I went through a long stretch at one point (ok 19-23 with 3 “real” dates. Lots of friends, just not dates). Then one day, I discovered that one of the guys I had known for 5+ years was really cute, and funny and sweet. Of course this happened after we moved 4 hundred miles apart. Someone has to support the phone companies.
But we have now been together for over 10 years, and we are still in love, and better yet, still friends.
So my vote is for giving it another shot.
This is why I don’t share anymore.
I can’t give you an opinion on Dating For Dummies, but I can give you a few basic ground rules. Keep in mind that there is no such thing as a “law of dating”, especially for us fellas, because there will always be at least one woman who finds something that every other woman thinks is repugnant attractive.
With that in mind, here are Really All That Bright’s General Guidelines For Getting a First Date, Maybe a Second Date, and Possibly Even Closing “the Deal”:
Is there anything in there you aren’t doing already?
Thanks a lot, everyone! I appreciate the help. Now, for a few responses …
Gamaliel, a coworker set us up, so of course the whole office knows. :o
whiterabbit, I’ve never had to give THE SPEECH, so I’m terrified. I just got offered an easy way out, though. My coworker said that Mr. Date is going to call her tonight to find out what I said about him, and did I want her to just break the news? I decided to say no. I agreed to a second date, and I’m going to go on it, give him another shot. And I have to be a grownup about this. If I have her tell him I’m not interested, that’s worse than having someone pass him an anonymous note in Study Hall.
Scuba_Ben, I agree with the not falling for someone because they’re all that’s currently available. Problem is, I’ve got a friend who’s trying to get me to do just that. sigh
Dublos, there was a goodnight half-hug/cheek-kiss, but that’s it. I felt no different than if I had said goodnight to my brother, and that’s a bad sign, in my book. I’m a relatively tactile person, too, and the fact that I didn’t want to touch him at all doesn’t bode too well for me. And the idea of an actual kiss is not at all appealing to me. Unfortunate, but the hard truth.
As for today’s developments, we decided that tomorrow we’re going for dinner, then to browse through all the little shops in a trendy strip of what’s becoming a trendy town. The highlight of the evening is going to be the used bookstore. (And that’s not being sarcastic, I’m actually quite excited about the bookstore, and so is he.) That’s different enough that I think it qualifies for Really Not etc.. But in my opinion, there have been far too many emails today. It’s vaguely creepy, in fact, and it makes me glad that I’m meeting him there and he still won’t know where I live.
I’ll let you know what happens on Wednesday! 
Thanks again, everyone.
That’s a big plus, IMHO. Someone who likes to read and hang out in bookstores has potential. I will drop a person like a hot rock if they utter the phrase “I don’t really like to read.”
It sounds like he’s buddy material even if not romantic material.
Give it a couple of shots.
If he isn’t the one, he could be a very good friend in the long run. And he could help you move in the future. Furniture. Dead bodies. Possibly a dead body in furniture. Always helpful to have a male type around for the peon…errr…dirty work.
Have fun and relax.
Shirley
Who hasn’t been on a date in 15 years. (Mr. Ujest won’t let me torture another man. Sheesh.)
Wow. I was reading this thread and Quirkyalone popped into my mind, then I saw your post. I started reading the book a few days ago. Great minds think alike.
Draelin, good luck either way you go.
[Mills Lane] I’ll allow it! [/Mills Lane]
Incidentally, I kinda like Really Not etc.
Good luck Drae!
Really Not etc., thanks for the guidelines.
In my experience of the past few months, I do not recall even a single instance where I gave a lady my number, and she called me first (whether or not I got her number). I’ve had the occasional temptation to hunt people down at later events and say to them, “You never called me – you’re not serious about dating!” :mad:
Fortunately, I have enough common sense to recognize that that line is on the list of Bad Things To Say To Anyone On The Dating Circuit[sup]TM[/sup].
My best guess is, I just don’t grab their interest at first contact. It’s something I’m working on. (Along with that anger issue.)
True. Good etiquette regardless of who is following it. Exes were not invited along, or they would be sitting at the table.
Also true.
Yes!! - Obsequious is creepy. Desperate is creepy. Too much money also reeks of the attitude, “I paid for dinner, and dammit I want my money’s worth!!”
As a single woman living alone, I don’t give out my number to guys; I ALWAYS ask for theirs. I might not know if this person is psychotic right away, but no sense in letting them find me until I’m sure they’re not.
