mostly if you don’t) it is an intensely rewarding experience. The little one kissed me good night last night and I’m still grinning.
Spend some time thinking carefully about it. But mostly just enjoy the experience because it is often damned wonderful.
And some days the only way you make it through teenagers to to remind yourself “its almost over and they will leave - or if they don’t, I can kick them out.”
Anybody have any experience with allergies during pregnancy? I’m seeing my allergist next week anyway, but I keep having to go to more hardcore allergy meds (I’m on Dymista now, as well as my usual Sudafed when things get bad and Zyrtec when I remember it) and I’m sure those are out. If I don’t take them, though, I get sinus infections.
My wife has fairly constant allergies, and the only thing they let her take was Benadryl. I’m pretty sure that Sudafed and Dymista will be out of the question for most doctors, and they’ll probably not like Zyrtec either.
Well, got the IUD out, waiting on a trip to the dentist before we actually start trying. My allergist says there’s one class B allergy spray, which he prescribed me (and now I have to find out if insurance will pay for it since I am not currently pregnant.)
Just out of curiosity, do you have any other immune system issues? Things ranging from eczema to gluten intolerance or anything? I ask because there is a growing body of research in to immune system issues and infertility/repeat pregnancy loss. Your mention of allergy just sort of triggered that line of though for me. (Not trying to scare you or anything!)
This thread is sort of making me feel bad because I’m in the home stretch with #3 (last one, yay!) and have never read a pregnancy book. Ever. I’ve got What to Expect… and What to Expect in the First Year and the Mayo Clinic book, all given to me early in my pregnancies. I’ve used WTE as a reference before but never even imagined reading it cover to cover.
I’ve been using the What to Expect app because I like how it compares approximate fetal size to commonly used food items. My baby’s a head of lettuce right now (not really because, according to the US I had just yesterday, it’s about a pound bigger than the app says it is).
Anyway, you guys and all your preparedness… it’s all making me feel a little inept.
It depends what kind of person you are, I think. I didn’t have much to contribute in the way of pregnancy books because I never read them either – in particular, I tend to do really badly with books that tell me the worst that can happen because then I fret about it all the time, and I also am not very good at emotional probability management (that is, my head can tell myself that there is a 10^-5 chance of X happening, but my emotional response doesn’t take that into consideration as much as it should). Also, like most things, I found books much less useful than talking to people who had actually been pregnant / had kids recently. (Which I wish I had done more of, honestly.) And obviously it worked really well for you!
But my sister is the opposite – she likes knowing about everything that could go wrong so that she can prepare for it, so she was reading pregnancy books even before they decided it was time to conceive.
Not unless you count lactose intolerance. My husband on the other hand… hopefully that’s one of those things that’s only an issue for the participating uterus!
I’m of two minds about the finances issue. First, yes, it’s important to really understand your finances and plan ahead, and plan for emergencies. Second, it’s possible to have a baby really, really, really on the cheap. I did it. I am amazed at what other mothers spend money on. The biggest expense for us is childcare, that’s a bitch and a half.
A big factor in this is that you don’t need all the stuff web sites and books will tell you that you need. Another is that even if you do want the stuff, anyone you even remotely know who had a baby would be thrilled to give you the stuff just so that she gets it out of her basement/attic/living room. I think some people think it would be offensive to ask if you want gently used things. I let everyone know I would take just about anything. And yeah, my parents are like your parents - it’s RIDICULOUS how much we get from Gramma. You are a sucker if you ever buy your kid one toy, ever. (And of course you do, I’ve found it hard to resist buying things that I remember from my own childhood, but there’s no need to.)
You certainly can - and even things like childcare are variable - a cooperative grandma, friends with slightly older babies, no issues breastfeeding - and babies can be cheap - little kids and older kids too.
But its still really helpful to think it through - “what if, what if” - because life has a way of throwing curves. And whatever you do, you’ll be making sacrifices - in time and money and independence - and there is no going back.
Save money on baby items by buying used and at garage sales. Just don’t buy a used crib mattress or a used breast pump. I’ve seen articles implying both carried a not insignificant risk of passing on diseases.
But the rest is fine at a yard sale. Church yard sales are particularly helpful in this area. You can often find baby clothes and baby stuff for a song. Our replacement stroller cost us ten bucks last year. Just make sure you examine the items carefully before you buy.
I do remember getting waaaaaay too much of that as well; even though my kid was not adopted, she ended up getting formula, and it was not the end of the world as all the breastfeeding lunatics told me it would be, and I will never forgive them for making me so psychotic about it, to the point where it could have adversely affected my kid (had it not been for a very wonderful and understanding pediatrician who told me that, no, my kid would be just fine on formula).