Okay, I can’t respond to this. A guy who can’t carry the ball conversationally isn’t going to last long with me, and I have no patience for pulling teeth.
Other than actively dating, no. I’m good.
Got the t-shirt on from the “In it for lack of better options” tour.
My advice to you and myself is, “Don’t do anything you don’t mean.” If you feel like just hanging out, do that. If you don’t want to hold hands, then don’t. If you don’t feel like that crosses an official “we’re together” line, but still don’t want to kiss, then hold hands but don’t kiss.
I even have something of a speech worked up for when the situation presents itself again. I’ll be in a relationship when I want to, and not a moment before, no matter what.
Ooh, what’s the speech? Date #2 tonight … and I really don’t want to go. I won’t back out now, but I get the feeling I’m not going to be such great company.
The speech is basically that I’ve been through the situation of going through the motions, and I’m not going to do it ever again.
Pointedly going on dates is a difficult situation, because you aren’t able to just get to know each other off the record. This means that all arrangements are an "official’ deal, and
I have no idea what happened there. Continuing:
cessation of activities is an official deal too. Things can’t just sort of slide off as easily, and each person probably deserves a statement that it’s not going to work instead of having to figure it out. Having to state everything, and having every activity be some sort of statement about continuing in the "relationship’ such as it is makes things hard.
So I’d say, “I know it’s difficult to do things this way, but I’m dealing with it by treating everyone fairly. No intentions are implied without being expressed. When I mean to do something, I’ll do it. I’m very concious that certain actions mean things, and I’m not going to do them until I mean them. I ask you to do the same. I’ve already hurt someone by doing things that I didn’t really mean, and I’m not EVER going to do it again. I ask you to have the same attitude.”
Date Two is complete. And I’m even less interested than I was after Date One. sigh Oh, well. At least I’ve proven to myself that I am capable of dating.
I didn’t actually tell him I didn’t want to date anymore, there just didn’t seem to be a good moment to do it. (I know, I know, what’s a good moment to stomp on someone’s ego?) I think he may have begun to pick up on my oh-so-subtle hints, but I’ll probably have to, as my friend put it, kick him to the curb at a later date.
I went into the evening trying to concentrate on the one thing that really prevented me from wanting to go further–attraction. And I pretty much cringed at the thought of so much as a kiss. In fact, when I stretched my neck for a second and he mentioned (rather creepily, I thought) that he had been trained in massage, I actually told him that I don’t like to be touched, the only way I could think of to keep him from coming over to my side of the table and laying hands on me.
So ends this installment of my love life. It’ll probably be another two years before it picks up again, but this is the electronic age, woman can survive on battery power alone. 
Thanks again for all of your input. Cardinal, I’m going to borrow from that speech when I need it, if you don’t mind.
Now, I’m going to do what I really wanted to do tonight, which is sit on the couch in my jammies and watch a bad horror movie.
[rock star voice]Thank you and goodnight![/rock star voice]
Wow, I had an actual impact on this board.
[Fans face with hand to counteract flush of emotion]
I think when you turn down any future dates he’ll get the message, Draelin. That’s my preferred method for curb-kicking (cause I had to do it soooo often, don’tcha know).
That quirkyalone site was interesting. Turns out I’m even luckier than I thought - I’m a quirkytogether. I met Mr. Quirkyalone (at 33, of course), and now we’re happily married quirkyalones.
The best advice I can give you from someone who never thought it would happen for them is that when it does happen, it’s just so damned easy. We met, we liked each other, it all fell into place - no agonizing, no drama, no wondering. Relationships take work to keep them going properly, but the initial attraction and all shouldn’t.
As for your attractiveness, you’ll find someone on the same attractiveness level as you, and you’ll both think the other is great.
Well, so much for dating vicariously.
This was going to be fun - “Dating with Draelin”
I can’t wait a couple of years for your love life to pick up again!
Seriously, though - better luck next time. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
My other piece of advice (that I’m trying to take myself) is: Get out there. You can’t score if you don’t take the shot. You’re trying to hit a bullseye, and if you’re intent on hitting it, you’ll have to shoot until you do.
Sitting around and complaining that the bullseye isn’t hitting you is just whining.
Hear, that, Cardinal?
Yeah, dates always have a way of working themselves out. If you’re not so sure at first, a few more dates will make it clear one way or another. You may as well give it a try. At least then I know for sure he’s a “no”, with no regrets.
And just for the record, I give up.